Homesmade Striptease

It all started with a joke my wife made about my lack of rhythm. I find it difficult to resist a challenge and her joke sounded like an out and out dare to me.

I found some music, "Bad to the Bone" to be specific, and thought about my attire. After all, I'm thinking those two things are critical to stripping and a good striptease is all about rhythm. There are certain skills in life I've never explored, but there is nothing like a good old college try.

I moved the car out of the garage and set up the camera on its tripod. I dressed for the show, slacks, socks and cowboy boots, on the bottom, figured since I go commando normally, that would be expected by my sweetheart. On top was a shirt, tie, jacket, and my cowboy hat to top everything off.

Entering the garage, I took a good look around and realized that the background was a cluttered workbench. So, back into the house to find the biggest blanket we have, I went. Returning, it took a good fifteen minutes to get the blanket tied up to create a flat background.

Finally, I was ready to go and walking to the camera, I discovered that the batteries had died. Back into the house I went and searched through three drawers before finding a package of fresh batteries. Installing the new batteries, the tripod and camera started to tip as one leg to collapse.

I caught the camera and realized the tripod legs were twist locks that didn't lock very well. It took me a good ten minutes to find three clamps to keep the legs on that tripod extended. I turned on the camera and music and began to strip.

First, I brought my hands up to untie my tie. Pulling on the wrong side, it tightened rather than loosening. With my face turning red, my hands fumbled with the tie trying to release the knot. There was a look of relief on my face when that tie finally came loose. I tugged to pull it from my collar and found that the tie bar had gotten stuck in my collar. Instead of a smooth whipping action, that tie hung up around my neck. After a couple of hard yanks that tie bar relinquished its grip and that tie ended up flying to hang on a clamp on the tripod.

Next, I slid the jacket off my shoulders thinking I could be suave or debonaire. However, the sleeves to that jacket had always been a little short and I had to work the sleeves down my arms. After a moment of struggle, the jacket fell into a puddle at my feet.

At this point, I was getting a bit frustrated and as I moved to the music my fingers fumbled with each button on my shirt. When the last button came free, I peeled the shirt open and off my shoulders exposing my, not really, ripped abdomen. The shirt slipped down my arms to my wrists when the cuff buttons stopped at my large hands It took a bit of tugging and wiggling to get one hand free and then to use it to pull the sleeve over the other hand, but that shirt ended up inside out on top of the jacket.

I flexed my arms and torso, imitating the Hulk, even though I am not bulky in the least. Next, I lifted my right foot and tried to pull my boot off. It turned out to be a bit more difficult than expected, and I ended up hopping on one foot while tugging on that stubborn boot. It seemed like it was forever, but that boot finally released my foot and it clunked onto the garage floor. The sock was the first thing that came off easily.

Standing on my bare foot, I lifted my left foot and started the process of hopping and tugging to get the boot off. My experience served me well at this point as when the boot pulled free, I didn't almost fall over. My elation was a bit premature as this sock didn't want to come off until I tugged it over my heel. I tossed the sock towards the boots when it finally released me.

I knew this was the highlight of my striptease and released the waist button. I slowly eased the zipper down letting the slacks fall open and revealing my semi-hard cock, or at least I hoped the camera was capturing the release of the Kraken. I turned so that my sorta firm ass was revealed as the slacks dropped to my ankles. I stepped out of my slacks or rather tried to. Once again I found myself hopping trying to get my feet out of my slack legs. I was wondering what my swinging cock looked like as I finished my striptease.

Well, almost finished. I reached up to grasp my hat and suddenly the garage door started opening. I found myself looking into the eyes of my wife and realizing her church ladies' group was with her, all staring in shock at me. And I didn't even think of covering myself with my hat.