Golfers Lament

Golfer's Lament

I am a mad keen golfer that plays four times a week in between domestic duties and writing. Sometimes after I play I feel like the golfing Gods have been laughing at me as I bash and curse my way around 18 holes of hell. Yes, a lot of times, I think that by the end of the round I have been bent over and shafted for their complete amusement.

Please enjoy.

I don't know about you but when I go out to play golf I have a very hard time thinking about anything else but the white ball and why the fucking thing never does what I tell it to do!

Every time it is the same. I stand on that first tee and line up for the shot I believe is going to come from the violent swing of my three wood that will send the ball sailing into the bright blue sky. As I watch the horrible little white cunt head for the trees or the creek or anywhere else but the fucking sky I can't help but think I should have stayed in fucking bed!

Cue Monday morning about a month ago. It was a little cool but no wind. Sunny skies. Green fairway and me standing next to the tee markers swinging away like Greg Norman on steroids. I was ready to have the best round of my life. My two regular partners were telling me to have a nice day and play well when a small voice interrupted us.

"Is one of you Oliver? Is your tee-time 6:59?" she asked.

I spun to the voice and there stood the sweetest vision of woman I had ever seen. Soft pink top stretched just nicely around two firm but not too big breasts. I could see a little bit of cleavage and I quickly raised my eyes to the face. She was tanned and her nose shone a little with the application of a little bit of sunscreen. I could see the same little shine on her high cheek bones and the sides of her attractive face. Red lips pouted a little with her bottom lip just open enough to show me pearly white teeth. I suddenly had a vision of my cock resting on that bottom lip as the head shot long spurts of creamy white cock cream over those teeth! It was even more gut wrenching when a little pink tongue suddenly appeared and licked those luscious lips. I thought I had cum in my trousers.

My head felt a little light as I nodded in the two or three seconds that I had taken in her face and upper body.

"Then I am your fourth!" she said almost excitedly. I felt my two male partners almost groan in disgust. If there is one thing they do not like: it is playing with a female in the group. The reason: female golfers tend to inhibit their swearing and most of them were terribly short hitters and slow.

I took another look at her and noted the longish legs and a nice shortish skirt. It came down to around mid-thigh and then the clincher. She was wearing long white socks with little red bands around the tops that finished just short of her knees. Her pink golf shoes finished her dress. I could feel my cock swelling like a log in my trousers and prayed that they were baggy enough to hide my obvious excitement at having this perfect vision of female golfer smiling at me.

"Ghi, (the pro), said you might let me share your cart. He doesn't have any left and I..." I didn't let her finish as I pointed to my little white golf cart parked right behind her. She giggled as she swirled her little skirt in turning and heading over to strap her bag on the back. My cock was lifting her skirt and searching for her anus between those wonderfully almost jiggling cheeks of arse. I felt my knees almost buckle as I watched her get ready.

Ghi knew me too well, I decided as I watched her tie her bag onto the back of my cart. The woman was my fantasy girl especially the way she was dressed. Ghi had giggled at me a few times when he was on course marshalling duties and had often kidded me about being fixated with the short skirt, knee high sock wearing Korean girls that frequented the fairways. I lusted after all of them and sometimes wondered if that was the real reason I continued to play a game I was seldom very good at!

My two companions hit off and I was keenly aware that the woman whose name I hadn't caught as she introduced herself to my playing partners was watching me carefully. I waggled. I waggled again. My eyes burned into the back of the ball as my arms automatically swung the club back. I kept my head down as they reversed and threw my club head back at the little white piece of shit sitting smugly on its orange tee and ready to go wherever the hell it felt like going. "Not today, bastard!" I screamed at it in my mind as I watched the club smash into its rounded arse and I let my body follow it up and my eyes track the ball. It sailed majestically into the bright blue sky. It passed the ladies' tee almost 60 metres down the bright green fairway. It kept going and its arc of travel was wonderful as I watched it hit the ground almost 180 metres away and spring into the air like a gazelle as it cleared the top of the hill and rolled down.

"Best drive you've hit for fucking months!" Resnic, the Bosnian refugee and lowest handicapper in our group, sputtered as he watched incredulously as did Glen my ex-Pommie mate.

I gave them both the finger and picked up my tee and cigarette and turned to head for my cart. Black skirt and pink shoes in my eye line as I followed her over to put my club back in my bag. She sat quietly as I drove down to the ladies' tee block.

"Sorry," I said as she made to get out of the cart as she pulled her pink glove onto a dainty hand. She paused in the act and I couldn't help noting the skirt showed a lot more of her inner thigh. "I didn't catch your name," I finished.

"Choi," she answered and I nodded.

Her first drive showed me she knew her way around a golf course. I checked the scoring app and yelled out to the others that I would mark Choi. They nodded and drove off to find their own balls.

"No," she giggled as she sat beside me as I waited for the app to reset. "Toy. Like something you play with," she giggled and gave me a twinkle eyed stare as I watched the names come up on the little screen.

"Says Choi here," I grinned back at her.

"I want you to call me Toy," she said softly.

I grabbed her uncovered hand and placed it on the throbbing bulge in my trousers. "This is a toy," I said.

Her poke in my ribs and suggestion that we move to our next shots made me shake my head and come back from my fantasy world. Her name was Emily and she gave me that giggle again as I checked the app and saw Emily Daniels, handicap of 6. I groaned. Oliver Henderson had a handicap of 18. I had the feeling I was going to get my arse whipped again. It was already bad enough with Resnic off 7 and Glen off 10. I had yet to ever beat either of them in the two years we had been playing as a foursome. Our other friend, Nick was a pilot and only got to play a few times a month if he was lucky.

Our four balls were within touching distance of one another and I was pleased that, for once, mine was the longest drive. I told the boys that I would mark Emily and they nodded as we reset the phone app and made the changes. I began to get nervous again. I seldom got the second shot over the creek that split the fairway and as I watched the three of them easily clear it and send their balls bouncing down towards the green off in the distance the feeling I was going to do it got less. I waggled.

"Relax, Oliver. You are far too tense. The game is about timing and having fun. Just hit it like you did off the tee. Easy, head down and think only about sending it down on its path," Emily said softly from just a little to the left and behind me.

I breathed deep and let my eyes find the ball again. I swung and I heard a little bit of rapid but quiet clapping happening. "See, look at that! You are almost on the green!" she said excitedly.

I turned towards where she was pointing just in time to see the bright white flash of my ball rolling onto the edge of the first green. I had never hit this par 5 for two in the four years I had been playing this mongrel hole!

I grabbed her in a bear hug and wrapped my arms under her dainty arse and pulled her hard against my raging cock. She kissed me heatedly. "If you get the Eagle I will give you my panties and you can stare at my twat all day," she said hotly as she bumped her groin against mine.

"Come on, Oliver. Let's go," she said coolly from the passenger seat as I stood still holding the pose from the second best shot I had ever hit. My face blushed a bright red as I hurriedly got round the back of the cart and stuffed the club back in my bag.

"What the fuck is happening to me?" I asked my mind furiously as I drove the cart hard to catch up with Resnic, who always drove as fast as the carts would let him. He also drove with a phone almost plugged in his ear all the time as he managed his business on the course. Glen was striding out ahead of us as he followed his electronic buggy towards his ball.

Emily gave me a strange look as I watched her chip her ball to within a few feet of the cup. I had been concentrating so hard on watching her arse and her skirt that I had no idea where her ball went so I didn't comment. "Did you not like my shot, Oliver?" she asked as she sat again and I prepared to drive off.

"Uh, umm. I am sorry, Emily. I don't know what is happening in my head. I didn't even see it!" I said softly.

"Too busy watching my arse, hey?" she grinned. I stupidly nodded and waited for the backlash at my male chauvinist action. "It's ok, you can watch my arse. I don't mind," she giggled softly even as she patted my knee as I drove slowly back to the path and then up to the green.

"You did just do that?" I asked as she lifted her hand when we came to a stop.

"Touch your knee?" she smiled. I nodded again not trusting my voice. "You are a nice man and honest."

"It's just that I have already had a couple of mental daydreams on the way down this hole and I am struggling to get a grip," I told her as we both retrieved our putters from the back of the cart from our bags.

"I will tell you if you are daydreaming, Oliver. I think I can read you," she grinned as we went to look at our respective putts.

Her bending over straight legged in front of me to mark her ball was almost enough to have my cock burst my fly. I have played with lady golfers before and any of them that wear a skirt normally have those bloomer type things on under them. Emily appeared to be wearing something far less substantial than that as I watched her long legs come in to view without the tell-tale trace of fabric hiding her soft tanned skin.

She turned and smiled at me and asked if I wanted it in or out. Her tone set me off again as I imagined her spread over my lap and asking the same question as she held my big cock up against her bald, hot and very wet cunt. I shook my head and said, "Out, please."

She giggled as she pulled the flag out and moved back to stand beside me as I tried to work out where this so far obedient ball was going to run to when I struck it with my putter. It was my experience that no matter how carefully I sent it in the direction I wanted it would find some way to find its own course as far from the hole as it could. "You like seeing all of the hole, too?" Emily asked as she watched me turn the ball to my dot marks beside the brand name to line up the shot.

"Always like to see it with nothing in it," I replied automatically. It was the same question I got asked a dozen times a week when I played with different people on the other days I played.

"Until you put something in it," she barely whispered.

I was trembling as I moved in behind the ball. "What the hell was this woman trying to do to me?" I asked myself as I lined up the white and red lines on my putter with the spots on the ball and struck it towards the hole. I could not believe that it ran smooth, without deviation, and fell into the hole almost 18 feet away. I had eagled the first fucking hole! I threw my hands up in absolute delight and got high fives from both Resnic and Glen. Emily battered her eyelashes prettily and told me well played even as I retrieved my ball and gave it a kiss. I grinned widely at her as she handed me the flag.

I had done nothing spectacularly like the first hole for the next seven. Oh I hit my drives better than I had ever done. I found greens, I putted like a demon and I had 18 stableford points after 7 holes. Those of you that play golf would know I was having a great round.

Little, long legged and pretty eyed Emily was marginally ahead of me. She did not hit one ball onto the green that was any more than 6 feet from the pin. If it was not for a few bumpy bits on the green she would have had all birdies but had settled for a couple of pars. She hit the ball like a pro and I could not help but admire the way she swung and connected. Her full chest would swing into the ball and over it as her club continued on its track after she hit and finish up and over her shoulder. I was torn between watching her chest or her hips. Her little skirt was in danger of rising quite high as she struck the ball as if it owed her something.

The eighth hole is a long par 4 and the males hit from the other side of a creek while the women hit from about 60 metres closer. I usually take two balls with me in case I duff the first one into the creek. As I reached for a second ball Emily put her hand on mine. I looked into her face. "You will not need it," she smiled. I nodded and gave her a shy grin back. Instead I grabbed a smoke and lit it before trotting after the other two over the little footbridge that was the only access to the tee.

It was not the best drive I hit all day but it did fly down the left and managed to miss the trees and curve back onto the fairway. As I walked down to the bridge and back to my cart I watched Emily smash her drive past even Resnic's huge drive. She looked back at me and smiled as I put my driver back in the bag. "See I told you," she said as she put her own driver in the bag and we both got back in the cart.

"I was feeling a little nervous though, Emily. It seems you are forcing me to pay a lot of attention to what I am doing today," I told her as we drove along.

"Worried the girl might show you up, Oliver?" she asked primly.

"No. I am used to being beaten on the golf course. No, more like my mind starts playing tricks on me if I don't just think about that horrible little white thing and hitting it," I admitted a little nervously as I tried to keep my eyes off the tanned softness of her thighs that seemed to be peeking out from under her black skirt more and more as we played.

"What sort of tricks?" she asked curiously.

"You don't want to know, pretty lady," I chuckled shyly as I pulled up alongside my ball and tried to work out how I was going to get the mongrel thing over the two great yawing mouths they called fucking bunkers protecting the flag that was set right behind them.

I struck a magnificent 8 iron that was heading to the flag! I grinned at Emily who was watching the ball fly just as intently and both of us gave disgruntled exclamations of disbelief as the ball hit the face of the biggest bunker and rolled into hell! She of course hit her 9 iron brilliantly and it almost spun back into the jaws of the cup. I gave her shoulder a light tap and said great shot before picking out my sand wedge and heading into the bowels of the devil of golf. I couldn't even see the tip of the flag as I stood contemplating the ball sitting proud as punch on the sandy floor of the Grand Canyon. I was disgusted.

"The flag is on this line," Emily said as she stood at the lip of the bunker and stared down at me. I looked up and all I could see was her cunt covered in a thin strip of pink! As I stood dumbfounded and blinking I swear the tanned flaps of her bald snatch sucked that little pink strip of cloth in between them. I tried to look past her and line up with where she was standing with something on the face of the bunker or at the top to give me something to aim at. All I could see was those beautiful meaty flaps! Even the pink strip was just a memory except for the base of the triangle that had been trying to cover her pussy where it attached to the thin string of pink that circled her hips. I was standing there with my mouth open and I swear drool was just about to fall from my bottom lip.

She squatted down and her knees were wide open. The pink strip returned, just. "Get it out and this will not be the last time you see up here, Ollie. And I promise you it won't be your mind playing tricks," she giggled before standing up and moving several metres to my right to give me a clear shot.

"My hands are shaking!" I thought to myself as I waggled. I waggled again and concentrated on the spot about 40 mm behind the ball. I swung and my eyes never left the spot where my club swept through the sand and under the ball. It disappeared! My head rose and I could not believe the cheers from Resnic and Glen as my ball dropped onto the green and rolled another two feet and dropped into the hole beside the flag!

"See, Ollie," Emily said as I raked my shot mark. I looked up and there she was again squatting on the lip of the bunker. Her beautiful pussy still munching on that pink string. "Motivation is a great thing!"

I raked hard and cleanly as I nodded and grinned like a madman as she lifted and said she was going to match me. She did.

I almost made a mistake on the next hole. Another par 5 and I hit it further down the fairway than ever as Emily told me to relax and just keep going as I was. I drove her down to the ladies' tee which was about a hundred metres further up on the long hole. Not that Emily needed it but those are the rules. I watched her hit again and was delighted when she contrived somehow to make her skirt front billow up and I saw her pink covered pussy again. Her ball, I had no idea but for the "Great shot, Emily!" from Glen I assumed it to be way down the fairway again.

As she sat next to me after putting her club away I placed my hand on her bare thigh. She grabbed it and I could not help but feel her sharp nails dig into the skin. "No touching on the course, Ollie! Looking is fine. You can touch anything you want. Do anything you want after the game. In fact," she turned to me slightly even as she let me slowly remove my hand from her grip, "if you beat me I will let you fuck me anyway you want, including up the arsehole!"

"Hmmpff!" I grunted even as I smiled at her.

"What?" she grinned back even as she let her skirt ride up just a little further. It was enough for me to see the lowest part of the flaps of her pussy, just, without her being overly obvious to anyone else that may have looked our way.

"I could never beat you. You're fucking good! Me, I am having an overdue lucky day. I bet that the last nine I will go to crap and you will never speak to me again as I curse and bash my way around the back nine!" I told her with a growl as she pointed out her ball way down the fairway.

"In that case, Oliver, I will fuck you up the arse!" she retorted with a little nasty giggle. I gulped, she may have laughed but her eyes held a wicked gleam that suggested she was not really joking.

I managed to clear the water and put myself in position to hit the green for three. Emily was just on the edge for two and even Resnic was impressed as he marked his ball that was about thirty feet from the cup for two. I took two chips to get on, as usual and was almost ready to bash my wedge into the back of the bag when Emily glared at me. "I have a ten inch strapon, Ollie," she whispered as she gently tapped my arse as she walked past with her putter.

If I was nervous on the first it was far worse off the tenth when Emily encouraged me to take my driver and belt it over the sand traps in the fairway. I had never hit that line before but I somehow managed to see my ball sailing over them as Glen yelled out I would be almost on the green!