I found the lamp at the Goodwill store behind Radio Shack on Emerson Drive. It was buried under a pile of brass junk. The lamp was tarnished and had a green spout, but I thought it was worth the fifty cents.
That afternoon, when I sat down on the sofa with a polishing cloth, the first vigorous rub across the lamp's belly produced a thin vapor. I swatted at the mist with my free hand, thinking the cleaning fluid had reacted to the metal. The more I rubbed, the more the room filled with the vapor.
"He who releases me receives three wishes," boomed an unexpected voice.
I leaped to my feet, the lamp tumbling to the floor. I lived in an apartment and was accustomed to sounds bleeding through the walls, but not like this.
"He who releases me receives three wishes," the voice boomed again. The vapor had taken form, pulling together into a middleweight genie dressed in green satin pajamas and a red turban, tapering to an ethereal wisp still caught in the lamp's spout.
"Holy hell," I gasped.
"My name is Zelik, the genie of the lamp. The last time I was freed, I gave Gettysburg to General Grant because of a little girl's wish to have her father return safely from the war. Now it is your turn to have three wishes. What does the great Oliver Watson wish for?"
"Wow!" A thousand unanswered prayers, wild daydreams, paths not taken, and mistakes that could be righted crowded my head. So many things, so many possibilities. Did I want Rome, or the moon, or a million dollars?
Suddenly, I heard female laughter come from inside the lamp. Zelik discreetly made a movement that might've been him tapping his foot, if he had a foot to tap. And I knew he was covering up something. Something down in that lamp. Something he didn't want me to know about. Something I imagined to be juicy and fun and naughty and delicious. I was jealous. It'd been a long time since I'd been in the romantic company of a woman. I'd been too busy with work, college, and saving for a house.
Then I heard the unmistakable tinkle of the woman's laughter again, quickly followed by another woman's smothered laugh.
"And what does Oliver Watson wish for? Perhaps a shiny red car?" Zelik spoke loudly as if to cover up the lighthearted sound coming from the lamp between my feet.
I made up my mind in that instant. "I wish to go down inside your genie lamp." The words barely left my tongue when poof! I was the size of a french fry and knee deep in various colors and sizes of velvet, satin, silk and leather pillows. I was in a rounded room with red satin material draping the walls. Electric lanterns hung from the curved ceiling, and cast rust colored shadows across the room.