The events and characters of this story are figments of my imagination and totally fictional. Truly, I have no idea where I get this shit. I need help.
*
Should someone see themselves as characters in this story, it's either a huge coincidence on my part or guilt and shame on your part. Yet, for those who are truly shameful and guilty, don't despair, oh miserable ones. God is saving a special place for you, one that is much darker than your personality and more deeply disturbed than your thoughts.
Whenever I can, I promise, I'll drop you down some ice. Only, by the time it reaches the depths where your soul remains in burning eternity, the ice may turn to boiling hot steam. In that case, I'll send you extra ice...and you thought your stories were hot. Give my regards to Dante, to all the Popes of the Catholic Church, who took pennies from the poor to build the glistening gold of Vatican City, and to all of our political public servants. I'd wear sunscreen and bring marshmallows if I were you.
'Twas a sad day at Fictionrotica. The clouds appeared, the skies darken, and the birds no longer sang when Freddie lost another contest at Fictionrotica. Shakespeare rolled over in his grave and Stephen King decried, decreed, and declared the death of the short story...again.
Freddie thought he was going to win the Great Divider Contest this time. He had a good chance, after all, because the contest was based on story quantity and not quality or by the popularity of the chummy friends votes. If only he had not pulled 32 of his stories for publication. Alas, so few have such control over the destiny of so many writers on this site.
"Quiet please. Calm down amateur writers and aspiring professional scribes. Things are not as bad as they seem. There is hope. Put out your torches and return back to your keyboards and write, write, write. Persevere my dear friends, persevere. Don't be discouraged by the deceitfulness of so few. There is no need for violence. I beg you not to revolt and withhold your stories for it will surely pass. It is but only a temporary condition of the lunacy that pervades pornography sites such as this."
I write fiction. Alas, I write it all too well. The only thing that eclipses the mastery of my writing skill is my boyish good looks, the muscularity of my manly body, the size of my package, and my modesty. There are those who write and read on these very pages who I have angered because I turned down their offers of sex. Thank you for wanting to fuck me up the ass or for wanting to tie me up and beat me silly while having forced sex with my muscular body, I wrote back, but I'm in a serious relationship (thank God) with a normal, breathing woman, one who I don't have to inflate. I wrote and told them that I'm not gay. I wrote and told them that I'm not into anal, bondage or S & M or whatever the Hell they do with that cattle prod, (God only knows).
