You won't believe me when I tell you, but I'll tell you anyways. I dated a vampire once. The thought of dating one more than once never crossed my mind. Of course, he wasn't a real vampire; he just paraded himself as one. He believed that this delusion made him different. Having the delusion did make him different. When he told me what he believed himself to be, I nearly pissed myself. Imagine being on a first date and the person across from you tells you that they are a vampire and your response is leaking between your legs. I think the greater offense would be peeing on myself, especially if he was joking. He isn't joking though. He said he was different and then he explained that he was some kind of day-walking vampire. He had this whole mythos detailed and I went with it because it is every girls dream to sleep with a vampire.
I asked him how he knew that he was a vampire and he told me that his whole family was made up of vampires. Well my family can be called blood suckers, but I wouldn't go so far as to call them vampires. Plus how does anything dead give birth anyways? Yet here I was listening to his gobbled gook and hoping that we could just sleep with each other and call it quits. Obviously I'm not going to actually date him for real, he thinks he is a vampire.
Years later I would learn that when he was in school he would get out of gym class because he complained that the sun hurt him. Logically one would wonder how the sun hurt a day-walking vampire, but I digress. Instead as most high school kids do, people would channel their energy elsewhere leaving him to his own devices. I guess it didn't hurt that he was on drugs at the time and the people closest to him would feed his abnormal curiosities. I wanted to feed him, but not in that way. I just wanted to know what it would feel like to be bit. He had enlarged canines which I found oddly stimulating and he felt as his God given right as a vampire. I'm not sure how God factors in, but he seemed to believe in him.
