Dear Dora - Five Letters

Dear Dora,

Men are constantly coming on to me, and it is driving me crazy!

I know it's hard to judge one's own looks and behavior objectively. I believe I am a reasonably attractive young woman, but no more so than the next girl. I try to dress professionally but modestly, and I try to act politely but without giving off "signals" to the men and boys around me that I'm "on the prowl," or available, although I would of course be interested in the sincere attentions of the right man.

Nevertheless, men are constantly accosting me in the most insulting way. Just this morning, the mail room boy in our office dropped off my mail, and made the following comment: "Hey, Miss Jenkins, you're looking especially hot today!" The man in the next cubicle from mine came by later and said "Sally! Whatta you say we go out for a long lunch today!" I know he wasn't really thinking about lunch!

Even my boss asked me if I wanted to go to a week-long convention with him as his "personal assistant!" In that case, and in the case of Rob, the guy in the next cubicle, this kind of sexual innuendo makes for a really uncomfortable working environment.

Do I have a basis for a sexual-harassment lawsuit?

Sincerely,

Sex Is Such A Nuisance

Dear Nuisance,

I have several reactions to your letter.

First, I think you may be a little over-sensitive to possibly sexual comments. No question the mail-room boy's comment was intended to be a little risqué, but I think it was probably good natured and meant to be complimentary. Likewise, your cubicle-neighbor Rob's offer of a long lunch. You didn't say whether you were attracted to either of these guys, but I take from context that you are not. You might want to relax a little and not always assume every comment is a pass. As hard as it might be, try to imagine that every man in your office is not constantly trying to seduce you.

Second, your boss' offer of a trip to a convention may or may not have been a solicitation for sexual favors. Did he mention what the travel and sleeping arrangements might be at the convention? Did he mention what your duties there might entail? Here's a thought: maybe he was actually offering you a unique opportunity for professional advancement and you turned him down because you're so self-absorbed.

Third, if you feel uncomfortable in your job situation now, please go right ahead and file that sexual-harassment lawsuit. Based on what you have told me in your letter, such a suit has not a chance in hell of succeeding, but it will certainly cool off the socio-sexual atmosphere around you at the office. It's the one course of action that will make your current situation look attractive by comparison.

I don't know exactly what kind of story-book eunuch you might consider "the right man" who could possibly be the author of the appropriate "sincere attentions," but I would be surprised if you find a guy any time soon that is interested in an egotistical, cold-hearted bitch like you. I'm just saying.

Dora

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Dear Dora,

My problem is straightforward. My husband is a very big man. He's not fat by any means, but he is much larger than the average guy. He's taller, wider, thicker in the torso, with bigger muscles, a bigger neck, and bigger legs than any other man I know of.

The problem is, he's bigger in every way, if you know what I mean. What I mean to say that this man is really, really big! What you might think of as, painfully big, if you get my drift.

John also has fantastically big appetites. He drinks a lot, eats a lot, plays a lot, works very hard, and her likes to ... well he enjoys his "marital privileges" A LOT. Frequently, and thoroughly.

I'm a normal woman, I guess, and I enjoy sex. I love John like crazy, and I have never refused him anything he wanted to do, any time. But I can tell you, you can only take so much. In a word, I'm worn out. We've been married three years, and I'm not sure I will survive another three. Can you help?

Worn Out

Dear Worn,

This is a problem that requires my personal attention. Please send me your phone number and address, and I'll drop by and see if I can't help with your problem.

Dora

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Dear Dora,

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I can't seem to get enough.

I'm a "happily" married woman ... which is to say that I love my husband, and I don't really want to stray. But poor Ronald just can't seem to keep me satisfied in the bedroom. I seem to need many times as much activity in the sex department as he does.

I know this is not the usual problem for most marriages. Most of my women friends complain about just the opposite – that their husbands seem to want sex much more than they are interested in doing it. I listen to these conversations and bite my tongue, thinking, "jeez, send them over to my house ... I'd love to help them out." Actually, if it came to that, I'm betting Ronald would be happy to have the help, too.

He comes home from his job as a roofer dog-tired most days, working from daybreak to dusk at a back-breaking job, and all he gets at home is a wife whining for more, more, more! I imagine most men think they would love to have this problem, but I know for a fact that Ronald would tell them they don't know what they're talking about. He has said to me many times, " a lot is good, more is better, but there's a point with anything where enough is enough!"

I love Ronald so much, but I can hardly sit still, the way I feel every day. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Itchy, Looking for a Scratch

Dear Itchy,

Yours is one of those letters I receive that contains the solution to your own problem right in the letter, but you just don't seem to see it.

You mention that the other ladies in your area are unable to satisfy their husbands, while your husband is unable to satisfy you. You should gently probe Ronald's feelings about "spreading the wealth," so to speak, among your friends' husbands.

If he doesn't seem supportive of a neighborhood out-reach program, that doesn't mean you can't proceed. It just means you need to be a bit more discreet. If ole' Ron is at work from sunup to sundown every day, there's at least a couple of hours a day when the rest of the men in your neighborhood could drop by for some mutual scratchin'.

If you quietly go about your "business" (not that I'm suggesting that you charge for your services, although that might not be a totally bad idea), I think everyone you've mentioned, including your friends and your husband, might welcome the results. I'm pretty sure, if you quietly let it be known that you are available for such visits, you would have plenty of helpers, your itch would be soothed, and you might even earn a little scratch!

Dora

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Dear Dora,

I know I'm a big sucker, but I don't know what to do about it.

When I was in high school, I resisted having sex with boys for fear of getting pregnant. I quickly learned that I could keep the boys happy by giving them blow jobs. At first, like most girls, I think, I found it repugnant, even though I knew it was necessary if I wasn't going to "put out." But after not too long, I discovered that I was actually getting off on it myself, and before TOO long, I learned to love sucking a guy off.

It got to the point that I would often actually coax a guy to let me suck his cock on the first date, even though they were often (more often than you would think!) reluctant to do so. I have been told I'm not a skag in the looks department, in fact I've even been told I'm "attractive," "hot," and "cute," so I've never really understood their initial reluctance. Maybe I'm just a little too aggressive; I've learned it goes better if I wait until the end of the first date rather than offering them a BJ right at the beginning of the date while we're walking to his car.

Needless to say, I enjoyed my time at college. Even though I had access to birth control pills by then, and I like to do the nasty as much as anyone, I still specialized in blow jobs, and I would like nothing better than going on a date with one of the "frat rats," and ending the evening going back to his house and using my mouth to keep all the boys occupied for a few hours.

Since entering into the work force, I find my opportunities much more limited. I have occasional dates, and have had a "steady" boyfriend a couple of times, but I like variety. And quantity! And there's the problem. How does a single working gal find a steady stream of hard ones to suck and swallow. If I just knew where to find 'em, I know I'd have no trouble getting 'em to give me what I want.

Can you help?

There's One Born Every Minute

Dear Minute,

Have you ever heard of "truck stops?"

Dora

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Dear Dora,

My wife is having an affair. That is not really the problem; although we're still in love, and she is my very best friend, we really haven't been interested in one another sexually for years. So, I don't feel what I assume most husbands would feel ... jealousy and shame because of being cuckolded. On the contrary, I'm glad she's having some fun, and I don't want to spoil it for her.

I know one of the facets of the fun of an affair is the secrecy and the idea of "cheating" – sex is great on its own, but thinking you're sinning adds that little spark which can keep the fire going quite a bit longer; I think that's why many married couples lose the passion not too long after the honeymoon. What's the fun of doing it if it's all on the up-and-up? Who wants church-approved sex?

So, I certainly have no reason to confront my wife about her fling. And I know it's not her first, anyway, and not likely to be her last. I'm just glad she's having herself a good time.

The problem is that her current lover is my best buddy, Max from work. Max and I bum around together, he's on my bowling team, we watch sports together at the bar, and we swap lies about our manly exploits. I actually enjoy hearing Max's tales of the wild things he and his lover do, especially when I recognize some of Sheila's physical features or behaviors in what he says. Max, of course, doesn't suspect that I know he's making it with Sheila, or he wouldn't dare talk so freely. My guess is that talking about his exploits to me gives him an extra little thrill, too. 'Sfine with me!

What I fear, is that I'm beginning to hear hints of actual affection and maybe even love when Max talks about Sheila (not by name, of course ... he usually says "my lady.") I don't want to lose my wife. She's the mother of our children, and as I said, my best friend. On the other hand, I'm pretty sure she will never be happy with just one man, and Max isn't the kind of guy who would accept her running around on him like I do. And I certainly don't want to see Wendy, Max's wife, hurt, either.

I've tried to cool off their affair indirectly by complicating it as much as possible for them to get together. When ever Sheila says she's going shopping, I jump up and volunteer to go along. Whenever she says she's going over to visit her sister, I mention that my brother-in-law has asked me to come over to help with a project, too. I can see she is beginning to get peeved at me, but at least I'm making it a little harder for her to mess up Max's life.

Do you have any other suggestions?

A Friend Indeed

Dear Friend,

From what you've told me about Sheila, it sounds like your efforts are doomed to fail, and after all, all you're really doing is cutting off Max, your buddy.

You're right, though, the naughty aspect of an affair is a large part of the fun. Revealing to the two of them that you know about them would definitely cool off their affair, but I don't see how it would help your situation, unless ...

Maybe knowing that you know could be offset by including you in their fun and games. You may have lost interest in Sheila in the sanctity of the marriage bed, but I'll bet you would perk right up, so to speak, if you and Max were double-teaming her between halfs on football night.

And as for possibly hurting Wendy, why not ask her to join in, too? It might not be a permanent solution for everybody, but there are enough permutations and combinations with four people involved to keep you all smokin' for at least a couple of years!

Dora