Code Words in Women's Ads

A list of Abbreviations in the "WOMEN SEEKING MEN" Classifieds:

CODE WORD

.....MEANS

40-ish

.....49

Adventurer

.....Has had more partners than you ever will. Never climbed a hill

Affectionate

.....Won't hold his hand before the third date, kiss before the fifth, neck before the seventh, offer reciprocation for dinner before the ninth, or ever share sensual intromission before the eleventh date!

Athletic

.....Flat-chested, no make-up, boy's hair cut. A girl? Or sexless "guy"?

Average looking

.....Ugly

Beautiful

.....Pathological liar, delusional, sees a fantasy in the mirror

Blue jeans to black tie

.....Wears yours or hers? Wears pants in male relationships and will tie knots with your little black book, Buster

Buxom

.....Balloon boobs

Christian

.....Never had an original, questioning thought in her life. Goes to kindergarten bible study and presumes that her religion requires sexual suppression, so quashed that her human sex desire is that of a plaster angel

Classy

.....Wants free society dates to show off her ego -Has no "Character" to show at Classy conversations

Commitment-minded

.....Would like to not work. Asks if you own or rent?

Communication important

.....Just try to get a word in edgewise. Doesn't call back on her "Women Seeking Men" responses. You do the communicating, she judges, too rude to call back

Contagious Smile

.....Prearranged. Like her canned talk. No spend? -No smile

Conversation important

.....About what food she had to eat at a restaurant last Friday

Dances

.....Enjoys moving as if she were sensuous, having Sublimated her sex drive by terpsichorean "exercise"

Degree

.....MRS., her only goal in education, forfeited by divorce

Educated

.....College dropout, with an Incomplete MRS. Degree

Emotionally secure

.....Still seeking the wrong man, making the same mistakes with men, throwing tantrums in petulant pms perturbation

Employed

.....Part-time job stuffing envelopes at home, and a "masseuse"

Energetic

.....Dances, jogs, aerobics, light-weights, tennis, golf, walks fast- anything but fulfillment of female sexual physical function

Enjoys art and opera

.....Snob who never bought a ticket to an opera, a concert, gallery, museum; never Reciprocated for free art dates

Enjoys Nature

.....You bring it all. Her hiking path has cut across her sex drive. She notices hikers' shoes, no trees or birds

Exotic Beauty

.....Would frighten a Martian. Exotic get-up for "local yokel"

Family interest

.....No time for a boy friend on weekend or holiday-with family

Feminist

.....Man hating ball-buster, calls girls 'guys' and wants it both ways: Equal wages as "person" and Free dates as "lady"

Financially secure

.....One paycheck from the street. Has all of husband's assets from the divorce. Buys shoes every month

Free Spirit

.....Substance abuser. Likes slipping out to "make it" with a stranger or a friend of yours, when Your date

Friendship first

.....Trying to live down a reputation as a slut. She "Never goes any further than petting, with any man," anyway!

Fun

.....Annoying. You supply the fun and expense. She'll judge

Goal oriented

.....You, not her. Your goal must be to support her, her goals

Green eyes

.....Another one? Jealous suspicion motivates throwing the phone

Gentle

.....Comatose.....until you suggest She pay for a drink or dinner!

Health interest

.....She asks for your cardiovascular rate, never arouses your heart

Humorous

.....Caustic. What's the Women's' most required Men's Quality? "Sense of humor." But she's too insecure to have one or know when you are showing your sense of humor -she's "hurt"

Intuitive

.....Your opinion doesn't count. She reads your Mind, not her own

In Transition

.....Needs a new sugar-daddy to pay her bills; last one got wise

ISO

.....In Search Of.....or is In Sexual Ossification from sex refusal

Job seeking

.....In search of "security," "prestige" -not to "Contribute"

Kind

.....After her free dinner she offers you a cafe's free mint

Light drinker

.....Lush. Likes expensive call-liquor drinks you pay for as she brags, "I've Never Bought a Man a Drink!"

Looks younger

.....If viewed from far away in bad light. She's still a "spoiled brat" who hasn't learned to reciprocate at all like she Takes

Loves Travel

.....If you're paying. She Never went anywhere by herself or without a girl friend. Looking for sucker to tease for free trips

Loves Animals

..... .....A three-cat lady, has a plaster cat statuette, glass cat menagerie, velvet cat painting, cat place mats, cat clock, cat plaque, with a kiddie-cat's brain -no mate

LTR

.....Living Together Relationship, also Loony Twit Ranting!

Mature

.....Making same mistakes with men, choice of boy friends

Natural

.....Gone to pot. Too lazy to exercise etiquette, good language

New-Age

.....Nose, eyebrow, lip, ear, tongue, naval, and vulva -are pierced; butt, shoulder, ankle, back and belly -tattooed; hair dyed purple

Non-traditional

.....Exhusband lives in the basement, massage parlor in living room

Old-fashioned

.....Lights out, missionary position, breeds annually -in kitchen

Open-minded

.....Open to flirting with men, closed-minded if "You're flirting!"

Outgoing

.....Loud show off. Talks on, about food and clothes

Passionate

.....Loud orgasmic release in sex act -never happens

Petite

.....Could be cast as a Munchkin. Arrested growth of sex life

Poet

.....Depressive Schizophrenic who scribbles in her Nescience

Possible LTR

.....Possibly, Long Time Refusing men has lost her lust for 'em

Professional

..... .....She expects your same generous spending on her, as on the unemployed girls you take out! She's "rich"

Quality

.....Queer, quirky quips querulous of a quixotic quandary

Reliable

.....Stands you up on an agreed, confirmed date due to a change of mood an hour before. Has a lay-for-pay lawyer to handle her broken property agreements

Reubenesque

.....Gross. So obsessed about hair she forgot about her body

Romantic

.....Looks better by candle light. Whispers, "In your dreams," then Yells, "Not gonna happen Buster! I'm not that kind of girl! I don't 'hop' into bed with 'any' man!".....She doesn't Slowly go to Bed at Anytime with Any man!

Seductive

.....Embarrassed by sexy innuendo, giggles and turns Away when she sees a handsome nude man! Shocked seeing man naked!

Self-employed

.....Jobless. Another "Interior Decorator," rearranges women's' wardrobes or furniture on Sat. Another "In-home Masseuse"

Sensitive, sensible

.....Self-centered, talks about her hair's history of different tintings

Sensuous

.....Startled, then Offended by a Man's gentle hand on her shoulder

Sincere

.....Really only wants a Sat night date to brag about on Mon morning

Smart

.....Clever at conning men; acts naive to lure men into property cons

Smoker

.....Prefers laryngeal cancer to healthful deep-throat protein cream

Social

.....Women's support groups, aerobics, girls night-out. Social with Men? "O, they're okay for free dinners, couples' affairs"

Special

..... What woman thinks she is not "special?" She doesn't want to Know about the three Other women who also expect you to spend generously on as they, too, are "Special!"

Spiritual

.....Involved with cult. Meditation is her recreation, psycho-sexual sublimation, subordinating her sex -if she ever had any

Spontaneous

.....Asks on Mon, "What'd ya have in mind for your lucky Saturday night date?" Requires date commitment by Wed, verified by Thur and confirmed by Fri call by 4:00

Sports

.....Has no idea of the cost of admission to golf courses, ski weekends, tennis club, sailing, ball games, team-fan trips

Stable

.....When she Suspects you Looked at "Another woman" -is insane!

Sweet and sassy

..... Saccharin or sour, acerbically argumentative, demanding drab, harrying harridan, temper-tantrum throwing termagant! Can be Violently vituperative, a virago, yacking yenta, willful witch!

Tall, thin

.....Anorexic

Tan

.....Wrinkled

Tired of bar scene

.....That's been over for twenty years; wishes it wasn't

Unattached

.....Has a former boy friend considering returning to

Variety of interests

.....She "can't think of any" but has "them, and more!" (Ha)

Vivacious

.....Volubly vexed at any veiled suggestion of sex or Venery!

Voluptuous

.....Very wide, but critical of men; an egg criticizing a differential

Weight proportional

.....to height.....Hugely fat, has a ste-a-to-pyg-ic beach-ball behind

Wants Soul-mate

....."Well, maybe I just want some free dates t'get out once a while!"

Widow

.....Nagged her first husband to death; looking for another victim

Writer

.....Pompous. Writes of fribble dating and can't describe fellatio. Uses the word "cute" to describe a pussy cat, a dress, a handsome, robust man; "Stranger to passion" twit

Young at heart

.....Toothless crone. Pretends "jejune naivety" to avoid adult pleasure, feigns the "sexually repressed Christian girl" role to deny a man's desire for her desireless sexual orifices

Zoology interest

.....Doesn't know that the female breast evolved for the clasping palm of the erect standing male's hand, to hold her supple, aroused, erect-nippled, cone-shaped, graspable breasts have evolved for attracting the male to further the survival of our species. She doesn't know how lamentable it is that since 315 A.D. with the acceptance of Christian prudery, churchist prohibition, self-denial of her human nature's desire for a man's breast fondling arousal, after 1,684 years of inculcated psychological sexual repression, evolving with her congenital physical suppression forbidding "any man's hands on her breasts," especially among single women, may have caused the high increase of today's high in- cidence of female breast cancer. This condition is similar to one described to the authoress of The Vagina Monologues when she asked her gynecologist friend what his reflection was on womens' vaginas. He thought about his practice and said, "What I see the most in vaginas is cobwebs from years of disuse."