We gathered at the foot of the stairs. I was more than pissed off. I had just been cheated out of a thorough licking by a nineteen year-old virgin. Opportunities like that don't come along every day. I hated my job.
"So what do you think, Ms. McCoy?" Professor Plum asked me. "What do you think happened to the body?"
"I think somebody moved it," I said grumpily. "It didn't get up and walk away."
"Why would somebody move it?" Mrs. Peacock asked.
"I don't know," I snapped. "What do I look like to you? Sherlock Holmes?"
"You actually look a little like Philip Marlowe," Ms. Scarlet said, putting me in my place. "Only with nice tits."
"Whatever," I grumbled, secretly flattered. The interlude with Mrs. White had put me in a decidedly lesbian frame of mind, and Ms. Scarlet was looking good. She had squeezed herself into a bright red, lacy bra and crimson panties, which covered up her naughty bits, but not by much. I could still make out her firm, gumdrop-sized nipples, still hard just behind the silk, and I was dying to pop them in my mouth.
"How much progress have you made so far?" Mr. Green asked. He had one arm around Ms. Scarlet's shoulder and was holding her close, comforting her. Every time she looked away from him, he would study her cleavage. It was apparent from the lump in his trousers that she had been looking away from him quite often.
"I've only just started my investigation," I said unhappily. "And it would be a lot easier to make progress if people would stop interrupting me."
"You don't consider a missing body important?" Colonel Mustard asked, realizing I had been singling him out.
"Not as important as questioning possible witnesses," I fired back.
"How could your witness answer questions when her tongue is busy lapping at your crotch?" Colonel Mustard shouted, stepping forward.
"I happen to be a professionally licensed investigator, Colonel," I announced loudly. "I have closed over two hundred cases. I have received numerous commendations from a number of state and federal law enforcement agencies. I have also personally met with the President of the United States. If you feel you are more qualified to conduct this investigation, I'm anxious to hear your thoughts."
He fell silent, looking suitably chastised.
"Very well," I said, grabbing Mrs. White by the wrist. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a witness to question. The rest of you should search the house for the body." I pulled Mrs. White into the kitchen with me.
I shut the door and anxiously began unbuckling my belt. "Now," I said, "Where were we?"
"Um, Ms. McCoy?" she asked, hesitantly watching my pants drop.
"What?" I asked.
"I thought you were going to ask me questions," she asked uncertainly.
"Of course not," I said. "You're going down on me, remember?" "That was before," she said. "Before Mr. Boddy went missing. I really think we should find him."
"God Dammit," I said, letting out a sigh of frustration. "I never should have done you first."
"It's just not respectful that his body could be hidden in the house somewhere," she said. "Aren't you curious? Aren't you anxious to solve the crime? With all the credentials you listed…"
"Credentials?" I asked. "What credentials?"
"The licensed investigator, the commendations, the president…"
"Oh," I said, dismissing my credentials with a wave of my hand. "I made all that shit up. Except the President part." My lips tingled with the memory.
"Still…" Mrs. White said.
"All right, all right," I said, bending down and pulling up my pants again. "We need a plan."
"I'll help any way I can," Mrs. White said.
"Really?" I asked, pausing at my belt buckle.
"With the investigation," she added.
"Right," I said, pulling my belt tight. "There's at least one way you can help."
"How?"
"I need to find out who has a motive," I said. "No one's going to tell me anything. But you…with your sweet face and smooth legs and cute ass and juicy cunt and—"