Santa may not make it down my chimney anymore, but I think that he's still looking out for this secret starry eyed believer. He left me a little Christmas presentβ¦.a visit from one of his taller elves. He didn't come in the sleigh, nor from the mall display, or corner bars where the polyester bearded Santa's let loose their suspenders after the shopping frenzy hours are over. This elf came from the place that only true Christmas helpers originate. He was driving the Salvation Army truck that picked up my garage of impromptu donations.
I've always been a big fan of Christmas. Christmas trees, Christmas cards, wrapping gifts, decking halls, spiking eggnog, and all that holly jolly stuff were part of my mania in mid December. But after a disaster of a Thanksgiving with extended family in tow, and the added bonus of my boyfriend discovering that he liked to swing both ways on the North Pole (more like he liked going up it and down it in my bedroom nonetheless), I had become a little less Merry and a lot more Ho Ho Hum. Besides the festive cheer of Christmas Spirits past in my Snowman coffee mug where my once mixture of eggnog and rum had turned to complete devotion to Captain Morgan's, I was not in a festive mood at all.
So I did what everyone does when they're at the end of their ropes. I burned the rope and jumped on a new one. Or in this case, I threw all of Chad's things into boxes, added a few things of my own, drug the fouled mattress out to the garage and in the height of my mania (my neighbor reminding me of the burn ban when I asked to borrow his lighter fluid) decided to give it all to charity.
As I felt smugly proud of my new found charitable spirit, I donned the Santa hat I found in the back of the closet under Chad's collection of leather shoes, and cracked the seal on a new bottle hosting my favorite pirate of the season.
A half hour later, the old truck rumbled backwards into my driveway. I toddled to the door to see what was the clatter. Barefoot in my plaid pj bottoms I opened the door. My Santa hat flopping to one side over my long brown hair; I pressed my heated face on the glass of the front door. The glass cooled my warm feeling that had nothing to do with Christmas cheer and everything to do with the cheer in the snowman mug. I watched the driver make his decent. Tight blue jeans showed off well muscled legs, tight navy sweater stretched over ripples in a broad back, and all coming together with an ass that would make a saint cry. Hold the phone, it might be the booze, but this delivery is looking even better.
He had on a green and red toboggan, and I noticed from the way it clung, he was bald underneath the fuzzy friend. When he turned to walk to the door, I noticed his dark thin goatee and arched eyes. Tan, hard featured, and baby eyed. He was a David statue in clothes and a Christmas pen with the charity logo scrolled on the side.
I suddenly felt the need to go out and say hello. I met him in the garage, and showed him the proud packages for charity I had acquired. He looked over my boxes, the bed, then looked at me and smiled. His eyes looked me up and down in a way that I was hoping was predictive and not just my impaired thinking and new found horniness.
"Let me guess," he said in a deep voice, "bad breakup." He managed to look sincere as he loaded the first box of men's clothes then turned back to me.
I watched him closely, stalking my prey like an elusive jungle cat. My own animal stalking television show starring me was being narrorated by an Australian gator hunter in my head. Too much cable TVβ¦
I managed to smile my most charming seductive smile ("Al'ight mate, let me know you're frien'ly). "How'd you guess?"
He laughed and perched himself on the edge of the biggest of the boxes. Chad's entertainment system was in it. "Well for starters there's all the men's clothes. Then there's the bed."
I leaned against the garage, taking a drink from my trusty snowman. "Hmm mmm, but that could mean other things."
He smiled broader, perfect teeth flashing. I touched my lip with my tongue thinking about what it would be like to taste him. "Yes, but then there's the obvious thing."
"What's that?" I asked moving closer to him and sitting frosty down for the first time that morning. I moved in for a closer view.