Lady Fiona rode through the woods. Her polished armour gleamed in the sunbeams that came down through the canopy. Her blue eyes were slightly narrowed as she concentrated intently on the ground in front of her. But there was a faint smile on her lips, for Lady Fiona was engaged in one of her favourite tasks--tracking an enemy.
The footprints were fresh, which meant her adversary was close. She scanned the forest around her, and brushed away a stray blonde hair that had escaped from under her helmet. Then she caught a glimpse of something moving up ahead. She edged the horse in that direction, and then saw it again. She was sure now--it was on the run, and it was wishing she hadn't seen it.
Foul creatures they were, wood giants. They ran from a fair fight, preferring to ambush an outnumbered enemy. As strong and fast as he might be, however, he could not outrun her trusty steed. She gave it the spur and it leapt forward along the path, then off into the sparse woods. The giant up ahead broke into a run, but was quickly outpaced.
She reached her quarry in a sunny meadow. No more than fifty yards away was dark forest where it would be too thick for her horse to proceed. But the wood giant heard the pounding hooves approaching and knew that he would never make it. He turned and raised his club, teeth bared, taking his last stand.
The creature certainly looked like a man, though it was taller and stronger than any man could be. Its skin was dark and its long hair was disheveled. It wore aught but a belt and a loincloth made of sheepskin, and its club was long and thick as a horse's leg.
Though it was a monster, it would be unchivalrous for Lady Fiona to cut it down from horseback. So she reined in her horse, stopping at the other end of the meadow.
"Accursed giant!" she cried out, and the creature's eyes widened as it realized that this knight was in fact a woman.
"Villainous creature! I, Lady Fiona of the Knights Fair, have come to bring an end to your reign of terror in this land. Begone from here, or my holy blade shall strike you down!"
The giant squinted at her, perhaps because her armour shone so fiercely in the afternoon sun. The knight looked at the giant, and found her gaze moving from the heavy club in his hands to the long straight knife hanging from his belt, to the outline of his penis that was faintly visible under his tight loincloth.
"I was actually just on my way," the giant said.
"Fleeing this land in the hopes of escaping the retribution you deserve for your crimes?" the knight replied.
"Sorry if we did you any harm," said the giant. "We took a couple of the Baron's sheep, that's all. If he's really sore, we could work off the debt. Maybe he has some heavy things that need lifting? We giants are good at lifting."
"Silence!" Lady Fiona ordered in her most knightly bellow--which she had scrupulously practiced, for it was difficult for a woman to bellow in a properly knightly way.
"I'll be off now if that's okay with you," said the giant.
"Silence!" the crusader exclaimed again, her voice more shrill this time. "Lying demon! I am unmoved by your desperate rationalizations!"
"Okay, now, let's just keep it down to a low boil--"
"You will face me in single combat, and if I defeat you, you and your kind will leave this land for ever!"
"You know, we'd be happy to just go now and not come back. Without having to fight about anything first. Baron of Ancaster's got nice fat sheep, and his knights aren't nearly so sanctimonious--"
"ENOUGH! You will face me in battle, cowardly creature!" and she slapped her gauntlet against her breastplate for emphasis. Her fair cheeks were flushed red from anger, and that one blonde hair had gotten loose from under her helmet again.
"Um, okay." He shrugged his huge shoulders and lifted his club; his massive biceps flexed as he did.
Lady Fiona slid down from her horse. "A true knight such as I would never battle an enemy except in a fair trial of arms. Since you are unmounted, I will face you unmounted."
She removed her helmet. Her blonde hair cascaded down onto her shoulders. "Since you are unarmoured--" she couldn't help glancing at his crotch again-- "I will face you unarmoured." She removed her gauntlets next, and then set about unstrapping the various pieces of her armour.
The giant watched and waited, as she undressed in the most dashing, inspiring way she could. Which was neither particularly dashing nor inspiring; it was really quite an ordeal to remove a full suit of armour. Several minutes went by until she got her greaves and sabatons off. Realizing he was in for a long wait, the giant set his club against a tree and took a long draught from his waterskin.