My name is Tom Rogers and I'm 46 years old. My wife Peggy and I have been married since my third year of medical school. I am presently a practicing gynecologist at the Collins Clinic in Springfield Missouri. Our two kids, a son and a daughter, are both at MU and both are going to become doctors, following in the footsteps of their grandfather and me. We have had a fortunate life and we are very thankful for it.
My marriage to Peggy is a good one. She is a wonderful wife, with only one fault – an obsessive desire to gossip with several other wives about the personal lives of the members of our club. When I tell her she is overdoing it she says that everybody does it and there's no harm in it.
Each evening in bed she regales me with stories from her luncheon group (6 gals twice a week), her bridge group (four gals once a week) and the gals she sits around the pool with. All they talk about is sex. I suppose I should thank my lucky stars that she's just talking about it – not doing it!
THURSDAY NIGHT IN BED
I was exhausted from a long day in surgery and in no mood to listen to gossip but no sooner had I turned out the light and my head hit the pillow than Peggy started.
"Grace called me today and we had a long talk."
Jesus! What was this? Grace was our daughter, who I hoped was going to join her brother in medical school next September.
"Is there any problem?" I asked, suddenly wide-awake.
"It's Fred," Peggy said.
"Fred? Fred Collins?" I asked.
I didn't like her dating that guy. He was the grandson of the founder of our clinic and his father was chief of surgery. Fred was in medical school and both Grace and her mother had kept their dating a secret from me because they knew I didn't want her to date medical students. I had to find out about their relationship from his father.
"Yes," she said. "Grace wanted to talk about him."
"I hope she wants to dump him," I said. "He's six-two and girls think he's handsome and he's fucked half the girls on campus."
"Who does that remind you of?" Peggy asked with a chuckle.
"Remind me of? What do you mean," I asked, puzzled by her question.
"I once met a medical student who was six-two and handsome and fucked half the gals on campus," she said laughing.
Shit! She's talking about me!
"And I got into your pants dammit and that's why I don't want Grace to date him. He's trying to get into her pants."
"Trust me darling," Peg said sweetly. "Fred is NOT trying to get into Grace's pants."
"How can you be so sure of that?"
"I have a very close mother-daughter relationship with Grace and he's not trying to get into her pants."
Then it hit me! The only reason that horny med student wouldn't be trying to get into my daughter's pants was that he was already there! Shit! And Peg wouldn't break that confidence.
"What did you talk about?" I asked, trying to stay calm.
"Fred asked her to marry him," she said softly.
I was stunned. He'd make the world's worst husband, I thought, fucking every bitch in sight. Then I said it out loud.
"He'd make a lousy husband. He'd fuck every bitch in sight."
"That's exactly what everybody said about you darling and they were all wrong," Peg said lovingly, almost in a whisper.
"I can't believe she'd say yes knowing his reputation," I said.
"I'm not so sure of that," Peg said. "She knows YOUR reputation and what a good father and husband you turned out to be."
"Knows MY reputation?' I said angrily. "How the hell could she know my reputation?"
"Darling," Peg said sweetly. "You are still a legend at the Phi Chi house. Fred is the only guy who's come close to your record in over twenty years. Grace figures that if I can tame you she can tame Fred."
"What was her answer? Did she say yes?" I might not have much to say in this, I thought.
"She told him he'd get her answer after she thought about it and talked to her mother."
"That's hard to believe," I said. "You said yes right away."
"Grace doesn't have a Gladys Detweiler to deal with. I did."
"Darling you know that I was never serious about her."
"I know it now. I didn't know it then. I was scared to death of her. Grace and I talked for a long time. I told her if Fred was anything like you he'd make a fine husband."
"Thank you dear," I said.
This was the first time she had mentioned Gladys Detweiler since that meeting in Columbia six months ago. Never fear, I told myself, she'll talk about her again. Peg had NOT forgotten Gladys Detweiler.
"Good night dear."
"Good night dear."
MONDAY NIGHT IN BED
I turned out the light and the room became pitch dark. I could tell Peggy was excited. She seemed to be bubbling over.
"You've got some exciting news," I said.
"I had lunch with the girls today and Lois broke the good news."
Lois! Always Lois. Lois was married to the head of pharmacy and knew every drug people were taking from drugs for erectile dysfunction to birth control for daughters in high school. Everything seemed to start with Lois.
"What was her news?" I asked.
"You know that Lois's brother runs that jewelry store over on the east side. Well Saturday Rusty bought an engagement ring," Peggy said with a big smile in her voice.
The room was pitch dark but I knew exactly how happy she looked from her voice.
"I didn't know that he'd proposed to Pam," I said.
"He hasn't," she chuckled.
"Are you telling me that every lady in the club knows he gonna propose before he's done it?" I said in shock.
"Tom you always exaggerate! No! Not every lady in the club. Just my luncheon group and my bridge group and a few of their very close friends. And of course Pam. I told Pam and she's ecstatic. Maybe now Rusty will quit fucking that whore Carolyn Ames."
I lay there in the darkness remembering when I had proposed to Peggy. Suddenly I heard her angry voice and I knew she was remembering what happened twenty-four years ago.
"You quit fucking that Detweiler bitch after you got a ring on my finger. But the night before you proposed you fucked her with my ring in your pants pocket rubbing her thigh, you bastard."
"My ring wasn't rubbing her thigh," I said, irritated by her frequent re-telling of these events and getting them wrong. I was gonna straighten this out once and for all.
"You said you always fucked her with your pants at half mast and my ring was in your pocket."
"Yeah I know, and usually I fucked her that way but that last night I stripped her down naked and got naked myself so your ring was in the front seat with my pants. You scream at me so much every time you talk about it I never get a chance to explain."
There was a long period of silence. Then my wife screamed at me.
"YOU BASTARD! Do you have any idea about the HAPPY PICTURE you just put into my head?"
