Happy 40th birthday mom.
Oh it's not?
It's what?
It's the 20th anniversary of your 18th birthday?
I see, so what your saying is that next month will it be the 2nd anniversary of my 18th birthday as well?
No mom, I'm not sassing you.
Anyway I would've called earlier but I had to wax and trim Bigfoot so he can be ready for when we start shooting.
I actually feel bad for Bigfoot. He really let himself go and stopped shaving off his body hair and is all hairy all over again. Good thing I'm not allergic to Bigfoot dander.
Yeah, it took awhile as I ran out of wax and had to go and buy more and the store was all sold out and so I had to go to another store and they wouldn't take the first stores coupons despite advertising a price match guarantee so...yeah, it took awhile.
Anyway, the writer/producer/director/actor/agent/marketer and distributor agreed and wants you to be with Bigfoot and me in our next movie.
Bigfoot porn is a niche market but it sure is profitable.
It will be called "Back Country Ranger 3, Rump Humpers attack."
Of course there are lots and lots of anal scenes. After all, that's what I'm best known for, and remember, I did win 'best anal' last year at the annual porn award show.
The movies aren't called back country ranger for nothing.
It's a clue. A metaphor.
Metaphor.
I don't really know what that means; I'm not into big words.
Yes, Back Country Ranger 3, Rump Humpers attack.
The plot? Well basically this time we go to Yellowstone National Park and discover that an evil doctor and his henchmen are trying to blow up the Yellowstone super volcano. They are going to blackmail the world if they don't get what they want.
What do they want?
They want world domination and to subjugate all women into anal servitude.
Because it's called Rump Humpers attack. They want to attack our Rumps...
Look, I don't write this stuff, I'm just an actress, the writer/director/producer/financier does all that.
So anyway, the President gets wind of an impending terrorist attack and sends in me and Bigfoot as a covert operations team to meat the threat.
Get it? Meat? No? Anyway...
At first the terrorists target an instrument company of some sort located in Texas.
They are a terrorist organization called Al-Gebra and they are wielding weapons of math instruction. They are trying to take down Big Math and their stranglehold on higher education.
Anyway, this is where you come in...we will have two scenes, the first one is where Bigfoot and I rescue you from the factory in Texas where they make the Instruments and take you into our protective custody where we then have a three way with Bigfoot and me as you express your gratitude for your rescue and the second one is when you accompany us to Yellowstone as we try and find the evil lair and you and I will be camping and the henchmen find us and surprise us when we are 69ing and scissoring and fondling and frottage and licking pussy and even KISSING and kidnap us and take us back to the evil lair to meet the evil mastermind who will then try to kill us in an overly elaborate and totally and unnecessarily dramatic manner!
NO I DO NOT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH RUN ON SENTENCES!
Anyway in one scene they jump me and I yell, "Get off of me." But the henchmen think I yell "Get off IN me." And then one thing leads to another and I say "Oh no," and the henchman says "Oh yeah!" And then there is a struggle, and his cock is inside my ass, and then I'm like "Hngh!" cause he's stretching me out, and the henchman is like "Mmph," and then I go like "Mmmm" cuz it kinda feels good despite myself and then the henchman goes like "Urgh" as he cums and then "Oof" when Bigfoot knocks him out and rescues me and then we go on and continue the mission.
Because they are the henchmen, they attack and try to hench us...duh...
