Austen Space

Dear Reader,

Throughout much of last year I have been working on a thesis on 18

th

century manners as portrayed in the literature of the time and, whilst examining some letters held by the descendants of Jane Austen's literary agent, I came across the following exchange between Miss Austen and the agent in question. A Mister Thomas Egerton. I have transcribed the letters below. I'm sure you'll find them very interesting and I'm also sure that you'll agree with me that the correspondence ought to provoke a re-examination of the work of a novelist we so often associate with gentility and decorum.

Dear Mister Egerton,

On your advice I have looked again at the first draft of my manuscript "Pride and Prejudice" and I now think that you are indeed correct; there is not, as it stands at present, enough here to capture the reader's passions.

I have, as a consequence, reworked the most recent pages I sent you in the hope that you will find the story much improved.

Yours sincerely, Jane Austen.

A bright sun shone onto the garden of Longbourne. Mister Darcy and Miss Elizabeth Bennett were out strolling together. They had taken a path some way from the house, and, when he was assured that they could not be overseen, Mr Darcy spoke.

"Miss Bennett," he said. "As you are aware, I truly value your opinion on things and would like you to peruse this."

Elizabeth Bennett turned to Mr Darcy in order to contemplate the object in question. She tipped her head indicating that she found the object of some interest.

"It is indeed," she said, "a most curious item, Mister Darcy, but not one with which I am altogether unfamiliar."

The gentleman appeared somewhat disappointed by this riposte.

"My father's gardener," the young woman continued, "with whom you are familiar, has on three separate occasions requested that I manipulate the self-same instrument he has in his possession. It was a request I venture to say to which I felt it desirable to acquiesce. But I shall say, and I do hope my words will allay any fears Mister Darcy, that yours is most splendidly proportioned. Allowed me to examine the item in more detail."

Grown bold both by the compliment and her warm firm grasp upon his instrument. Mister Darcy found it pertinent to say: "Miss Bennett I should feel myself favoured were you to allow me to insert this, should I say, rather urgent weapon of mine, into your most esteemed vagina. May I even venture to suggest, that indeed I suspect you are secretly longing for me to place you upon your back on the sward and give you a rather extensive rogering."

"That Mister Darcy," said Miss Elizabeth Bennett, casting her eyes upwards in superior fashion, "is where you are quite quite wrong."

"Really Miss Bennett? I do apologise."

"Indeed Mister Darcy," she continued, "it is not that I am rejecting your kind offer per se, merely that I am most particularly partial to that position rather vulgarly referred to in some quarters as

doggy fashion

. It occurs to me that such a position ought not to be the sole privilege of canines and ladies of ill-repute."

Emboldened by her words Mr Darcy spoke up.

"Then Miss Bennett, I humbly request your permission to remove your undergarments"

"That permission is granted my dear Mister Darcy"

So saying she took hold of the edges of her skirts and raised them to allow him unrestricted access to her voluminous private accessories.

Mr Darcy promptly found himself with handfuls of lace, desperately contriving to untie ribbons and straps. It was at this juncture that Miss Elizabeth Bennett surprised him somewhat by calling out: "Mister Darcy! Please! Just rip the fucking things off will you and ram your stiff cock into my gagging cunt!"

"Miss Bennett!" said Mister Darcy in shock at the lady's untoward manner.

"I do most sincerely apologise for what you will surely regard as vulgar language," she said, "but you must appreciate that I am feeling a certain degree of urgency beneath these nether garments."

Her concern was to prove temporary, for an updraught of cool March air told her that at last the gentleman had succeeded in his task. Her loins finally exposed, she kneeled on the bank, lifting her trailing skirts onto her back and exposing her ample buttocks to the air. They glowed like freshly unwrapped porcelain. Mister Darcy, a man of artistic sensibilities, noted with some interest the small brownish aperture of Miss Elizabeth's anus but chose to direct his main attention towards the pink hair-fringed slit a little farther forward. Taking his member in his hand he laid its bulging tip against her lower lips and exerted the required amount of pressure. Almost immediately he saw, and felt, his swollen organ slide into the good lady's body. It was whilst at this very vantage point that the gentleman was able to note, beneath her parasol, one of Miss Bennett's sisters some way off taking a constitutional along the path outside their house. Judging it would not be propitious, at this point in the proceedings, to acknowledge her presence, Darcy thus turned his attention back to the pale globes before him, moulding them with his hand in the manner of a master baker kneading two large pieces of dough.

"Mister Darcy!" the young woman below him called.

"Yes, my dear Miss Bennett?"

"I would much appreciate it if your movements were, well should I say, a touch more enthusiastic."

"I do apologise Miss Bennett," he said. "I shall do my utmost to remedy that situation."

And working from his hips, he managed to summon sufficient strength, thrusting and withdrawing at speed. Glancing down Darcy observed now and then the shiny shaft of his penis as it slipped in and out of Miss Bennett's parted flesh.

"I do declare Mister Darcy," said Elizabeth after a short period of time had elapsed, "that I am shortly about to come!"

"Miss Bennett," he volunteered. "I, myself, am of the self-same frame of mind."

It was with some surprise, however, that Mister Darcy felt Miss Bennett's fingers sliding between her own legs and across his hairy globes to attempt insertion into his anus. Unfortunately she was unable to reach so far and contented herself, and her gentleman friend, by toying with the soft balls dangling within the sack of his scrotum.

"Yes!" shouted Miss Elizabeth Bennett suddenly, her cries sending a brace of partridge up from the undergrowth. "Yes fucking yes yes!"

Mister Darcy took this as an indication that she had achieved that pleasureable status known in the

Young Gentleman's Guide to Rogering

(a text book he regularly consulted) as an

orgasm

and thus he permitted himself to release his semen into her.

"Yes!" he cried, and so enthusiastically that he alerted Miss Bennett's sister who thankfully was unable to see her kneeling sibling, obscured as she was by a rhododendron bush.

"Mister Darcy!" she called. "I shall be there directly!"

"Your sister!" he cried out.

"What about her?" Miss Elizabeth Bennett groaned, luxuriating in the afterglow of their strenuous shagging.

"She is at this very moment proceeding towards us and I fear she will be upon us directly."

It seemed however that Elizabeth was somewhat preoccupied by the still resounding echoes of her recent orgasm.

"Oh Mister Darcy!" she groaned. "You have proved yourself much superior to father's gardener in respect of your skills at fucking."

"Really Miss Bennett?" he asked and then: "But Miss Bennett..."

In the desperation of his attempt to extricate himself from her vagina he plunged backward down the grassy slope. And so, as Miss Mary Bennett arrived on the scene, he found himself in a somewhat inelegant position, his gentleman's member pointing skywards like some oddly shaped sundial.

"Mister Darcy!" said Miss Mary Bennett. "What a pleasant surprise!"

She scrutinised his still stiff instrument.

"It is a truth universally acknowledged," she said, winking at the gentleman, "that a single man in possession of a good stiff cock must be in want of a cunt!"

From her position behind the rhododendron bush her elder sister emitted a pertinent cough.

"Mary, my dear sister," she opined, "Mister Darcy has already availed himself of that particular organ to which you refer."

"Elizabeth!" cried Mary Bennett. "Yet again I find you in a state of disarray"

Turning once more to the gentleman at the bottom of the slope Miss Mary was most censorious.

"And you Mister Darcy!" she said. "Really we are most disappointed in you."

"I do apologise Miss Bennett," said the gentleman, raising himself to his feet and bowing respectfully to her.

"Your phallus, Mister Darcy," she stated, alluding with a directional nod of her head to his now speedily shrinking member, "appears to be dribbling spunk. My sister Elizabeth, it also appears, has been the sole beneficiary of your attentions."

"Your sister bears none of the blame, Miss Bennett," Darcy said gallantly. "I am afraid to say that my animal instincts simply got the better of me."

The other Miss Bennett twinkled her rogue eye.

"As you will observe Mister Darcy," she said, raising her skirt to display the hairy triangle atop her thighs, "I am sans bloomers. "This, as you will appreciate, facilitates easy access to any young gentleman interested in the delights of my flesh."

"Mary! Really!" cried Elizabeth, standing to adjust herself, Darcy's semen catching the glint of the evening sun, as it ran down her thighs. "I really must protest at your forwardness!"

"And I really feel you are in no position to lecture your sister on morals Elizabeth. I would merely point out that if Mister Darcy were to orally manipulate my tender young organ I myself would not then be in any position to inform upon your own good self."

"Mister Darcy," said Miss Elizabeth, turning to regard him, "my sister's proposition is indeed sound. I would not wish dear mama to hear of our activities. She would become apoplectic."

"Thank you Elizabeth," said Mary, nodding politely to her elder sister. "Now Mister Darcy I shall spread out my legs thus, trusting my vagina to you in the understanding that you will suck me off."

"It will be my pleasure!" said Darcy.

"But mainly mine I would hope!" said Mary, smiling coquettishly.

It was now Mister Darcy's turn to kneel. Miss Elizabeth observed his head disappear into her sister's thigh, saw her head fall back in ecstasy. Coming up for air Elizabeth noticed Mister Darcy's chin running with her sister's slime and then observed him dipping again like a mallard ducking beneath the surface to graze on succulent weeds. She observed too her sister closing her thighs upon Mister Darcy's head so that he then looked for all the world like a sheep with its head caught in a cleft of rock. The scene and the thought of her sister's pleasured body proved too much for Miss Elizabeth who, whilst so recently pleasured herself, sought once again, to summon the lust lying dormant within her. And so, fingering her still swollen cunt she played with its folds and depths. Thus while her sister gasped under the fervent attentions of Mister Darcy's lips and tongue, Miss Elizabeth gasped pleasurably thanks to the dexterity of her own, now greasy, digits.

At last Mister Darcy, face pasted with Miss Mary's cunt juices, fell back breathing heavily, his own member once again proudly erect. His fist closing around it he quickly wanked himself off, the white viscous fluid oozing in jerks from the heart shaped tip of his proud organ.

After a little while, standing up and tucking himself away he bowed to Miss Elizabeth who was still preoccupied by her efforts at masturbation.

"Elizabeth! I trust I may call on you again tomorrow"

"How dare you Mister Darcy!" she called out, pausing with both her forefinger and middle finger inserted deep into her vagina.

"But Elizabeth!"

"There you go again Mister Darcy! Might I request that you forgo the use of my Christian name until we are more intimately acquainted."

"I do apologise Miss Bennett for my forward behaviour but it was my judgement that we were now indeed on intimate terms."

"That, Mister Darcy is for me to determine. I bid you good-day. You will forgive me if I do not return with you to the house as, as you can see, I am otherwise engaged. I do however thank you for your earlier attentions and it may be that I shall indeed require your services at a later date. But for now Mister Darcy, good day!"

"Good day Miss Bennett," said Darcy, and turning to Mary who was now imitating her sister in her delicate fingerwork. "Miss Bennett."

"Mister Darcy! Perhaps we shall meet again soon and I shall be able to entertain you with my piano skills. I do pride myself on the dexterity of my fingers."

Darcy examined the slippery tunnel between the young lady's legs and nodded. He licked his lips and tasted Miss Mary on them.

"Miss Bennett, I should be most interested in witnessing such an exercise. I anticipate it with pleasure. Good-day to your good selves and please do not fail to convey my respects to your mother."

And so, as the sun began to set on the grounds of Longbourne, Mr Darcy, walking a touch bowlegged on account of his male member feeling rather chafed by its exertions, left the two Bennett sisters fingering themselves in the garden.

Dear Miss Austen,

Thank you for the pages you sent me.

My good wife and myself were most interested in the revisions you have made to your manuscript. We did indeed find them most stirring.

However, I do believe, in the present climate, that much of what you have produced here will not be acceptable in polite society and that it is possibl, nay most likely, that we might experience some difficulty in publishing "Pride and Prejudice" were such an episode to be included.

I would request therefore, that you worked on it some more, taking out all references to "cunts", "fucking" and "swollen pricks". I think, however, that we might get away with the word "balls" so long as you use it sparingly.

I realise this will probably come as a disappointment to you, but I do strongly urge you to look at this section again. It may be that there will come a time when such overt descriptions will be acceptable in print but I repeat this is not yet the time.

Now forgive me but my good wife has just drawn my attention to something which she wants me to see to urgently so I shall close now.

Best wishes, Thomas Egerton.