Anal Sex Is For Buttholes

This is my story about the first time my old boyfriend stuck his willie in my butt. It took a long time to write 'cause it hurts to think about it and it took Darnoel even longer to fix it 'cause he says my writing is a mess. But he said it was a good story anyway and told me I should put it with the funny stories instead of the butt sex stories. So I did. I hope you like it even if you don't laugh at it.

Debbie :heart:

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My Grammy always told me, "Child, if you think sex is a pain in the ass, you're doing it all wrong." Let me tell you, she wasn't just whistling Andy Griffeth and stuff.

The first time it happened it was totally by accident. It was February and I had a bad cold, I don't even know how Jake could have found anything about me the least bit sexy, my nose was red, my eyes were puffy, I was coughing and sneezing and my boobs were sagging 'cause I was so tired. I was wearing an old pair of sweat pants a sweatshirt. I guess that was the right things to wear 'cause I was fevered and sweating like Lizzy LaRue when her test showed blue for boy. I know she sweated a lot; I was there, 'cause she never took one of those tests before. Mine always came up pink for girl but I never even had a baby, so I don't trust those tests much. I mean, how is peeing on a stick going to tell you whether it's a boy or a girl and stuff?

Anyway like I was saying, I didn't look too sexy and I sure didn't feel very sexy. I just wanted to watch TV and go to sleep. But Jake was getting horny 'cause we were watching some movie with barbarian girls that didn't wear much clothes. He kept telling me I looked like one of the girls in the movie but I didn't think so 'cause my hair is shorter and my boobs are bigger. Well, they were then. They used to be really big but they hurt my back so I had a doctor make them smaller and now I sleep better too, except when I have a cold. I told Jake he was full of it 'cause that girl wasn't even sniffling, but he didn't listen. He just kept trying to kiss me, but I didn't want to 'cause I didn't want him to get my cold.

So I kept saying no, but he looked so pitiful begging like that with his willie sticking out and all. So I said I would but only if we did it doggie-like 'cause I didn't want to cough up a hocker on him and stuff. Well, his eyes lit up like lights when I said that. But he didn't say nothing, he just grabbed my arm and dragged me off to the bedroom.

He sort of shoved me onto the bed on my back, with my legs hanging over the edge at the knees and he grabbed the legs of my sweats and yanked them off like Grampy used to do at Thanksgiving. But Grampy did it with the tablecloth and we didn't have any food on the bed, which was a good thing 'cause Grammy always got mad when he did that. Cranberry sauce and gravy are hard to get out of the carpet

Well, when Jake pulled my sweats off he didn't give me a chance to lift my butt or nothing so they dragged the blanky down a little and it bunched up under my butt so I sat up to straighten it out and he yanked my shirt off too. It caught on my earrings when the neckband went past them. I thought he ripped my ears off. I screamed and kicked both feet. I must have kicked him in the crotch 'cause he screamed like a girl and fell down in front of the bed. I was holding my ears and making sure they were still there so I didn't pay any attention to his screaming. But my ears were still there and there wasn't any blood, it just hurt and I lost the back off one of my earrings. It's a good thing I didn't have a bra on or he might have tore something else loose.

Jake was still whimpering on the floor, so I rolled over and turned around so I could see him. He was curled up like an armadillo in front of a big tuck on the highway and holding his crotch, he was trying to say something but I couldn't understand it. He looked up at me and his baby crying stopped pretty quick and he got that look in his eyes again. I don't know how he could want to keep going after all that, especially with the way I looked and all. But I guess it must have been my boobs swaying between my arms that did it. I just don't get why men lose their minds over them, I mean I like looking at girls' boobs too, but I don't drool on the carpet and stuff.

Anyway, he jumped up to grab me again but he must have still been a little woozy from me kicking his willie, 'cause he leaned too far forward and hit his head on mine. It knocked me on my back on the bed. I was holding my head 'cause it hurt on the front now. Lucky he didn't hit my nose 'cause it was dripping bad enough already. He stumbled around like Billy Murphy for a minute, but he did it 'cause he got knocked silly, not 'cause he was snockered like Billy always is. Then he looked at me again and shucked his shorts and his underwear and came back to the bed.

He layed down between my legs and was squeezing and kissing my boobs, he was moaning again but I don't know if it was 'cause he was still hurting or not. He did that thing he likes so much, bouncing my boobs together between his hands like they were a pair of basketballs or something. He always got a giggle out of that but I never thought it was funny. But it kind of felt good back then when they were really big so I didn't mind. He got up, straddling me, and sort of walked on his knees up to my boobs. Then he spit between them and put his willie in it pushed my boobs closed around it. I always thought the spit thing was gross but he liked it and I just wanted to get it over so I could go to sleep, so I didn't say nothing.

He told me to kiss his willie when it poked through my boobs, so I was trying but he was going like a rabbit and it just kept poking me in the nose. I think that was what caused me to sneeze. It was horrible, it just sort of snuck up on me and he had his knees under my arms so I couldn't move them right. I blew snot and spit all over my boobs and his willie and everything else. He was cussin' up a storm, but he grabbed a corner of the blanky and wiped us both off, so that was nice. He said he thought I was right, that doggie-like might be the best thing and he really loves my butt anyway, so I rolled over for him.

He just sat there for a while, "Oooo-ing" and "Aaahhh-ing" and patting my butt. He says he likes watching it jiggle and it makes him really crazy, like when I dance and he starts hollering, they have to tell him to be quiet or leave. Anyway he pulled my legs apart and started kissing my butt and running his hands between my legs. I was actually getting all damp and stuff, even though I still didn't really want to. I kind of raised my butt up so he could get his face closer to my muffin and he dove right in licking at it and sticking his tongue in me. I don't know how I could get so gooey with a cold and stuff, but I was. I even started to moan, but it sounded funny with my nose all stuffy. That made him start licking me faster, but I felt my belly rumble and I knew what was about to happen. I tried to hold it in but when he licked across my little button I twitched and I couldn't hold it. It was just a small one, it sort of squeaked out, but it smelled bad.

He jumped back on his knees and said, "Damn, Baby, that was nasty. What you been eating?"

I said, "I didn't eat anything, I been sick remember? Get me a Kleenex, will you? I have to blow my nose."

He got the box of tissues from the nightstand and tossed them at me, I got one and blew my nose. He went behind me again and started his "Oooo-ing" and "Aahh-ing" again. I thought after the fart he wouldn't want anything to do with me, but he stared at me for along time, then got back on the bed. There was something inside me that said it was a good thing and another part that didn't want to keep going, but I knew he got grouchy when his willie stood up and he had to use his hand. It happens a lot when I have my monthly thing. He says he gets grouchy 'cause I am, but I think he just gets bottled up.

Any way he was saying how good my butt looked again and he was doing that knee-walking thing getting between my legs again. He started rubbing my butt all over again then I felt his willie rubbing in the crack of my butt. I told him he knew better than to put it there and he said he wasn't going to he just liked rubbing it there. I wiped my nose with another Kleenex and he started moaning again, telling me he how much he wanted me. I thought, "Well, I'm here, naked on the bed. What more do you want?"

I might have said it out loud 'cause all of the sudden he pulled my hips up, I pulled my knees under me and spread them wide, knowing what he was about to do and it made me all tingly. I was dripping again, so I got another Kleenex. He rubbed his hand over my muffin, it was dripping again too.

Then he just plowed his willie into me, clear to his belly. I breathed in so fast and hard that I almost sucked the tissue out of my hand. It kind of surprised me, but it felt good when he did that so I didn't say anything. He started slowly, just sliding in and out of my muffin and moaning and groaning like guys always do. I coughed a couple times, that made muscles inside me tighten up and he moaned louder, saying how much he loved it when I did that. So I coughed a couple more times but my throat was sore and it hurt, so I just let him have is own fun.

He started doing his hip thing, where he moves his hips in a circle, that made is willie go in and out and sideways back and forth all at the same time. It kind of felt good but I like it when he just goes real fast. I don't care for the fancy stuff, but he thinks it makes it better for me, so I don't say nothing. He just kept going, his belly slapping against my butt, my head started to feel funny so I blew my nose again.

Jake was pounding me pretty hard and I was getting close to having an orgasm, I couldn't believe it considering how sick I was. Jake must have sensed it, 'cause he did his special thing. He pulled completely out of me and lined up for his "Big Bang" he calls it. I cried out, "Yes!" But with my stuffy head and my face in the blanky, I think it sounded more like "Wheff!" He put his hands on my hips and got ready to slam back into me.

And that's when it happened. Just as I felt him pull my hips toward him, I sneezed again. It made my hips arc down a little and I shot backwards just as he slammed forwards and he missed my muffin. He plunged hip deep into my butthole. It felt like someone just rammed big dildo right up my butt.

I screamed really loud 'cause it hurt really bad and it surprised me. I guess my butthole panicked on it's own 'cause it really tightened up on him like it was trying to pinch off one of those hard turds you get after eating a lot of cheese. It must have hurt him too 'cause he started screaming like a little girl again and tried to pull it out, but my butt was squeezed so tight on him he couldn't get it past the knob on his willie.

I was really hurting and I was trying to pull away from him and he was trying to pull away from me too, but that just seemed to make it hurt more and my butt just kept squeezing tighter.

My arms were flopping around and I couldn't get them under me to get up. My legs were kicking too and I was screaming, "Get it out! Get it OUT!!!"

He was jerking this way and that, trying to pull it out and hollering in this scary high voice, "Let go! Let GO!!!" He was bouncing up and down, which just pulled my butt up and down with him and I was panicking even worse 'cause I thought we were gonna be stuck like this. Well, that just made my butt close up harder.

I was getting flopped up and down, face down on the bed and screaming at the top of my lungs for him to get it out and he was still hollering for me to let it go and jumping around like crazy. Then the people in the apartment next door started banging on the wall and yelling they were going to call the cops.

Jake's knees slipped and he fell on top of me, plunging his willie all the way back inside me. I didn't think I could scream any louder especially with my sore throat, but I did. But Jake screamed even louder and higher. He sounded like a kitten when you drop a refrigerator on its tail. I was so scared.

He got back up and got his feet on the floor, pulling me with him. I was just dangling from his front like something stuck on his willie and flopping all over as he jumped around screaming like a tea kettle on a hot stove. I was still waving my arms and kicking my legs, which made his screaming change sounds.

I heard someone pounding on the front door and I was scared someone was going to see us stuck like this. I started to cry, partly from the horrible pain and partly from being scared. Jake was jumping faster and pushing my butt harder and he was crying too.

Then I sneezed again. I heard a loud pop like a champagne bottle from the club when the cork pops out, then I fell face first on the floor and I couldn't feel Jake in my butt anymore.

I curled up in a little ball right there on the floor, my butthole still hurt but I was afraid to touch it, 'cause I thought he might have pulled my insides out. I could see him on the floor at the foot of the bed, he was sprawled out on his back with tears pouring out of his eyes. He was holding his crotch like someone kicked him and there were brown specks all over his front.

I heard the pounding on the door again and someone yelling, "Open up! Police."

I was scared to get up and I didn't think Jake could move if he had to, but I got my self up and got my robe. My butt hurt when I walked but it didn't feel like anything was hanging out of it. I walked carefully to the door, with my legs apart 'cause it didn't hurt so bad that way.

I opened the door and a police officer came bursting in with his gun out. He ran right into me and knocked me down on my back. Well, my robe flew open and there I was practically naked, spread eagle on the floor, with one officer staring at me in shock while the other one jumped past him with his gun out too. He went all through the place searching like he was looking for something and then came out of the bedroom pushing Jake in front of him.

"Hey, Steve, get a load of this." He said. But his partner was just staring down at me like he never saw a naked woman with big tits before. I pulled my robe back around me and tried to get up, but I was hurting really bad now. The first officer shook his head and like a wet dog and then reached down and helped me up.

The other officer said, "Just what the hell is going on here? We got a call like someone was being murdered over here. You better start explaining this lady."

Jake just sort of crumpled on the floor, still holding his willie and I was too embarrassed to talk about it.

The second officer let go of Jake's arm and came toward me. He grabbed my arm and pulled me over to the sofa and pushed me down on it. Well that made my butt hurt again and my hips jumped up and my robe fell open again.

The first officer said, "Hey, Dan that's not necessary. Can't you see she's hurt?"

"Aw shut up, Steve, they're just a couple pervs is all." Dan said.

Steve pulled Dan away from me and said, "Well, go have a smoke and talk to the neighbors. I'll take care of this."

Dan walked out side and Steve sat down beside me. I pulled my robe over me again 'cause he was staring at my boobs and Jake just laid on the floor whimpering like a bad puppy.

It took a while to explain it all and Dan came back in the middle of it. They were laughing so hard and I was so embarrassed, but Steve was being nice and apologized 'cause they were laughing. Then he took Dan and left.

Poor Jake was still laying on the floor and holding his crotch. I felt really sorry for him, so I got down next to him and pried his hands away from his crotch. His willie looked like someone stepped on it. It was all red and blue and purple with brown specks and twisted and looked disgusting. I helped him up and got him to bed and got a washcloth to clean the poop off him. Then I remembered what my boss said about when he had his vasectomy.

I went to the kitchen and got a bag of frozen corn out of the freezer and put it on Jakes willie. He sat up real quick, then he kind of sighed and fell back. I guess it must have made it feel better, 'cause he was asleep before his head hit the pillow. I took some cold medicine and climbed in beside him.

I walked funny for three days after that and my boss was mad. He said I couldn't work like that and sent me home. Jake yelped like a kicked dog anytime he even had to zip his pants. He was better in about a week though. But he never even hinted about putting his willie in my butt again.

Anyway, just remember what Grammy always said: Do sex the right way or your butt will hurt. Trust me. I know.