Speaking of food, I noticed as soon as I started dating that girls weren't ever hungry. Whenever I took one to a restaurant, she would kind of pick at her food, not eating very much of it. I found out much later, after I was married, that women have an appetite that is equal to, if not greater than a man's. Many are the times I have watched my wife gobble up quantities of food that would cause a logger to blush. Thinking back over these experiences, I have concluded that the shy, demure, picky eater was all a ruse to make us think they'd be low maintenance. Hah!
As long as we are discussing things alimentary, let's consider farts. Men and boys, one and all are proud of their farting expertise. The louder it is and the more it smells, the better the fart. Young women, on the other hand, would rather eat a pot of dried spiders than fart in the presence of anyone, especially their boyfriends. Almost all of them carry some kind of anti-gas concoction to ease them through the evening. All that changes about the fifth year of marriage. Suddenly one day, she'll moon you just before her shower while she is nude. At the maximum moon angle, she'll produce a loud, noxious cloud of gas that would kill most terrestrial creatures and then she'll laugh about it. Many men are shocked. I know I was. When we were dating, I knew she farted but it never smelled or made a sound. How did I know she had done it? A light wind would hit me between the eyes, that's how!
Most men believe that women are shy, demure, sexually naïve creatures because they are physically weaker than men. My experience has been that they know much more about sex than we do, can be totally aggressive and are not afraid to instruct us as we blunder our way through the sexual relationship. Don't ever get the idea that you tracked your mate down, cornered her and then seduced her. If she hadn't been stalking you for a long period of time you never, I say again, never would have gotten into her pants. She set you up and at the appropriate moment, plucked you like a ripe apple. Women are very crafty animals and although it may appear to us poor, dumb males that they do things in a totally illogical manner, there is method to their madness. The purpose of the subterfuge? They need some big, strong oaf to work for them and give them babies when they are ready for them.
The only error women make consistently is they seem to think that men are as complex as they are. Nothing could be further from the truth! Men are simple animals with simple tastes. Clothing provides a good example of this basic difference in character. Men are generally happy with a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and maybe a jacket if they live in the north. Women possess a bewildering array of gizmos and gadgets that go underneath their outer garments. The variety of outer garments is endless. If you don't believe that is true, the next time you are in a department store, take the time to examine the space provided for women's clothing compared to that provided for the guys. I'm not complaining about it. There are far too many clothing items in the men's section anyway in my opinion.
Ah, yes, let's talk about stores in general and the way that women shop. If a man identifies something he has to buy, he'll go to the store, buy it and go home to his pool table and his beer. The cost will be whatever price the item he was going for. He doesn't haggle, wait for sales or use coupons. See, simple and efficient. A woman going to the store for a twenty dollar item will spend five or six hours in several stores and come home with three hundred dollars worth of goods, none of which will be what she went for. Oh yeah, all those lost souls you see sitting on the mall benches are men who were not tricky enough to get out of going to the mall with their woman. Mall shopping with a woman is the most degrading sport man can engage in. There is never a good outcome.
