The 29th Amendment reads:
"The generation, sale, direct transfer (from persons identifying as male to persons identifying as female) of human semen within the United States is hereby prohibited."
*
November 2032. Destinee Danube faces one felony count of swallowing prostatic fluid.
**
Supreme Court: City of New York
Judge Laurel Canyon projects what judges usually do: boredom and business-as-usual detachment.
Throughout this morning's proceedings, each involving violations of the same statute, she barely looked up; instead, her attention stayed fixed on her virtual computer screen.
What she reads is a matter of some speculation in a courtroom filled to the brim with expectant onlookers. The accused wonders too, but skeptically supposes Her Honor, like all women, likely scrutinizes lesbian porn, the sole erotic medium permissible since Congress passed the 'Pink Laws.'
"Bet she's watching that new Q-rated' Bat Girl' series," Destinee Danube hissed, leaning closer to her attorney. Popping a Hershey's Kiss into her mouth, she carelessly balled up its foil wrapper and flicked it onto the floor, then watched it roll to a stop at the base of the prim court reporter's desk.
"Have you seen it?" the defendant asked. "Bat Girl is so gross. She rims The Flash; I mean, she tongues him big-time--sticks it right in. All of the flick's players are bio-women, but the one who plays 'The Flash' identifies as male--which is hot. Ever seen it, Krislyn? It's on FlixNix."
Indifferent to Destinee's off-the-wall notions, defense attorney Krislyn Shen shook her head. The stunning Asian, expecting a media onslaught over her client's outrageous behavior, had dressed in black. Wearing a three-piece, notch lapel lady suit, she sensed her client was mistaken and guessed the judge's agenda was altogether different.
She was right. The preoccupied jurist was busy studying this morning's appellate court decision, which she knows will figure into the case before her. The higher court ruling is clear; defendant Danube is guilty.
"What's with her?" Destinee, glaring at the judge, whispered. "Every time I get dragged in here, she's being a bitch. I'm not going to jail again; I'll scream discrimination against White people--I mean, fuck this court stuff--it's so fucking stupid. Why am I even charged? It's a fucking sperm offense, for God's sake; I swallowed, so what? I only got caught one fucking time--once! I identify as a girl; I need semen--it's in the Constitution--or something, isn't it? What about women's liberation? What is this shit? The law sucks; it's complete bullshit. Nobody's going to tell me what to put in my mouth!"
Attorney Shen, harried and overbooked, grimaced. "Don't nit-pick, Destinee," she scolded. "She's not called the hangin' judge for nothing. I'm going to move for 'no jail' time. How about we plead down to six months of rehab?"
"No way!" Destinee insisted. "I hate rehab; I'm not doing it. I won't! They pump us full of that drug; what's it called?"
"Cum-Uppance #9," Krislyn clarified.
"Whatever," Destinee accepted. "Drugs are bad. I won't take them, I won't."
"And it's not a drug, Destinee; it's a dietary supplement brewed from human sperm--by law, males are legally mandated to donate ten cubic centimeters per week; it gets fermented and is administered to ease women's cravings." Though Destinee rolled her eyes, Krislyn stood firm and reinforced the warning. "It's for out-of-control women--like you," the attorney continued. "The CDC approves it for hopeless cases--like yours."