The 29th Amendment reads:
"The generation, sale, direct transfer (from persons identifying as male to persons identifying as female) of human semen within the United States is hereby prohibited."
*
November 2032. Destinee Danube faces one felony count of swallowing prostatic fluid.
**
Supreme Court: City of New York
Judge Laurel Canyon projects what judges usually do: boredom and business-as-usual detachment.
Throughout this morning's proceedings, each involving violations of the same statute, she barely looked up; instead, her attention stayed fixed on her virtual computer screen.
What she reads is a matter of some speculation in a courtroom filled to the brim with expectant onlookers. The accused wonders too, but skeptically supposes Her Honor, like all women, likely scrutinizes lesbian porn, the sole erotic medium permissible since Congress passed the 'Pink Laws.'
"Bet she's watching that new Q-rated' Bat Girl' series," Destinee Danube hissed, leaning closer to her attorney. Popping a Hershey's Kiss into her mouth, she carelessly balled up its foil wrapper and flicked it onto the floor, then watched it roll to a stop at the base of the prim court reporter's desk.
"Have you seen it?" the defendant asked. "Bat Girl is so gross. She rims The Flash; I mean, she tongues him big-time--sticks it right in. All of the flick's players are bio-women, but the one who plays 'The Flash' identifies as male--which is hot. Ever seen it, Krislyn? It's on FlixNix."
Indifferent to Destinee's off-the-wall notions, defense attorney Krislyn Shen shook her head. The stunning Asian, expecting a media onslaught over her client's outrageous behavior, had dressed in black. Wearing a three-piece, notch lapel lady suit, she sensed her client was mistaken and guessed the judge's agenda was altogether different.
She was right. The preoccupied jurist was busy studying this morning's appellate court decision, which she knows will figure into the case before her. The higher court ruling is clear; defendant Danube is guilty.
"What's with her?" Destinee, glaring at the judge, whispered. "Every time I get dragged in here, she's being a bitch. I'm not going to jail again; I'll scream discrimination against White people--I mean, fuck this court stuff--it's so fucking stupid. Why am I even charged? It's a fucking sperm offense, for God's sake; I swallowed, so what? I only got caught one fucking time--once! I identify as a girl; I need semen--it's in the Constitution--or something, isn't it? What about women's liberation? What is this shit? The law sucks; it's complete bullshit. Nobody's going to tell me what to put in my mouth!"
Attorney Shen, harried and overbooked, grimaced. "Don't nit-pick, Destinee," she scolded. "She's not called the hangin' judge for nothing. I'm going to move for 'no jail' time. How about we plead down to six months of rehab?"
"No way!" Destinee insisted. "I hate rehab; I'm not doing it. I won't! They pump us full of that drug; what's it called?"
"Cum-Uppance #9," Krislyn clarified.
"Whatever," Destinee accepted. "Drugs are bad. I won't take them, I won't."
"And it's not a drug, Destinee; it's a dietary supplement brewed from human sperm--by law, males are legally mandated to donate ten cubic centimeters per week; it gets fermented and is administered to ease women's cravings." Though Destinee rolled her eyes, Krislyn stood firm and reinforced the warning. "It's for out-of-control women--like you," the attorney continued. "The CDC approves it for hopeless cases--like yours."
"Well, I hate Cum-Uppance #9, or whatever it's called!" Destinee shrilled. "First, it doesn't even taste like cum! Second, it puts me to fucking sleep! We all dream about the real thing, Krislyn, about sperm, cum, man juice; about extracting it as we please, you know, fresh, minus thuggish police banging the door down; other girls want what I want; they just won't admit it--sluts."
After a busy morning, Judge Canyon, her golf game scheduled to start at one o'clock, needed to move her docket along. Looking down from the bench, she eyed Destinee's tiny ball of foil and, overhearing fragments of the unruly girl's tirade, flashed one of her signature glares at the apprehensive attorney.
"Shush, Destinee," Krislyn warned, "or it's the slammer for both of us."
Reluctantly, the frustrated arrestee slouched back into her chair, for the moment, reverting to what passed for good manners. Her glower, however, spoke to harsher feelings since she knew she was in trouble--again.
"Attorney Shen," Judge Canyon said. "Does your client wish to petition the court?"
"Your Honor, Ms. Danube is the victim of circumstance; law enforcement entrapped her--they planted a hidden camera in that alleyway where the alleged incident occurred and..."
Dismissing the attorney's fine points, the judge glanced toward several news reporters sitting at the gallery's rear. Impatiently, each riveted her attention to the plight of the habitual sex offender.
"That's neither here nor there, Ms. Shen," the judge, conscious of looming headlines, countered. "My hands are tied; it's time your client faced the music. The defendant will rise."
The lawyer and the silently defiant detainee stood straight as Judge Canyon continued. "Ms. Danube, on July 10, you were arrested and charged with violating section 66-6 of the Sunset Clause of U.S. Code 77 of the Volstead Repetition Act, which bars male to female transmission of, or possession and consumption of the forbidden intoxicant, human semen.