A Ucking Conversation

This is a "Honey, we have to talk" story. The wife wants to take a lover. Usually, the husband objects, and the wife's reply brands her as an idiot. What if she has logical answers?Nobody with whom sex is contemplated, in this story, is under nineteen.

I was a virgin on my wedding night. That's putting it mildly. The first time I was touched below the belt was 2 nights before the wedding. I was always a good girl in the extreme. I am a statistics major with a minor in business administration. I work at preparing polls for people who have products to sell. My husband is a specialist in cybersecurity. We both make a good living and own a house in a good neighborhood.

We are function before form people. To give an example, we have three kids. When we drive, the oldest sits in the passenger seat next to my husband. I sit between the two youngsters. When I relieve my husband, he sits between the two youngest. I don't feel that sitting next to the driver is in any way an honor. Our kids seldom fight on long vacation drives. Not that they don't try, but the seating arrangement doesn't allow them to make contact. Another example is toilet paper. I loved soft Charmin like paper. My drain man said, "Keep using that paper, and your pipes will be forever stuffed." That's as stark a choice as you get. Save your pipes or save your ass. I saved my pipes.

My wedding night was wonderful. My husband always asked what felt good, and I answered directly. He then doubled his efforts. It even got better as we learned each other's preferences. We seldom fight. I have been angry only twice in my marriage, and neither time did it last more than four hours. I have never seen my husband angry. My children are now grown, and I need to have a conversation with my husband. How do you have a "Honey, we have to talk" conversation without saying those words. My try was:

"I want to do something and I need your help in planning it."

"That's surprising. Your a very efficient planner. But I will give it a try."

"I want to have sex with other men."

"When did our sex life become a problem?"

"There is no problem, that is the problem. I only know about sex from you. If it wasn't so spectacular, I certainly wouldn't risk bringing up having a greater variety. So my dear husband, the blame is on you."

"No, no a thousand times no."

"That is not you. You never tell me "No" without giving me a reason. Let's hear all your reasons."

"Okay, as you expect I have a list.

1. What if you find someone better than me at sex. If you have twenty men and I come in third 85th percentile. I will be doing pretty well. But I don't want to spend the rest of my life having sex with you, and having you think that two men could do it better. I realize that means that we have to keep you ignorant. I can live with that.

2. Suppose you fall in love with your partner. You can't separate sex and love that easily. I want to spend our platinum years with you.

3. Suppose your partner falls in love with you. We could have a stalker to deal with."

"Platinum years?"

"I thought we could do better than golden. At least until a few minutes ago."

"Suppose I can solve your caveats. Would you agree?"

"Both of us value logic highly. I guess I would have to."

"I will only do gang bangs. Let's take your objections in order:

1. You will not have to complete with a single lover, and you can't expect to be compared with a group. My ignorance of competing individuals will remain intact.

2. I will not fall in love with one of a group. I suspect in most cases they will be happier if I don't know their names.

3. Most importantly, nobody falls in love with the slut they are gang banging."

"How are you going to make this happen?"

"Attracting men will be no problem. I know I am no beauty, but with a little care I can get into the 70th percentile. You know men will settle for the 15th percentile when the bars are closing."

"I have seen you well above the 70th percentile."

"If I get desperate, this city has lots of colleges. That is a great supply of horny, and that's only the professors. For my last act, however, it will be St. Francis Seminary. I will try what they say is impossible. They say it is impossible for contradictory reasons. They are either too gay or too religious. I love a challenge."