Hey! Now that I have your attention I should mention there are no anorexics or bulimics in this story. Don't leave! What I have for you is a true story. All characters in this story promised they were over the age of 18 at the time of this printing. All ideas are solely that of this author and not of anyone else so I'd be honored if you plagiarized me.
"Are you ready son?" The man sat in the driver's seat of the rented U-haul truck. He was staring at his son who was trying not to look at him.
The nineteen year old kid in the passenger seat was examining the leaves on the tree outside the window like he could find the answers to life in them. "I guess dad. I'm excited, but I dunno. I've never been away from you and mom before."
"Stephen look at me." The man said sternly causing Stephen to jerk his head in his direction. "You'll be fine. It's only on the other side of town. This is college. This is where you learn how much alcohol you can handle. This is where you learn to perform a Boston Creampie on an unsuspecting Jewish girl."
It took a few seconds for Stephen to comprehend what he just heard, and in those few seconds a silent awkwardness permeated the enclosed truck cabin. "Wait what?" Stephen shouted to break the silence. "You told me my entire life never to drink alcohol, and never to perform a Boston Creampie on Jewish girls. You told me only Catholics get a Boston Creampie."
The man shrugged. "Yeah, but this is college. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Before I go on, you can't tell your mom we had this conversation." The man waited for his son's approval. Stephen nodded in agreement. "Good. Now this will be the best four to six years depending on how little you apply yourself of your life. You must live these years without regret. If there is something you want to do, do it. You will never have these kinds of opportunities again. If that means cheating on your girlfriend for that hot cheerleader, do it."
Stephen's eyes bulged. "Did you just say I could cheat on my nonexistent girlfriend?"
"No. That would be wrong. I'm just saying don't live the rest of your life wondering what if I had fucked that hot chick down the hall? What if?"
Stephen had never heard his dad use this kind of language before. "You dropped an F bomb!"
"You're not six anymore Stephen. On the flipside of living without regret, regret also comes in the shape of Syphilis for the rest of your life as well. If you do get it, don't spread it. See a doctor. They have wonderful medicine these days."
"Dad you're weirding me out." Stephen started to look out the window again.
The man put the truck in drive and started to pull out. "Dad what are you doing? We still have to unpack. We just got here."
The man stopped the truck. "Oh yeah, I forgot. Oh wow. I probably should have saved that talk for the end huh?"
"Yeah. Probably." Stephen opened the door and walked to the back to open the sliding back door.
They unpacked in silence, and when they were done his dorm room looked nearly like his room back at home. His parents sprang the extra money for the single dorm, and he was glad for the privacy. Stephen's dad hung around with his hands in his pockets looking confused.
"Thanks dad, you want me to walk you out to your car?" Stephen opened his door to the hallway.
"Yeah thanks." His dad quickly exited the room and started walking in silence again down the bland white brick hallway.
Once they were outside Stephen's dad opened the U-Haul door and tried to think of something to say. "I'm not very good at good-byes son."
"Dad like you said it's just across town. I'm going to be coming over for dinner next weekend."
"I know, but still. Listen Stephen, I want you to know you can call me James now that you're not a kid anymore." James still had his hands in his pocket and looked like an eight year old asking a girl to check yes or no in the box asking if she liked him or not.
"You will always be my dad, Dad." Stephen tightly hugged his dad around the waist. "I love you!" He loudly whispered into his dad's chest.
James held his arms out awkwardly for a few seconds before stiffly folding his arms around his son as if he had a toxic chemical in his shirt. "I lo... I lo.. I really think you're swell son." God why'd I raise such a fucking faggot? He thought to himself.
Stephen skipped back to his dorm singing the latest Katy Perry song in his head. When he entered his hallway which was not very long as there were only about fifteen rooms, he saw a blonde head appearing out of the room next to his. The blonde hair turned into a beautiful round face with crystal blue eyes. Then a gorgeous slender neck with the tendons around her trachea bulging out so sexily from her collarbone to her chin appeared. Stephen almost pitched a tent in his pants with his penis being the pole to hold the tent up. He was unabashedly a neck man. He would often cut out the necks of Redbook magazine models, and post them in a notebook that he kept under his bed. He was also more normally, a big tit man, and this beautiful young girl stepping out of her dorm room definitely fit the large breast category. They were easily 32B cups, which were the biggest size he had ever seen. His view of bra sizes was a little skewed because the only bra size he had ever seen was his mom's bra while putting up her laundry one day when he was twelve. He had heard rumors in magazines of C cups and even D cups but he just counted them as fantasies. Stephen suddenly shook himself to make sure he was actually awake because now there was a beautiful five foot four inch and probably 120lb college coed was smiling at him and waving. Stephen eagerly waved back like he was the retarded kid everyone pretended was sweet waving at the local news anchor hosting the meet a celebrity day at the town grocery store. He felt something smack into his back hard enough to nearly push him off his feet.
"Oh sorry! I wasn't paying attention. Are you ok?" A broad shouldered white male with dazzling white teeth smiled at Stephen and helped keep him from falling over. His hands were large and felt rough when they grabbed Stephen's small biceps.
"Yeah. Thanks." Stephen said shaking his head to clear the cobwebs. Then the dashing gentleman was walking towards the sexy coed Stephen had been ogling over. She was laughing when she hugged him hello, and then she smacked him on his chest when the embrace was over. Stephen over heard her calling the guy a jerk for knocking the freshman over, and he shrugged, said he felt bad, but he just never saw the guy. Stephen wanted to be angry at the guy for embarrassing him, but he was so nice about it, and by golly he had a great looking neck. Oh my God, Stephen thought at nearly the same time. She wasn't waving at me. I'm such a fool. He felt his face go flush, and he stormed into his room embarrassed beyond belief. As he lay on his bed trying to calm himself down and figure out a way to avoid the girl and her boyfriend next door for the next year he thought he heard some commotion going on through the paper thin walls. There was a bang against the wall, and some mumbling. Were they fighting? Then there was a very distinct female moan muffled through the drywall. It was the same moan he heard his mom make when he listened through his parent's room. Suddenly there was a noise he'd never heard his mom make in the heat of passion and it sounded like a dying hyena. The volume increased and so did the frequency of the jungle animal cries. A water buffalo grunt pierced Stephen's ears. Something that sounded like pig squeals accompanied by what sounded like several bowling balls being dropped. What are they doing in there? Fucking, his conscience teased. No shit, but it doesn't sound like sex. It sounds like two raccoons gang raping an obese armadillo. Stephen pulled the pillow around his head and tried to take a nap.
James returned the U-haul truck and was driving home in a much smaller Toyota Camry. His thoughts kept coming back to his own college days, and it was this he was daydreaming about when he pulled into the driveway. The cute little blonde neighbor was washing her car again. It was a purple VW beetle, not that he ever even knew the car was there. All he saw as he sat with head turned awkwardly to the right with a little drool running down his chin was the yellow bikini struggling to hold in the beautiful tight well formed melon sized tits. If he strained hard he thought he could see the swell of her cameltoe when she bent over to rinse out the sponge. Why didn't his son tap that ass and video tape it? He would jerk off to that tape even if it did involve seeing his son's cock. He would be able to work through that little problem if it meant watching that gorgeous piece of work bounce up and down on a meat pole. I bet she gives great head, he thought lustfully.
"Hey how'd it go?" Came a shout and a knock on the car window. James jumped so high he almost hit his head on the ceiling of the late model Camry. There was a thumping in his chest that rattled his ribs. He could feel his pulse thumping in his neck. Oh dear God that scared me, he thought as he rolled the window down.
"Hey!" He replied sweetly to his wife who leaned in to give him a kiss. For being forty-eight years old she kept herself together very well. She had freckles running along her slightly tanned skin harkening back to her Greek heritage. Her hair was a deep Auburn brown which matched her swirling brown eyes. She never wore mascara which made her thick black eyelashes even more impressive and her deep pink lips stand out more seductively than the fake bright red of lipstick. All of his golfing buddies told him he had a looker on his hands, but all he saw was his plain Jane wife.
"So how did dropping off Stephen go?" Jane repeated her question excitedly.