Dear ladies,
I'm curious to see if someone else feel the way I do.
This is not a story, just sharing some thoughts I'm having tonight, about my experiences with sex, and my own personal physical sensations.
Can other ladies relate to that?
Of course, men can read as well ;)
In the beginning of my sexual experiences, I used to not like intercourse much. It was often downright painful, probably due to some medical condition I was going through, and of not knowing my body very well.
If I touched myself, I would just rub my clit, or grind against pillows or towels. That was the only pleasure I knew; which feels fine, I mean, I just not consider it the greatest pleasure anymore.
When I was with my partner, also, I focused on my clit. Intercourse ranged from being annoying, to painful, to just nothing. That- I don't know if I even realized it, back then- but always made me feel disconnected from my partner.
Because, of course, I was not feeling any pleasure from the act itself.
I enjoyed it when my partner used his fingers on me, inside of me; those were the only times when I actually felt pleasure.
Talking to some friends, I found out that I was not the only one to feel that way. I also did my research online, and found confirmation of my beliefs- so, that it was normal to enjoy clit rubbing and fingering, over PIV sex.
I guess for years, that was my truth.
I really loved my partner at the time- or at least, I thought I did.
Intimacy was pleasurable and fulfilling for many different reasons, but not for the actual orgasm itself.
I liked the intimacy, the cuddles, the kisses, the occasional fingering, the feeling of being close to the person I loved. The feeling of giving pleasure to the person I loved.
I didn't think there was much more than that.
Orgasms were briefs and "sharp" occurrences, where the pleasure was concentrated in my clit, and disappeared soon after I was done. It was fine, again, like, I don't know.... Like scratching somewhere that itches terribly, and feeling relief from it.
A few years later, I came to terms with what I really liked (and still do).
I like bdsm-flavoured things, power play, and pain.
Just the hint of some power play, of having my hair pulled, of someone digging their nails into my hips, to keep me in place...
God, I feel myself shiver only by thinking about it.
I have always had a strange relationship with pain; I was very depressed, in my teens. I used to hurt and cut myself.
I've always kind of secretly found something sexy in pain, but, I don't know. I was such a sweet, "good girl" on the outside, that I felt it wasn't even in my right to voice my feelings.
It was something I didn't share with others, just a relic of my troubled youth.
But then, I was a proper young lady; I wore flower blouses, and pink midi skirts; I was a perfect student, a sweet, loving girlfriend and then wife; the daughter every parent might want.
If I wore as much as some lace underwear, I felt almost guilty.
It was not for me.
If I asked for a different position- I never liked missionary much- I felt ashamed.
I had thought about pulling my legs up, sometimes, onto my husband's shoulders; but he didn't suggest it, and I was too shy to ask.
Let alone ask for something less "vanilla" than that.
Sex had become more of a way to pleasure my partner, or to feel "secure". Rather than something I did because I enjoyed it.
Was that situation fulfilling for him, anyway? Considering what happened later, probably not;
One day, out of the blue, he informed me he was going to end our marriage and leave.
I never saw him again.
Of course, it was not a happy time for me.
But thinking back about it, it was probably for the best, for both of us; I couldn't really be the person he wanted me to be, nor the other way round.
After that, I started having relationships where I was more vocal about my preferences. I needed to find ME, and to start the process of living again without my husband.
In the beginning, I used to think I was crazy, and people would run the hell away from me.
But as I found out, that wasn't the case; most men actually found it a huge turn on. I felt like there was a contrast between my "good girl" appearance, and then, asking for rough sex, or asking to be bent over and spanked, hard;
or to have that nice pen you're writing with, shoved up my butt, before you push me down on the table and fuck me...
So then, yes, I entered a new era.
An era of "sexual awakening", where I discovered the beauty of being mentally turned on by a situation; to the point where I could orgasm without barely the need to touch myself.
This newfound state of arousal brought me to enjoy penetrative sex more. I was so turned on, that everything felt wonderful, even having a penis inside of me.
It was maybe more the thought of it, than the actual physical sensation. I liked the feeling of being stretched, of being "used". I started to feel more sensitive inside.
I found out a few things I was probably doing wrong, in my early and mid 20s, that led me to not enjoy sex at all. Was I the only one, so naïve??
1) First, as I said, the lack of a real mental turn on. That was 90% of it.
2) Second, not enough lubrication. We used saliva a lot- I was too shy to go and buy a real lube. Then, eventually, I did: and everything started feeling much, much better.
3) Focusing only on the first part of my vagina, and my clit. Because penetration felt slightly painful, I'd favour positions where the penetration wasn't too deep, thinking it would reduce the pain.
Then I realized, it actually felt slightly painful right at the entrance, but then got better deep inside of me.
Does anyone else feel the same??
I used to read that the most sensitive spots for women were clit, and G spot, and that wasn't located too deep inside. Also, some friends of mine confirmed that they preferred clit/G spot stimulation (also with fingers).
Instead, I started to experience a deep, different kind of pleasure, when the penetration was really deep.
It felt like a spot deep inside of me, that I had never reached before; that gave off a completely different feeling than my clit did.
