Chapter 3 – Selecting the 3rd
Introduction:
Having a threesome is a journey that has many exits. On this leg of the journey, it is analogous to when the pioneers settled America and travelled through the mountains during winter. During this part of the threesome journey the couple wrestles with making it to the summit, deciding on whom to invite and then beginning to make the decent to where you are planning to settle, the search for the third. Choosing the third person for a threesome can be the difference between a successful threesome and a threesome that ends in disaster. For a couple it can be like the first day of school or driving alone for the first time. It is a time when nervous anticipation fills the room but the excitement is constrained by the realities of the ongoing discussions. Reality is there is no checklist or magical formula for choosing the third person this means that it is up to the couple to decide. This section will look at choosing a third for a threesome that does not involve a polyamorous threesome, does not involve a cuckold threesome, and it will not look at choosing the third for an open relationship. Instead, this section will approach the topic from a generic perspective, which means this author will not differentiate between choosing a female and male for a threesome. In addition, generic means that the information contained here may or may not be helpful to a given situation. It is best to read it and then decide on it application. Finally, many ancillary issues go along with selecting the third person such as safety and discretion, which will be addressed in later articles.
Starting point:
Probably the easiest way is to approach this topic by discussing the ways a couple should not select the third person. By the time we reach adulthood, we all know that we do not run with scissors, not to put electrical appliances in the bathtub, and not hold a metal rod in an open field during a thunderstorm. Planning a threesome involves a similar learning process and like anything else we learn the fundamentals need to exist. Fundamentals for having a threesome includes many things such as respect, communication, desire to have a threesome, knowledge about your partner, and a division of labor. Granted each of us have our preferences and work styles. Nonetheless planning a threesome requires that it is a team effort, communication is transparent, and there are no secrets about what the other is doing in order to have a threesome. This means there is more than one way to do this but it requires each person understanding what the other is doing. Therefore, approaching selecting the third by "surprising" your partner, pressuring your partner into having one, or manipulating them may achieve your goal in the short-term. However the long-term effect may be devastating to the relationship.
Friend, Co-workers, and Prostitutes / Escorts
Probably one of the areas were couples struggle with is who too chose to invite to their threesome. A perceived safe choice is a friend or someone from work. There are potentially many reasons for considering them. One reason might be an unspoken attraction exists and by having a threesome it would allow the exploration of the attraction. Such a reason might make for a good erotic novel but in practical terms such a choice can bring risks. Another reason could be there is a relationship and familiarity that already exists. For a couple it means they get to avoid allot of the work that goes with finding a third because they can select someone they know.
There are definitely more reasons as to why a couple might select a friend or co-worker but they do bring risks. For a friend probably the biggest risk is the loss of the friendship or straining the friendship because of the threesome. It is important to consider before asking a friend is the loss of the friendship worth having the threesome? Should the answer be 'no' then it is best to look elsewhere.
Co-workers bring their own risks with them, which can be far worse then selecting a friend. Arguably we will spend about 1/6th or more of our entire lifetime at work. For some co-workers can become as close as family and work colleagues can almost become second family for us. Sometimes this closeness, from working with someone over a period, makes us forget there is an invisible line that exists between work life and home life. If that line becomes blurred it is easy to forget that consequences outside of the office with a co-worker can carry very negative consequences that might be career ending. Probably the biggest risk that exists with a co-worker, especially if one of you holds a more senior position, is the issue of harassment that includes sexual harassment and victimization. A more likely risk is once work colleagues find out about the relationship it can serve as a focal point for the grapevine, which can lead to low morale, spreading rumors, and loss of productivity. Along with these risks there is always the possibility of loosing your job due to this type of activity. It is best, in this author's opinion, to forget about co-workers.
Finally the title of this section is friends, co-workers, and prostitutes / escorts. Up to this point this chapter covers the topic of friends and co-workers, now the next topic using prostitutes / escorts. Some couples will see escorts / prostitutes as a way of bringing their threesome fantasy true without having to worry about the emotional attachments. While using a prostitute / escort may prevent feelings from being developed they bring a host of risks that are not worth taking. In many jurisdictions prostitution and using escorts are illegal. This means for someone in senior role, who has a morality clause in their contract for employment, or someone who needs to be discreet for a variety of reasons then using a prostitute becomes a game of chance. Even if you can avoid being arrested other risks such as increase chance of catching a STD / STI and risk to personal safety should be enough to deter anyone from using this route.
