1761 words. After we graduated from high school we rented a house together near the Junior College in Llano. Jamie, Lisa and Lillian were 18, Eva and Kristin were 19, George and Paul were 20.
How and why we built a dungeon in our basement - 1980
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It was so wonderful to just "be," to passively experience and not to actively plan. I much prefer to come up with a loose "script," or a guide and use it to improvise. Sex play is the one time in life that I can just turn my big brain off. Humans have HUGE brains relatively speaking. I can just be an object used by my lovers for their selfish enjoyment. I was a runner in high school and beyond. I understand pushing yourself. It is true: no pain - no gain. Our bodies were not made to sit in a five wheeled chair between dividers in the day and then on a sofa all evening.
I know my playmates and trust that no matter how much they hurt me, how much they push me into the new and unfamiliar, they will never intentionally permanently injure me. I have already given permission for them to use me. I said that I wanted to play rough. I want Paul to just use my body to get himself off. I don't want George to ask me if he should do something, I just want him to go ahead and do it. I know Eva and Jamie watching me as we play, that Lillian and Kristin are aware of my physiology before they shove their hands up my twat or ass and fist me.
When Kristin ties me to the padded table and Jamie squeezes my buds really hard to make me open my mouth wide as George sticks his penis down my throat and Paul simultaneously pushes his magnificent hardness mercilessly into my soppy wet vagina, I can easily pretend that I am just a lump of inanimate clay spinning around. Spinning just like my head was spinning, formless clay being transformed, manipulated by six skilled potters on a wheel into a beautiful magnificent artistic creation.
Paul and George both love riding on roller coasters. They know it's statistically safer to ride on a coaster than it is to drive the car 100 miles to the amusement park to ride that coaster. But our brains don't compute the true risks. They aren't programmed that way. So like in a magic trick you know the secret to, when they break character to behave or speak - or to play act something that would be awful in reality - the older reptilian part of my brain is reacting to the given stimulus. That 'ole "fight or flight" reaction is dumping endorphins and endocannabinoids into me making me fly high and feel no pain.
The newer part of my brain is buffering that stimuli, converting pain or fear or both into delicious quantities of sexual excitement. At some level I know I am not being physically injured, raped or having parts of my body sliced off of me. I understand that I won't be mutilated, crippled, strangled or left bound to expire from exposure. But just as the roller coaster aficionado knows that the car always pulls way up before it hits the rapidly approaching ground, his brain reacts to the visual stimuli of impending doom as well.
Keloid scars are slightly raised and slightly different in texture and color than the surrounding tissue. I have quite a few of them from the whip on my buttocks, a few on my breasts, and three small ones from flash brands on my pubis. I love those marks. When l look at them and when I touch them I start to lubricate involuntarily. They hurt when they were being made like my muscles hurt when I ran the two races I actually won in school. Those marks are my ribbons, trophies that nobody can ever take away from me.
I understand how people who don't know their partners inside out like safewords to give themselves a small measure of control. Why they play with those they don't trust, on the other hand, is totally inexplicable to me. But if you can just stop the game, then it isn't real. I trust that my lovers know what they are doing and they won't permanently injure me. I specifically don't want to think while I am being tormented, I want to be abjectly subject to their whims. I enjoy being tied up with George or Paul's penis deep in my throat cutting off my air supply. I know they will let me breathe, eventually.