As I say you will need to decide what works for you need to decide but let me outline my setup.
Most mornings before we leave to get the kids to school and hubby goes to work etc, I have him kneel before me and I give him his instructions for the day. I tell him what I expect of him. These instructions may be errands I want him to run, pick up groceries or laundry that needs to be done. I may tell him that I want a foot massage that night or that I will be spanking him if he is due one. If he has neglected me or has otherwise disappointed me, I will lecture him during this time. At the end of the instructions and/or lecture I will ask him to confirm he understands and he will thank me.
You need to decide how you are going to address your husband. You need to differentiate a normal two-way conversation between husband and wife. These sessions are not conversations, this is the Dominant HoH addressing the submissive or sub for short. You are telling him how his behaviour has disappointed you or how you would like him to act in the future or what he will do that day to serve you. Remember, is not a conversation he is not to speak unless you ask him a question. I choose to have my husband kneel on the floor whilst I remain standing, this is a sign of subservience and respect. You could place a chair in the centre of the room which he sits on whilst you remain standing. It is important that you remain standing so that you are at a higher level to him as you are addressing him as he is superior. At the end of each lecture or instruction makes sure he thanks you for guiding him. If he doesn't graciously thank you, he will deserve a lower end punishment. I will come onto this shortly.
I digress slightly, ย I am sure you will by now have noticed that Dominant is with a capital D as a sign of respect and the submissive is with a small s. I now write my husband's name (apart from on official documents obviously) in lowercase as a silent reminder of his subservience. Whilst on the subject of names, the submissive is usually expected to refer to the Dominant as Mistress, Madam or M'am. However, as we practice our FLR privately this is not really practical and I therefore only expect him to address me as Madam when he is kneeling, being punished or we are in bed. When we are alone he now uses Madam as a sign of respect and I think this is a nice touch. You will need to instruct your husband how is to address you and when. I recommend you do insist on your husband addressing you formally at least in private as the respect is an important part of the dynamic.
Anyway, back our setup. My husband finishes work at around 6pm and it takes him approximately 30 minutes to drive home from work. I therefore insist he is home at no later than 6:45 pm unless I have allowed him to stay out later. Sometimes it is pre-agreed that he may have a night out with his buddies or sometimes he might SMS me during the day to ask for permission. Often I agree, but sometimes for no particular reason I just say no. Is he pleased about it, well of course not, but I am asserting my rights as the HoH and showing my Dominance over him. It goes without saying that he still thanks me for considering his request. ย This curfew is to be respected regardless of the reason, there is no excuse whatsoever. Bad traffic, is 'too bad', he should have left earlier and he will still pay the price. I also don't care if he has to work late he will still receive the full force of my discipline if he is late. ย Strangely enough he doesn't seem to care so much about the 'so urgent work that could not wait' before, now that he knows he will pay the price for staying late. The key to making this work and a happy submissive is zero tolerance.
My husband has a weekly allowance of $50 which I give to him in cash as pocket money and he is free to spend it as he pleases. Beyond this he is not allowed to spend a single cent or use an ATM or credit card unless I have specifically agreed. I ask him each evening how much has spent and check all the bank statements as they arrive. Ideally, I would have him give me all the money so that I could hold it, but on a practical level he needs access. After all, how could he pick up groceries every day without $$$!
Now my husband likes to drink. There is nothing he like more that meeting his buddies at the bar to drink and watch sports. Whilst that works for him, it does nothing for me. So, I have entirely banned hard liquor as it makes him drunk and argumentative, but I do still allow him to drink beers and wine. But, I have limited him to one drink a day unless I specifically authorise more. When giving him permission to drink I will almost always set a limit. I do always insist on him bringing a copy of his bar tab home with him so that I can count the number of beers. It does not escape me that if I was to implement the Dom/sub dynamic to the full extent, then he would not be allowed out at all he would be at home cleaning or doing laundry etc. But I love my husband and want him to be happy too, this makes me happy, so I still let him go out but in my terms.
Every evening I will question my husband on whether he has spent money and if so ask for the receipts, whether he has jacked off, how if he has been drinking and the quantity and ask him to update me on any errands he was to run. Depending on his responses I will either praise him or dish out an immediate punishment. Sometimes, this can only be a discreet interim punishment as the kids are around or we have guests, but I advise him of what he will be getting in the days to come. If you do defer a punishment it is imperative that you do deliver, as failure to do so will send you right off track.
As I say above it is important that he does not masturbate. But, all men masturbate unless you monitor them closely. If I find out that he has jacked off without permission he is punished (relatively harshly) and if it happens again within say a few weeks then he goes into his chastity cage for at least a week, which he hates. They are pretty uncomfortable things and prevent him from weeing without sitting down, but too bad if he can't be trusted not to play with it, it gets locked away.
In the early days, my husband was breaking the rules and making inadvertent slip ups that earnt him regular punishments. If I had to put a number on it I would say 3 or more times a week, but two years on they are more like once or twice a month. He probably gets more Dominance spankings than punishment ones now. Occasionally he still has bad runs, but don't worry he learns the error of his ways! Actually, he recently had one of the most severe ever as I caught him DUI. On the other hand I have also made mistakes in letting things slide and I promise you as if magic all the rules start being broken.
So you have set out the rules and you expect him to follow them. Will he? Of course not, well not at first anyway. You will need to enforce these rules. I know I am labouring the point now, but you must remember NEVER let anything slide. Not one little thing, not ever. If you do, you are wasting your time and his, this will fail. If you ignore an infraction your darling husband will take that as a message that whatever he has done is acceptable and you are ok with it. If he steps out of line he must be punished. As Head of the Household this is now your responsibility to deliver swift justice.
I am sure this is all quite alien to you, so I will try and guide you as best I can. In order to do this you will need to get some tools to work with, simply a slap on the butt will not do the trick. In fact that is more likely to turn him on than discourage him from repeating the offence. The punishments must be suitably unpleasant in order to deter him for doing it again.
In order to get you started I suggest getting some English school canes, a large heavy as you can find hardwood paddle, a long handled bath scrubber and a heavy hairbrush again heavy as you can find. You can task your husband with getting these things together for you. You will also need bars of soap and liquid soap. Now let me explain...
When it comes to punishing your husband, the punishment will need to fit the crime, that is to say the more his actions displease or upset you the more severe the punishment. Repeat infractions should receive relatively serious punishment. If you find your husband is repeating the same undesirable behaviour in a relatively short period of time, I would suggest you have not done your job properly the first time.
First of all physical punishment. You are going to need to use your discretion as to the severity and intensity of the punishment. Your instinct will be to go light as you don't want to seriously hurt him and he will be making his discomfort known and quite possibly at high volume. However, men are not easily hurt and can take a lot, the thrashing you give should leave bruising that last for days if not a week. Don't be afraid to do it again the same or next day if it apparent you have not done enough. It is your prerogative. For some serious infractions I have been known to thrash him several days in a row on his already bruised butt. ย If afterwards he is not in discomfort for at least 48 hours and there is not much bruising then you have gone too light. If you feel tired stop and have him stand in the corner with his hands on his head until you are ready to resume.
The art of a punishment spanking is to administer a sound spanking to the point you are absolutely sure he is in distress, he may be sweating, breathing heavily and possibly even crying. If you can get him to cry you are doing it right. The level is going to vary from person to person and vary depending on the implement being used, but for my husband is usually around 100 or so swats with the hairbush or 50 with the bath scrubber (much nastier). His butt cheeks should be hot and scarlet red with a matt white finish and should be starting to bruise. If not carry on. When I have been really angry I given hundreds of swats. He will beg you to stop, you simply tell him he should have thought about stopping when he was doing whatever it was he is now being punished for and carry on. You can't do any serious damage to his butt, so better to go too far than too light. Once you are satisfied he has been properly spanked you move the next stage. This is NOT the point you stop, you have just entered the 'punishment zone' every stroke will be unbearable and that is precisely the point. Everything you have done up until now has been bearable, in other words no harm done. Now is the time to have him thank you for the spanking and you deliver your lecture and tell him how disappointed you are etc etc. Next you bring out the cane or the paddle and give him a good number of strokes which he should be counting and thanking you for. One, thank you Madam. Two, thank you Madam and so on.