These words are all often the precursors to harassment or even violence. Any trans person reading your story will find this a huge turn off. If you are writing a story in which discrimination is central to the plot, you might have a bigoted character use these terms as an intentional slur -- but in your capacity as the author/narrator you should never refer to your own characters this way, nor should anyone who is intended to be friendly or supportive. Having someone use an offensive term out of ignorance and be corrected would be realistic, since most people do not have much exposure to this topic until they come into close contact with a transsexual friend, lover, or relative.
[8.1] What do trans women look like naked?
There are as many "right answers" to that question as there are trans women in the world. Always remember that like any other group of people, we are diverse. However, here are some tips about the transition life-process and what it does to trans women's bodies:
1. In early life, transsexuals will look like the sex they were born into. All transsexuals go through at least some portion of their life during which they try to conform to the gender they have been assigned before they come to terms with who they are and decide to try to live and be seen as a member of the opposite sex from that which they were born with. Some people realize this as early as grade school -- others don't decide to transition until later in life, some even after retirement. My personal experience is that many people at least take the first steps towards realizing they are transsexual when they hit puberty, and boys and girls start to differentiate more while their own bodies feel increasingly "wrong" as secondary sexual traits develop.
2. Once a person decides to live as the opposite sex, they will most likely want to try to be perceived that way by the outside world. The art of "passing" as it is called is complex, but it generally involves clothing, hairstyle, and sometimes makeup. Some people are lucky enough to be able to "pass" effectively without any medical treatments; however, many others are not so lucky. It is in this earliest phase of transition that a person is likely to look "wrong" or give off the "man in a dress" vibe or something similar. Like a teenager going through an awkward and uncomfortable phase of puberty and sprouting acne all over their face, this is something most transsexuals will be both distinctly aware of and distinctly ashamed of. Many choose not to try to "pass" at all until medical treatments have given them a better chance at not being noticed as transsexual.
3. In general, the first step in a medical transition is hormone therapy -- trans men will be given testosterone, whereas trans women take estrogen and a testosterone-blocker. This will cause them to develop many of the secondary sexual characteristics they desire, and for many people it is all they need to feel comfortable in their own skins and to pass reliably in public. Once on hormones, a trans woman will begin developing breasts. Her body hair will become sparser, and her skin softer, while her muscles become smaller and less pronounced. She will also generally become more "curvy" with fat being deposited more on her butt, thighs, hips, and breasts rather than concentrating so much on the stomach as in men.
4. Estrogen will not change a trans woman's voice or facial hair. Specific facial hair removal is usually needed, and can be one of the most important steps in passing as it gives you a much softer, more feminine looking face. The most common method of permanent hair removal is known as electrolysis, and involves burning the base of each hair with a small electric shock. The process is long (months of appointments with a specialist, at least weekly), painful, and expensive -- but generally very rewarding in terms of lessening dysphoria and improving a trans woman's confidence in her appearance and ability to pass. Laser Hair Removal is also effective in some cases, but not all. It's cheaper, but not universally successful, and the treatment can still take a year or more to complete. Some trans women undergo vocal training to sound more feminine, others are fine with the voice they've always had.
5. There are several surgical options open to trans women, the most common of which is referred to as "SRS" or "Sexual Reassignment Surgery." You can look up the details of how this is done on your own if you like -- but modern SRS is very effective at giving trans women a vulva that looks and feels very analogous to those of non-trans women, and removes the penis/testicles entirely. Others may choose to have their testicles removed, but keep their penis due to medical complications, monetary cost (SRS can run in the vicinity of $20k, having the testicles removed is only about $2k), or fear of losing sexual sensitivity. There are a variety of things which a plastic surgeon can do with the scrotal skin regardless of whether or not the penis is removed, including a labiaplasty to mimic the appearance of female external genetalia or even creating a sensitive lining for a neo-vagina. Even trans women who decide to have SRS often go without this option while on hormones for quite some time just to save up the money to afford it. Most doctors who perform SRS will also insist you be on hormones and living full-time as a woman for at least one year before performing SRS on a trans woman.
6. Other surgeries that are common include facial surgery for those who feel their face is too "mannish." Surgeries to reduce the Adam's apple are also common; but many trans women also decide to do without facial or tracheal surgery. Hormones generally leave trans women with fairly small natural breasts, which develop through the same biological process as other breasts and feel and look completely analogous, but many trans women choose to get breast augmentation to help them pass and avoid having A-cups all their lives. Many others decide they are fine with flat or small chests and choose not to do this.
7. No surgery today will change your overall skeletal structure, so trans women will tend to be tall compared to non-trans women, though obviously there is individual variation.
[8.2] What do trans men look like naked?
The overall process of discovery, hormones, and then surgery is similar for a trans man as it is for a trans woman. However, the effects of the hormones and surgeries are notably different:
1. Testosterone will cause a trans man to develop pronounced muscles like other men, leading to a more square frame and a less curvy look. It also leads to facial hair growth and a deepening of the voice. However, it will not do anything for their chest.
2. Breast removal or extreme reduction usually follows, giving trans men a flat chest. Prior to this, most trans men will choose to do what is known as "binding" -- using a tight under-garment that wraps around the torso to compress the breasts and make them less visible/pronounced.
3. SRS for trans men is less effective than it is for trans women, and more trans men than trans women choose to avoid it entirely -- meaning that, much their own annoyance, most trans men are left with female genitalia.
4. No surgery today will change your overall skeletal structure, so trans men will tend to be short compared to non-trans men, though obviously there is individual variation.
[9] How do trans people have sex?
As is probably obvious, people have sex in a wide variety of ways and it's based a lot on personal preference, so two different trans people may have very different turn-ons and preferences.
When a man and a woman, neither of them trans, decide to have sex, there is a very natural social-script for how it is "supposed" to go: The man climbs on top, puts his penis in the woman's vagina, and thrusts until he's done and then sex is over. Now obviously this isn't the only way that men and women have sex, but it serves as a good starting point for most people.
Trans people don't really have that. There isn't a default script for how sex should go. It's very hard to generalize about people's sexuality, but as a guideline there are two conflicting factors that come into play for all trans people, both men and women:
1. Sexual Pleasure. Obviously, having our genitals generally rubbed, squeezed, petted, licked, or otherwise manipulated tends to feel good, just like for everyone else.
2. Gender Dysphoria. This term refers to a transsexual's sense that their body is "not right" in that they feel they "belong" in a body of the opposite sex. While it's a discomfort people learn to live with, it's still not something people like to be reminded of. Overt reminders of how different our bodies are than what we would want or expect are uncomfortable, often upsetting, and usually a big turn-off that has the potential to stop sex dead in it's tracks. If you're writing a sexual fantasy, you may want to minimize this. Most erotic stories don't dwell on all the little things that in reality can make sex un-sexy when not handled properly. But with that being said, you don't want to stray too far or the amount of un-reality becomes jarring as transsexual readers can begin feeling dysphoric just from reading a story that ignores this too much.
These two opposing forces of pleasure vs. dysphoria need to be balanced for a transsexual to have a satisfying experience. You can avoid a lot of dysphoria by never undressing or touching, but obviously that's not much fun. Conversely, diving right in could cause too much dysphoria, and stop things short.
Remember that most trans people spend significant portions of their lives feeling the need to repress their true identities out of fear, and many are wary about revealing that they are trans at any point in their lives. As a rule of thumb, this leaves many trans people with less confidence and more sensitivity than their non-transsexual counterparts, at least until they've had the time to adjust to being accepted for who they are after a successful transition; and sometimes even then.
