How to Perform and Enjoy Cunnilingus

When I first thought about writing this piece, I had to ask myself: "What qualifies me as someone who actually knows what they're talking about?"

I can only add this in response, and will attempt to do so without sounding boastful about it.

The fact that I've gone down on a number of different women is a good place to start. Each one has taught 'me' what feels good, what they like (or don't like) and has given me the kind of experience that in those terms might make me a bit of an expert so to speak.

Secondly, I also had the unique and rare opportunity to prove that talent on two bonafide lesbians. (And please, don't be sending me hate mail for saying, or claiming that.) Truth of the matter is, I was given that rare opportunity to do so out of real curiosity to see if a man could in fact perform in that area just as well as another woman could. I can honestly state that both women enjoyed the experience, one of which had previously had difficulty even reaching orgasm through oral intercourse 'with' other women, yet was able to do so with me much to everyone's surprise.

So, having said that, allow me to share some of my own personal insights and techniques.

For starters, have fun. Sex should be fun after all. It's meant to be an enjoyable experience, for both parties. Sure, an orgasm feels great, but as they say, getting there is half the fun. So why rush it?

Setting the mood.

It's important that for a prolonged period of oral sex play, that both parties be as comfortable and as relaxed as possible. Make sure you have plenty of space. Don't be afraid to change positions periodically either. It keeps things from becoming tedious (on both sides) and heightens the affects of differing sensations.

Like any good feast, it takes plenty of preparation. Use your senses, and I mean that literally, all six of them. There is nothing more sensual or more intimate than preparing your partner (and yourself) for what can be one of the most intense physical experiences possible. So lets not just jump into anything. Lets first off enjoy what we're looking at. Lets admire, actually look at...and experience the beauty of that treasure we're about to so intimately come into contact with. Guy's (and Gals too!) Taking the time to actually do that can enhance your partner's desire and arousal level. (This is about having fun remember?) So explore with your eyes, your mind, and after a while, gently, lightly with your fingers. Tease, caress and tantalize your partner in preparation for what's to come. (No pun intended). Next, enjoy her smell, the aroma of her sensuality. This type of activity certainly involves a certain amount of personal hygiene, but the last thing I want to be smelling is a rose garden. We all exude a certain chemical smell that is meant to entice and arouse one another. Don't destroy that or cover it up with body oils or soaps too soon before oral sex play. Let that feast preparation produce the natural lubricants and odors designed to stimulate and enhance one's desires. It's important to note here, that giving the pleasure to our partner through oral gratification can also be a very pleasurable experience as well. Let yourself enjoy and savor the taste as well as the smell of your partner, along with the sensation of touch, moisture, heat and sound.

Yes sound. Communicate.

Guys, you might actually consider yourself a real tongue-stud. And the last person you were with might even have told you that you were. But it doesn't mean the person you're with now will find, or even think the same thing. The reality is, what may work or feel good for one woman, might not work or feel good for the next. It is here where communication is key, for both parties. And once again, if you're already being this intimate to begin with, then why not be intimate enough to share with one another what does feel good, and what doesn't. And there's lots of ways to communicate what we like, or what we're enjoying. So lets not be afraid to express that, or show that. Encouragement also goes a long ways.

As I've already mentioned, every person is different. Be ready to adapt or change from one technique to another. There is also something to be said for differing sensations, where one doesn't feel as good now, it may very well feel really good a little later.

Soft and slow.

It's a good place to start. And I don't mean directly on the clitoris either. I'm talking about getting her aroused, excited, "wanting" that tongue on the clitoris. But it's also about getting "you" to "want" to start licking that clit too. So once again, lets start with some gentle kisses, some light flicking licks of the tongue on other surrounding areas. Let her clit be aware that you're down there without actually introducing yourself. Take the time to explore her, enjoy her smell, her taste, and let her know that you are in the process. Trust me, she'll be able to tell if you are, or you aren't. And that can make all the difference in the world. They don't call them lips for nothing. Kiss them, gently or lightly suck them, and move on. Kiss and lick those soft tender areas between her legs and her pussy, without actually touching her there. (I thought about using the word vagina here, but the last thing I want to do is sound clinical. And besides, I personally think pussy is a sexy word to describe a woman's femininity).

Allow the tip of your tongue to explore her, let it gently, and softly slither just inside the opening of her lips, top to bottom, and back again. But once again, take your time, we're not in any kind of a rush here (or shouldn't be yet anyway). Hopefully by this time, that so-far neglected clit is actually ready for some direct and indirect attention. And clits, just like cocks, come in all shapes and sizes. (Yeah, they really do). They can also be very sensitive, to supersensitive. And you need to be sensitive to that as well. Sometimes immediate direct contact and stimulation can be too much too soon. Especially if you begin flicking your tongue against it like it was a tootsie-pop and you're anxious to get to the chocolate center. That might be your desire, but it might not be hers.

Once again, taste the candy, take your time. Those first slow, light gentle caresses of the tongue can do wonders for allowing a woman's clitoris to adjust, and prepare itself for more forceful, and harder stimulation. Let her tell you when, whether verbally, or physically. And Gal's, please don't be afraid to point that out either. Those first few minutes of slow tender tongue-touches can become less than enjoyable if you don't let us know it's ok to turn things up a notch or two. Or...to turn them back down again for a while if that's what you enjoy.

Techniques.

There are a lot of varying techniques. And what might feel good for some women, might not feel as good for another. So once again, listen to her body language, her sighs and moans to let you know if what you're doing is a good thing. Or even better, telling your partner if something feels really good...or just nice, helps a lot as well. If you want it softer, harder, slower or faster, then say so. A good lover listens. A better lover shares.

Like the head of the penis, (too clinical?) ok...prick. The head of a woman's exposed clitoris can be equally sensitive. And sometimes too much prolonged stimulation to that area can become annoying unless she's aroused and stimulated to the point of orgasm. But one technique is to lightly run your tongue up and down that delicate little shaft. Give it an equally light suck or two then let the length and flat of your tongue fully caress the full opening of her split, once again top to bottom before searching out and again directly or indirectly assaulting her clitoris. The amount of pressure, friction, tempo can and should be alternated as you explore and arouse your partner. Once again, changing positions periodically can also change the differing sensations for both partners as well.

When her breathing, or her spoken words alert you that she's "very" aroused now, then more direct stimulation and force can be better tolerated (if not downright needed and wanted by this time). Here, and again be open to communication, but a firm though still yet gentle sucking directly of the woman's clitoral shaft can be extremely pleasurable. Sometimes holding it there with your lips, using the flat of your tongue to press it deeply within your mouth, still holding, though sucking lightly at first, and perhaps a little more forcefully as indications of your partner's pleasure is expressed. I enjoy doing that, with an in-between variation of the old "butterfly" clit flick of the tongue. Whether that be also hard and fast, or soft and slow. Mix it up a little. Again, use your own imagination, and have fun. Enjoy yourself, and she'll enjoy it all the more as well.

Use your hands and fingers. But be aware of what she likes, or doesn't like here too. Not every woman enjoys a finger up there while she's being stimulated orally. And even those who do, just enjoy the presence of it being there more than any hard-fast thrusting one might be tempted to do. (If she wants that...she'll let you know hopefully). But this is also an ideal time to go back to those breasts. They're not just there for foreplay. Very often the direct stimulation and caress of a woman's clitoris can be heightened and intensified by the added stimulation of her breasts and nipples simultaneously. Most often a woman's nipples can become even more sensitive, more pleasure driven when you are by now directly stimulating her clitoris, and visa versa. With practice, you can vary the tempo of stimulation to both areas. Soft caresses and nipple touches while the tongue is flicking madly on the surface of her clit. Or harder (if she enjoys that) nipple pinches and squeezes, while one's tongue light as a feather, dances across the floor of her clitoris.

Finger scissors.

Not all women enjoy this. And it's certainly something you'd best ask about before doing anything. Don't assume. Once again, one woman might want only oral stimulation of the lips, mouth and tongue without any penetration at all. Others still might also enjoy that added sensation, whether it be secondary and passive, or firm and authorative. On some other occasions, a well lubricated, gentle finger in her ass in addition to one inside her pussy can produce exquisitely erotic pleasurable enhancements to the oral techniques I've described above. But that is again a personal preference, and not mentioned here as an absolute requirement. But I have through my own experience found it to induce very intense orgasms in most women who've allowed and enjoyed this particular technique.

The orgasm

Here again, all women are different. Half the fun is finding out how different they can be, and enjoying that difference, and sharing it with them. Some women excrete additional fluids when experiencing an orgasm. Some others actually have what is called "female" ejaculations. Whatever the case, it's her orgasm, and if you care about it, or care about her, then go with the flow as I say. Something I again personally find very, very enjoyable.

Be very much aware of a woman's sensitivities, or abilities to be multi-orgasmic. Some women having experienced climax can become supersensitive (just like guys can). Continuing to flick or suck her clitoris when the pleasure has receded can be downright painful. When she grabs your head, maybe its time to let up. But surprisingly enough, sometimes that same gentle soft linger of a lightly touching tongue after an orgasm, can bring about another one within a relatively short period of time in some instances. Be patient in that, if she's enjoying that post-climatic pleasuring, let her decide if it's going to lead to yet another climax, or simply if it's a nice slow gentle way to come down. If you've pleasured her well enough during this session, chances are she'll be ready and wanting a bit more. And remember that turnabout is fair play. Please your partner, pleasure her beyond her wildest expectations, and I can assure you, she'll do the same thing for you. I certainly welcome your comments thoughts or ideas. Feel free to contact me to discuss any of this, ask questions, or even disagree if you wish with anything I've said. All I've hoped to do here is share with you what I have learned and enjoyed through personal experience. Does that make me an expert? Not necessarily, but I've not had anyone complain yet either, on the contrary. But it's also something I love doing. And I think that's also just as important as anything I could try and tell someone how to do.