How to Open Your Relationship

(A Beginner's Guide)

So you've decided you and your partner want an open relationship. For the sake of simplicity let's assume right now it's just you and your partner which will be considered the primary partners in this relationship. While there are many types and variations of open relationships I will be focusing on what I know as I don't feel qualified to discuss what I haven't experienced yet myself. In this scenario the most important relationship is the one between you and your partner. Together you've made a decision you want an open relationship. Or have you?

Let's take a step back. Do you know why you are doing this? Do you honestly want an open relationship? Do you know what this entails? Is the bond between you and your partner strong enough to withstand all the guilt, jealousy and other possible strains this may put on your relationship?

I wish I had taken the time to ask myself these questions before jumping unprepared into my first open relationship.

So here's a few suggestions I have for all the other beginner's out there, it's worked for me so far, so I hope it will work for you but as we all know nothing in this world is guaranteed as far as relationships.

1. Trust your partner

How do you achieve this? How do you know he or she won't run off with someone else if they have the chance? Maybe he'll dump you and run off with that cute girl he fucked the other day. That's what happened with my first open relationship and what made it worse was he had my permission to fuck her, at least the first time. So I tried to do what everyone does, to learn from their relationship mistakes. The first open relationship was a young one in all meanings of the word, at least for me, it was my first boyfriend of any type, I was young, naïve and had only known him for about a month before I agreed to try something new. So I suggest you don't try adding spice to the relationship until you know you have a very solid one with your partner to start with.

If you don't trust them completely, with your life, your emotions, your mental health, or even the temptation that adding another person to your sex life will bring, don't do it. I can only say time and unique, often stressful situations will show you who your truest friends are. I'm not saying to put yourself in these situations voluntarily is a good idea, but I know my best friends have stood the test of time and been by my side when I needed a hug and a shoulder to cry on. I can only say I'm very lucky my current partner has been there for me as a good friend for years before we ever thought of starting this kind of relationship and it's probably the only reason this works for us.

2. Communicate openly and honestly with your partner

It's a great idea to talk to your partner about your sex life, I'm sure many of us can take a few cues from Hikergirl (great how-to by the way). Talk about what turns you on, your fantasies, what movie stars you would be naughty with if you could. And for many people that's as far as it needs to go. I see nothing wrong with that, discussing new things can turn you on and be foreplay for your own sex life with your partner, leading to a night of great sex and it may stop right there. But for some if the conversation keeps coming back to the ideas of including a third or fourth person or more in your relationship, temporarily or permanently, at least explore the idea. How would you go about it? Possible complications, concerns? If one person believes they would get too jealous or it's not for them the other person should respect that and not push their ideas on the other one, trying to force them to act out fantasies they don't want to happen, some things are not meant to be acted out and only to be dreamed of.

3. Be open minded and have fun, safely

However a time and place may happen when you have a partner you trust and has the same desire as you to try something new. In this case a three or four or moresome can work if a few ground rules are laid out.

A). Be honest and open about your concerns and feelings at all times with all people participating

B). All participants should meet first in a non-sexual place to discuss rules, expectations and fears. Agree on basic rules such as: if anyone at anytime feels uncomfortable they can call a stop to all actions they are engaged in or watching.

C). At a later time when engaged in sexual and intimate acts, have fun but be respectful of others feelings and respect all rules agree upon previously.

D). Meet up later after the sex is over to see how everyone feels after that fact, hopefully everyone had an okay time, or at the very least wasn't hurt. The most important thing is that everyone is okay with all that happened and went on.

Jealousy, guilt, excitement, nervousness, and an unexplained inability to get hard when another male is in the room may occur. Anything can occur in such a situation and expectations that a threesome will be the best mind-blowing sex ever is silly. I know the best sex is after some one has gotten to know you and knows what you like so the first time with someone new might be the worst, especially if there's the added pressure of others watching. The point is to make the best of it and if someone just isn't ready for that kind of experience to not try to push it on them. I thoroughly enjoyed my first and only foursome experience and was eager to repeat it but with more people there are more relationships to consider. After sitting down and reviewing what happened we both liked the girl of the other couple but felt uneasy around the guy so it hasn't happened again yet. But one day we hope to find another couple we feel comfortable with.

Always remember. An open relationship is many times harder then a normal one. People get jealous. People get scared. And stupid things will happen. So long as you can talk about these things though, this could be an amazing adventure. Have fun experimenting and do it safely please.