There are times in our life that we just shouldn't be alone. At obvious things such as giving birth, going into surgery or getting life changing news we seem to have a loved one with us to hold our hand. The list is long of things that we go through with someone right there to carry part of the weight for us.
But what about a time when we really need someone by our side and no one is there? How do we cope? Where does the strength come from to make it through that particular crisis? How many times do we go through things alone before we just can't do it anymore?
"Why do I have to be alone? Why me again? What did I do? Why does it always happen to me? When will it stop?"
How many of you have asked some of those questions? I know I have. There is one particular time when I have found it really difficult to be alone: an extremely low day, when the depression hits so bad all you want to do is curl up and cry. The kind of day where the low side of your mind is trying to take over, and coming close to winning.
The mind is a scary thing on bad days. It can trick us into thinking all sorts of things. When I say that it is almost like the mind is talking to us, I don't mean exactly that there are true voices inside. It's more like impressions, suggestions maybe, of how the brain says to react. "I can't do this, I'm not strong enough, I'm not good enough, people think I'm stupid, I am weak" are some feelings that come from that low.
But I have also learned a few things along the way that might benefit someone else. I would like to share some of those with you. What follows is a list of a few things I have discovered to help me get through the bad days. It is not a professional opinion.
1. I have found that something comforting helps. Kids have a teddy bear, why can't we have something too. Hold a pillow or a blanket close and feel the warmth go through you. It can trick you into thinking someone is there.
2. Talk to yourself out loud. Sure, if you did this around people they would stare and think you were weird or strange. The point is, no one IS there. Find upbeat and positive things to say. If you want to, keep a journal or notebook of sayings. Or just wing it, depending on the day. Hearing a voice makes you feel less alone, even though it is your own.
3. Music of some sort can really help, as long as it isn't depressing. Find something you like and listen to the words. Feel the music in your body. It can feel like the heartbeat of someone else right next to you, almost like tricking you into feeling that you aren't alone.
4. Many people will say crying doesn't help. But keeping it all inside just builds until we explode. The tears can be a way to release some of that pressure. Letting them fall as you talk to yourself can be healing. Remind yourself that it's better to cry than to never show any emotion at all.
5. Write down how you feel right then. Your hand might be shaky but it doesn't matter. Don't even worry about full sentences, just write whatever you think of right then. All the anger, pain, fear, and sadness from inside is now on that paper. Take it and shred it to little pieces and then throw it away. You will feel better for throwing away those feelings.
6. Still having trouble and no one is home? Go online and find a really close friend that knows about your illness or problems. Talk to them. Let them be the other person in your room with you. If they understand your illness at all, they will "sit" with you while you work through it.
7. Pick up the telephone and call someone you can trust that can stay on the phone with you. The sound of another voice, right there in your ear, can do as good as in the room. Again, if they know your illness and you, they will understand what needs to be done.
8. Try to take a nap. This might sound childish, but if you can rest while the low is at its worst, when you wake up you can handle what is left better. Someone might be home by then as well. That small amount of sleep can give you the extra strength needed to fight.
The ideas above are just some that I have learned in the part few years. I didn't list them in any order, but more as I thought of them. Everyone having a bad day has to discover for themselves what will work to bring you back up. Maybe one of these ideas has helped you before. Could be you tried something similar and found it not to help at all.
There are so many things that can be used to help us through. Obviously having a loving and understanding family is number one. But not everyone has that kind of support. When we reach out and no one is there to take our hand, we learn to deal with it on our own.
If someone you know reaches out, scared and alone, asking for help, please hold their hand. It doesn't matter if you don't have the "right" words. When you care for them and are willing to stay with them, that's what matters. It only takes a little bit of time from your day, but can mean the world of difference to theirs.
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