How to Mae a Woman Want You

Wayne gets a total makeover. Wayne gets help in how to make a woman want him.

That Monday, after worrying all weekend long over what Susan would do, Wayne was as troubled as he was depressed. He walked the streets after work with his head down and his hands dug deep in his pockets while thinking about all that went wrong with his date with Susan. Wondering if she'd report him for sexual harassment, he wondered if he'd be fired from his job for forcing Susan to have sex with him against her will. Then, forgetting his troubles, uplifted from his desperation with elation, he saw a familiar face in the crowd.

"Jeff?" Seemingly not believing it was him, Wayne did a double take to stare at his old friend. "Is that really you? It is you. I don't believe it."

Jeff stopped in his tracks to see who called him.

"Wayne old buddy? How are you?" said Jeff shaking his friend's hand.

"I'm good," said Wayne. "How are you my friend? Long time no see," said Wayne smiling widely at seeing his old friend.

"I'm good," said Jeff taking a good, long look at Wayne. "Gees, I haven't seen you since high school graduation nearly twenty years ago. Except for a few extra pounds," said Jeff patting his friend's belly, "you look the same."

"Handsome before, you're even better looking now," said Wayne in admiration of his friend. "You always could have been a model or a movie star. Are you?"

"Am I what?"

"A model or a movie star?"

"Hell no. I'm an entrepreneur," he said with pride.

"So, tell me all about yourself. Catch me up with your life," said Jeff smiling. "Are you married? Do you have kids? What have you been doing with yourself?"

"Me? Married? Nah. Kids? Never. I don't even have a girlfriend," said Wayne waving a hopeless hand. "I mean, I had girlfriends in the past," he said puffing out his chest before admitting the truth. "Well not real girlfriends, they've been more blind dates than real relationships. For some reason and I don't know why, but I can't get a second date," said Wayne sticking his hand deep in his pant pockets again with a look of sad dejection mixed with hopeless rejection.

"That's too bad Wayne," said Jeff suddenly seeming uncomfortable with the conversation.

Wayne gave his friend a long look before confessing his desperation.

"You've always been good with women Jeff, do you think you could help me? I'm going through a long, dry spell and I'd really love to get laid. Even though I've had lots of first dates, I can't even persuade a woman to give me a hand job, never mind a blowjob," said Wayne.

"Well," said Jeff with a little laugh. "Already I see some obvious problems with your lack of success with romance."

"What? Tell me. I'll do anything you say to finally have sex with a woman instead of with my hand."

"That's a bit too much information Wayne," said Jeff taking a step back while moving his hands palm up to his shoulders with a laugh.

"Help me Jeff," said Wayne with sadness. "I need to have a fuck buddy in my life."

"Fuck buddy? Your focus with women appears to be only about sex. For you to expect to receive a hand job on a first date when most men are lucky to receive a good night's kiss is part of your problem."

"Oh yeah? So what's wrong with that? I didn't think a hand job was that big of a deal with the woman today. Besides, what else is there other than sex? And, to be honest, I don't see what's wrong with expecting a woman to jerk me off after I spent good money on her to buy her a nice dinner. In the way that I look at things, I satisfied her hunger for food so she should satisfy my hunger for sex."

Jeff put a hand to his friend's shoulder.

"You have much to learn about women my friend. There's so much more to enjoying a real relationship with a woman than just getting laid, receiving a hand job, and/or a blowjob," said Jeff.

"That's easy for you say," said Wayne looking at his friend with jealousy. "I bet you have a different babe in your bed every night," he said with envy. "I bet you have a whole stable of women that you can call for sex whenever you're horny."

"You're right. I do have a lot of women but it's because I treat them with kindness and respect. I don't force them to do anything that they don't want to do," said Jeff.

"Wow," said Wayne. "I wish I were you instead of me."

"No you don't. Don't envy me. I'm not perfect," said Jeff. "We all have our problems and foibles."

"Still, when it came to women, you've always appeared to be in control. From the time you were 18-years-old, even back in high school, you always dated all the best looking cheerleaders and even the Prom Queen." said Wayne looking to his friend for help. "Tell me, what else I'm doing wrong to never get that second date?"

"Well," said Jeff looking at his friend. "Look how you're dressed. Forgive me for saying this but you're dressed like a slob. A woman doesn't want to be with a man who doesn't care about his personal appearance. If the man doesn't care about himself, how could he possibly care about her," said Jeff. "At the very least, you need to shower and shave every day and put a comb through that rat's nest that you call hair," he said tousling his friend's already messy hair. "You look a little like John Belushi when he played John Blutarsky in Animal House."

"Thank you, I've always liked John Belushi but I see what you mean," said Wayne flattening his hair with his hand and looking down at himself before looking up at his friend. "You always look so put together. You look like one of those guys on GZ magazine. You always look like a million bucks."

"GQ, you mean, GQ magazine," said Jeff.

"Whatever? Whether GZ or GJ, you know what I mean," said Wayne with impatience.

"Listen, in the way that too many people are focused on money, those who wish they were rich will never be millionaires," said Jeff. "Those who only want women for sex, will never be in a fulfilling relationship."

"I've heard that before on Oprah," said Wayne.

"Oprah? You watch Oprah?"

"No, of course not," said Wayne sheepishly. "Not now anyway. I used to watch her all the time before she stopped doing her daily show," said Wayne. "I like Oprah. Even if she wasn't a billionaire, I wouldn't mind her giving me a hand job or a blowjob," he said with a dirty laugh.

"Anyway," said Jeff. "In the way that some must change their thinking about money to succeed, they also must change their thinking about women when it comes to having and/or expecting to have a romantic relationship. Those who enjoy a rich love life are those who exude positivity. They don't need to pick up women. The women come to them and love just happens," said Jeff looking at his friend. "You need to be more positive buddy. You need to exude confidence," said Jeff pounding out his fist as if he was a preacher at Sunday Mass or a coach in a locker room before the big game.

"I see. So, lemme see if I have all of this. It's all about not rushing the sex, dressing better, being more positive, and having confidence. I get it," said Wayne. "What else?"

"Your car."

"My car? What about my car?"

"If I were a betting man," said Jeff suddenly looking at Wayne pensively as if he was psychic. "I bet you still have that same, old Honda."

"Gloria?"

"You named your car?"

"Yeah, doesn't everyone?"

"No Wayne, they don't."

"Okay, I see your point. So, let me recap again, I need not to focus so much on sex but more on the woman," said Wayne counting off on his fingers while looking up at Jeff. "I need to buy new clothes, be more positive, have confidence, and buy a new car. Is that it?"

"Myopically speaking, yes, in a nutshell," said Jeff with a chuckle. "You'll see that there is so much more than how you look on the outside and what you drive. What matters the most is the person that you are on the inside."

"Seriously? I need to buy a new car?" Concentrating more on having to buy a new car, Wayne looked at his friend with skepticism while ignoring what he said about the person on the inside. "I don't see how my buying a new car will help me to get laid."

"Seriously it will," said Jeff. "Trust me."

"I don't know what buying a new car has to do with having a woman in my life," said Wayne looking off pensively while scratching his head, "but I could use a new car anyway."

"If only by first impressions, women judge you by how you act, how you dress, and what you drive," said Jeff. "Women need to know that you have a good job and are able to support them and take care of them and their children."

"Support them and take care of them and their children? Hold on Jeff. Back up. Not so fast. I'm not looking for a wife, I'm just looking to get laid."

"Ah, but the search to get laid begins by looking for that one special person who attracts you and who is attracted by you," said Jeff. "Those who only see one aspect the outside appearance of a woman, tits, pussy, and ass, miss the whole woman that's hidden on the inside."

"Tits, pussy, and ass? Now you're talking my lingo buddy. I love tits, especially big tits. There's this one women at work, Susan, who I'd love to—"

"Some of the best women that I dated have been women who aren't as beautiful on the outside as they are beautiful on the inside," said Jeff talking over him while putting a fatherly hand to his friend's shoulder.

"I see your point about only being attracted by the outside appearance of a woman. I understand. I do. Yet, much more attracted to how a woman looks like on the outside than on the inside and, like most men, I'm not ashamed of that," said Wayne suddenly needing to defend the way that he looked for women.

"Choosing women from their outside appearance is as if you're only eating appetizers and desserts but never sitting down to enjoy the whole meal. Your quest for sex begins and ends with your search for love. It's only when you truly love someone that you'll experience the best sex in your life."

"I understand what you're saying about women and about love but to be honest Jeff, I wouldn't mind having a wild night of sex with a couple of strippers dancing around my pole, if you know what I mean," said Wayne with a dirty laugh.

"Spare me the images Wayne," said Jeff with a laugh. "My advice to you is to look for love and not sex. Once you have love in your life, sex with follow. In the way of Cervantes' Don Quixote in his search for Dulcinea and Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, you'll find sex along the way. You may even find love."

"Don Quixote? Is he that Mafioso from the neighborhood?"

"No, Don Quixote is a fictional character written by a famous writer of great literature who wrote the inspiration for the Man of La Mancha," said Jeff.

"Whatever?" Wayne looked at his friend with confusion. "Romeo and Juliet? Didn't they commit suicide?"

"Bad example. Forget about Romeo and Juliet," he said with a laugh. "You need to broaden your horizons. You need to read some literature," said Jeff beginning to look exasperated. "You need to immerse yourself in poetry by Lord Byron."

"Lord Byron? I don't think so. Besides, I do read. Every month I read Playboy, Hustler, Penthouse, Car and Driver, Motor Trend, Automobile, and Road & Track. Reading the literature that I like, I read a lot," said Wayne proudly.

"Well, if ever you find a woman who's into other women and cars, you'll be all set," said Jeff laughing.

"Wow! Being that I like watching two women going at one another, you just described my dream woman Jeff. A bi-sexual woman who loves cars," said Wayne. "If only I can find one who drives a Mustang GT or a Cobra."

"Whether you're looking for a nice woman to fall in love with or a wild woman who enjoys having sex with both sexes while reading about cars, I think if you follow some of the suggestions that I've given you, you'll find your perfect match," said Jeff seeming anxious to leave his friend to himself.

"I see," said Wayne. "So, if I make all of those changes to my life to get a woman, I'll may even get my dream woman?"

"Yes. Being that I think I know what women want and by having shared my dating advice with you, you should be more able to find someone," said Jeff.

"I'm willing to do whatever I have to do," said Wayne smiling to show his positivity and swelling out his chest to show his confidence while shaking his friend's hand. "Only, as soon as you leave me," he said with his face changing from happiness to sadness, "I know that I'll return to my old ways. I just know I will," he said looking at his friend with helplessness.

"Just follow my advice buddy and you won't go wrong. Write it down if you have to but I think you'll be okay," said Jeff.

"Can you help me more than just giving me advice and suggestions? I really need you to take me by the hand to show me how I can take control of my life. I need to be more like you," said Wayne pathetically.

Jeff looked at his friend before looking at his watch.

"Sure. C'mon," said Jeff looking at his watch again. "I don't have any plans today. First things first. Let's buy you some new clothes and then we'll buy you a new car. In the meantime, we'll discuss how better to treat a woman and how to be more positive" said Jeff escorting his friend into a Ralph Lauren Polo outlet.

"I've never shopped here before. I've been buying all of my clothes at Wal-Mart and the Goodwill outlet," said Wayne walking in the store as if he was walking in an exclusive store for millionaires.

"I know. I can tell," said Jeff.

"This store is nice but," said Wayne whispering. "It looks expensive."

"It's as not expensive as you think it is Wayne. Certainly it's much more expensive than Wal-Mart and the Goodwill stores but the quality is much better and the clothes will last much longer."

"Is this where you buy your clothes?" Wayne looked at Jeff's colorful shirt and sharp trousers.

"This is where I used to buy my clothes. I shop at more upscale stores now," said Jeff.

"So," said Wayne looking at his friend as if his friend was Master Po and he was Grasshopper. "Why did you bring me here instead of Kohl's or Target?"

"Why? A couple of reasons why Wayne. The quality here is much higher than Kohl's and Target. Also, I love this store because the prices are reasonable and, instead of clothes that are black, grey, navy blue, and brown, they have lots of color selections. In the way that animals and birds do, if you want to attract a woman, you need to put on your peacock," said Jeff with a laugh. "Colorful clothes will make a woman look at you twice. Color clothes will make a woman notice you."

"Got it," said Wayne. "In trying to hide my extra pounds," said Wayne grabbing a handful of his flab. "The only colors that I've been wearing are black, dark brown, and navy blue. When I wear my white shirt with black pants and black jacket, I look more like an orca whale than I do a player."

"You can't be afraid to wear color Wayne. Color is your friend," said Jeff holding up a blue and green checked shirt. "These are your colors. They make your blue eyes pop. I'd stick with blues and greens if I were you. Then, later we'll sign you up for a gym membership. I know the perfect place that's loaded with guys who look more like you than musclebound gym rats."

Wayne spent a couple of hours picking out new shirts, jackets, sweaters, pants, socks, and shoes. After they finished shopping at the store, they hit the car dealership.

"You know Jeff, now that you mention me buying a new car, I've always wanted a new Honda," said Wayne. "Those new Civics are so sleek looking and they aren't that expensive," he said nodding his head as if to reiterate what he had just said.

"Hondas are for family men. Unless you're looking to get married, you need to put your horse in the right race. Speaking of putting your horse in the right race, what you need is a hot car, a Mustang GT convertible. Here's Ford dealership. Pull in here," said Jeff.

"Wow. A Mustang GT convertible. Really? I never owned a Mustang before. I never owned a convertible. I never even considered such a hot car. Is that the kind of car that you drive, a Mustang GT?"

"No, actually," said Jeff seeming suddenly appearing uncomfortable. "I drive a Bentley Continental GT."

"A Bentley. Seriously?" Wayne looked at Jeff as if he was joking before obviously realizing that he wasn't. "Wow! Way out of my budget, those cars cost a million bucks."

"Actually, my car was less than three hundred thousand dollars," said Wayne with pride that, no doubt, he could afford such a fine car.

"Go ahead. Walk around, look at the cars, sit in them, while visualizing yourself sitting behind the wheel and driving the car," said Jeff waving off a salesman to give his friend more time to shop without being pressure to buy.

"What about this red one Jeff. I like this one," said Wayne. "Now this is a hot car that will surely attract some female attention," said Wayne running his hand down the fender as if he was fondling a woman."

"No. Red sends the wrong message. Red makes you appear as if you never outgrew your youth or are trying to recapture your youth," said Wayne.

"Hmm, I never thought about a red car in that way," said Wayne. "What about that yellow one? That's a hot car."

"Yellow? No. There's a reason why animals have yellow on their skins. Yellow tells predators that there are poisonous to eat. Yellow is the wrong color for attracting women," said Wayne. "Trust me. Women will take the color as symbolism to think that you're poisonous."

"Then what color? I don't see myself driving a white car or a black car and everyone has a silver car," said Wayne stopping in front of a white Mustang to consider the car.

"What you want is a blue Mustang. I don't know a woman who doesn't like the color blue," said Jeff escorting Wayne down to a blue Mustang before waving over the salesman. "This is the car right here, a true, blue Mustang GT convertible. Go ahead and sit it in."

"Holy shit. I like the car Jeff but," said Wayne whispering to his friend while reading the window sticker, "this one is forty big ones. Maybe I should buy a used one," said Wayne.

"In the way that you hold onto a car, with the zero financing and the manufacturer's rebates that they're offering, you'll get a better deal buying new," said Jeff. "Besides the last time you bought a new car was when Bush was in office during his first term. Car prices have gone way up along with everything else. I bet you haven't spent a dollar of the inheritance you got from your Dad when he died."

"I've been investing," said Wayne looking sheepishly chagrinned before agreeing with his friend. "You're right. It's time I spent some money."

Wayne bought the blue, Mustang GT convertible.

To be continued...