How To Be Happy Now

"Dee do do do do do do doe do dee da...Here is a little song I wrote. You might want to sing it note for note. Don't worry, be happy. In every life we have some trouble. When you worry you make it double. Don't worry, be happy."

Oh, sorry, I didn't realize you were all there reading over my shoulder. I was just singing Bobby McFerrin's song, Don't Worry, Be Happy.

So, you want to be happy? Well, you've come to the right place. Welcome to my story, How To Be Happy Now.

How happy do you want to be? C'mon, it's just the two of us. Whisper it in my ear; only don't stick your tongue in my ear again this time. That was gross.

Really? You want to be that happy? Wow, that's really happy. You're pretty giddy now. I can't imagine you being any happier. Any happier and you'd be comedic, locked you away in a rubber room happy while wearing a straightjacket and laughing like a hyena happy.

Yet, it doesn't matter. If that is what you really want, then I can give you happiness because I have the magic formula to achieving real happiness in your life.

How to lose weight fast? How to become rich quick? How to be happy now? I've pretty much cornered most of the self-help books and programs on the market haven't I with this story? Now, seriously, what about my name Bostonfictionwriter did you not understand? I write fiction about Boston. Did you seriously believe that I could help you lose weight fast, become rich quick, and be happy now?

Wait; don't leave just yet because, actually, I think that I can help you to be happy now, only maybe not right now, but definitely, later after you've read this story, given me a 5 vote, and allowed it to percolate in your brain for a while. Let's start with a bit of commonsense first. You need to ask yourself several questions.

1. Why now? Why do you want to be happy now? What has happened in your life that you suddenly feel the need for happiness now?

2. Why aren't you happy now? Were you happy before? When were you happy? Were you ever happy? Can you remember a time when you were happy? Hold that thought. Don't let go of that thought. Think of nothing else but the last time you felt real happiness. Allow that thought to overwhelm you. Relive the feeling and acquaint yourself with happiness.

3. So, just how happy do you want to be? Happiness has many shades. There is happy and then there is happy. Let's hope you don't want to be comedic or clown happy because, generally comedians and clowns are sad people who hide behind a happy face. Actually, now that I think about it, writers and artists are a fairly miserable bunch, too, present company excluded.

Speaking of happy, I was first exposed to that ever annoying happy slogan followed by a smile, "Have a nice day," when I was in California in the early '70's. I was pretty happy back then or so I thought. I was working in the Boston branch office of Warner-Elektra-Atlantic Records and flew out to Las Angeles to see the corporate office and maybe meet some celebrities. Actually, I was thinking about transferring from the Boston office to the Las Angeles office, but it was too freaking hot in California and with so much pollution and traffic, everything was always too far away. I decided to stay where I was and I was "happy" with my decision.

Only, my imagined happiness was made apparent when practically everyone was wishing me to "Have a nice day". Even that guy in LA central who tried to mug me wished me to have a nice day after I beat him within an inch of his life with my Kabuton. Read my story, How to Protect and Defend Yourself if you don't know what a Kabuton is. Only, remember to give me a 5 vote after you've read it. Go ahead. Take your time. I'll wait here for you to return.

"Dee do do do do do do doe do dee da...Here is a little song I wrote. You might want to sing it note for note. Don't worry, be happy."

Back already? That was fast.

I don't know, but maybe because I'm from the northeastern part of the country and much like New Yorkers and those people from New Jersey, we Proper Bostonians aren't real happy people. We're more realists and it's difficult to be happy when you are, as Randy Jackson of American Idol fame would say, "Keeping things real, baby, keeping thing real."

Matter of fact, the four things that still piss me off today are happy politicians (it makes me suspicious why they are so happy), Happy or Smiley Faces, Hare Krishna people, and someone telling me to "Have a nice day."

"Have a nice day."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Have a nice day."

"Have a nice day? How dare you say that to me? Who the Hell are you to tell me how to live my life. Beat it! Scram! Get lost! Get outta here! Hey, wait up! Did you just put that smiley face on my car bumper? Get that fucking thing off my car and get out my life."

"Sorry, okay, I removed my happy face sticker from your car mister. Have a nice day."

"Have a nice day? Did you just tell me to have another nice freaking day, again? Go fuck yourself!"

That was me then and this is me now. "Don't worry, be happy. In every life we have some trouble. When you worry you make it double. Don't worry, be happy."

Okay, I exaggerate, I'm not that happy, but I'm pretty happy and happy enough that I can help your miserable ass become a shade bit happier. I still don't like happy politicians, smiley faces, and Hare Krishna people though.

So, tell me, why now? Why do you want to be happy now? What has happened in your life that you suddenly feel the need for happiness now? Don't answer, yet, think about it.

Have you been feeling down and a bit blue? Are you depressed? Are you unemployed or underemployed? Do you wish you had more money? Didn't you read my story, How To Get Rich Quick? Go read it, give me a 5 vote, and come back. Go ahead. Take your time. I'll wait here.

Back already? That was fast.

Was it your divorce that set off your unhappiness? Are you alone and lonely? Did your dog die? Didn't you read my story, How To Pick The Perfect Pooch? Go read it, give me a 5 vote, and come back. Go ahead. Take your time. I'll wait here.

Back already? That was fast.

Have you gained weight recently? Are you depressed because all your clothes are tight and the weather is getting warmer, too warm to wear your sweats? Didn't you read my story, How To Lose Weight Fast? Go read it, give me a 5 vote, and come back. Go ahead. Take your time. I'll wait here.

Back already? That was fast.

Certainly, now I can more understand your reason for wanting to be happy.

Yet, happiness is but a state of mind and a sense of well being. If you can feel happiness then you can attain happiness and if you can feel and attain happiness then you are happy. Think happy and you can still be happy when everything around you is falling apart. Your happy mood and your happiness will make even the worst things in your life seem better.

No, put the gin down. Drinking will only give you a temporary high and a hangover. You need something longer lasting. You need an attitude adjustment and I'm just the guy who can give you that with this story.

Before you can find happiness you need to identify why you aren't happy now? Were you happy before? Were you ever happy? Can you remember a time when you were happy? Now, hold that thought...again.

Think of a time when you were happy. C'mon, everyone was happy many times in their lives, even you. I was happy when I was invited to a prom...four of them.

I was happy when I was going on my Honeymoon. That was a happy time for me. I was young and finally free from the control of my parents. I was on my own with the woman I loved ready and eager to embark on a new life. That was a happy time of my life.

I'm happy every Christmas giving out gifts. Christmas is a special time of year. I love the season from Thanksgiving to New Year. The happiness that I feel carries me through the cold, gray months of winter.

I'm happy every Sunday feeding the homeless, that is, so long as I don't allow the sight of so many needy people needing a bit of happiness in their lives to depress me. Sometimes the feeling of sadness that you can't give enough of yourself to really help can be overwhelming. Yet, smile and the whole world will smile with you. It's true.

"What the Hell are you smiling about? Are you making fun of me?"

"No, I'm just happy."

"Freaking retard."

I was happy when I graduated college...twice. I was happy when my daughters were born...twins. I was happy when they graduated college...together. I'm really freaking happy now that they left home finally and are living on their own.

"Bye! Don't forget to write. Call me!"

"Happy! Happy! Happy! Are they really finally gone?"

I was happy with every new car I bought and when driving my new car. I love cars. Only, I'm not so happy now that they are sticking the greed of gas prices up our asses and our happy president is doing nothing, absolutely nothing, about it. Hmmm, it makes me suspect that he's happy to see the prices so high. Now, that I think about it, the prices shot way up after he had that meeting with his Daddy's friends, the Saudi's.

I've been happy with every dog I ever owned. Dogs make me happy. I've had five dogs in my life. Dogs are four legs and a tail worth of happy licks and playful barks. I love dogs.

"Did you just pee on my sofa?"

Pardon me for telling you what you need to do, but you are reading my story. So, this is what you need to do to be happy.

1. Think happy thoughts. Yeah, I know it's not easy to always think happy thoughts. This isn't Disney World and you can't always go around singing Zippity Doo Da, but if you can avoid thinking negative thoughts and replace them with as many positive thoughts as you can and continue practicing to do that more each day, then you will be happier. Trust me; no one wants to be around a sourpuss, a whiner, and a complainer. We all have problems and don't need you to bring the rest of us down. Be happy.

2. Surround yourself with happy people. Seriously, this works. If you want muscles, surround yourself with bodybuilders. If you want to be fat, surround yourself with people who live to eat. If you want a drinking problem, surround yourself with drunks. Ergo, if you want to be happy, surround yourself with people who have a positive outlook on life and who are happy with their lives.

3. If you can't pull yourself out of the doldrums, maybe you need to talk to a professional. Maybe, you need a bit of mental health therapy. You may have a chemical imbalance. There are magic pills out there that can better adjust your mood and change your outlook. Aside from talking with a professional and taking antidepressant medication, there are other things that you can try to improve your mood and happiness level.

4. So many people say to get a hobby, something that you like to do to occupy your time. I have lots of hobbies and lots of interests. I have so many hobbies that I don't have time for them all. Instead of a hobby what you need is to find your passion. What it is that you love to do? Finding your passion will give you real happiness. I found my passion. I love to write. I may not be the best writer here, but few can match my creativity in coming up with story lines.

5. Do something for someone else. Listen, it's not all about you. You are unhappy, no doubt, because you pity yourself way too much. Woe is me. Replace woe is me with how much of a help can I be to someone else? You should have a problem. There is always someone worse off than you. Yeah, I know, I met a man with no shoes who was comparably happy because he met a man with no feet.

If you want to be happy, help someone who needs a helping hand. I feed the homeless every Sunday and there go I before God. I should have a problem. There are so many people who have absolutely nothing and they are happy, happier than you and happier than me sometimes. How can I not be happy in their presence? They are so thankful and so grateful for a hot meal and a place to sleep that they warm my heart. Give me a break. Stop complaining, get off your ass, and help someone. The act of helping someone who is less fortunate than you and who really needs a helping hand will give you happiness.

If you really want happiness, as I wrote above, you need to do something nice for someone. You can start by giving me a 5 vote for this story.

6. This by far is the most important single thing that will make you happy. No one should be alone. If you do not have someone in your life, then you need to find your special person. There is someone for everyone, even you.

Having your special someone is the one thing that can make you happy. If you have someone now and don't feel that magic that you should feel, then either you need to work at improving your relationship or you are with the wrong person.

You need someone who understands you and who loves you. You need that person who will do anything and everything for you to make you happy, as you will do for them.

You need a person to take a walk with, hug, kiss, and hold, watch television with, to talk to about everything, and to laugh at nothing. There is nothing better than being in love and there is nothing that can make you happier than making love with the one you love.

I'm lucky. I'm blessed. I don't know what I'd do without my wife, my best friend, and the love of my life. She makes me so happy.

Then, of course, there's my girlfriend. We have so much in common that it's unbelievable. I'd be lost without my girlfriend. I love her to death. She makes me so happy.

Without taking anything away from my wife and my girlfriend, there is my mistress. For those days that I'm horny, restless, and lonely and need to curl up with a warm naked, voluptuous sexy female body, I don't know what I'd do without her. I love my mistress.

God blessed me three times by giving me three beautiful women, my wife, my girlfriend, and my mistress.

Let me tell you...I'm a happy man and you deserve to be, too.

"Have a nice day."