Fellatio: Woman's Perspective

I love oral sex – both the giving and the receiving. In many ways I think that the sharing of oral sex is a much more intimate experience that traditional intercourse. Offering your genitals to your partner requires a tremendous amount of trust. The genitals are among the most tender and sensitive parts of your body. Rough treatment will almost always be, at the least unpleasant; at worst, painful. Sensitive stimulation, on the other hand, is almost always richly satisfying and rewarding. And I firmly believe that works both ways.

For the moment, however, let’s concentrate on fellatio – the classic word used to describe the sexual pleasure that a woman gives to a man’s genital area with her mouth and/or hands. Common terms include,

hand job, blowjob, going down

, or simply

oral sex

. Personally, I prefer fellatio. I just like the way it sounds.

I think the key to mind blowing fellatio is the desire of the woman. Fellatio is a gift I give to myself. I love it. The reality that my lover also loves it, is an added bonus. Please don’t misunderstand. I don’t think of myself as a selfish lover. I don’t think my lover feels that way either. However, one reason that he loves it so much, when I offer fellatio, is precisely because I love it so much. It is precisely because I love it so much that I am eager and willing to offer it to him.

I think we are only trying to fool ourselves in saying that sexual satisfaction is

all

about our partner. There are very few things in life, especially sexual pleasure, that are truly altruistic. The very best and most satisfying sexual experiences of my life have come with a partner who is mature and experienced; who clearly understands what is stimulating and provides pleasure to him; who is able, and willing to articulate his desires

and

who pays attention to me when I share what I find to be stimulating and pleasureful. We play together, to find ultimate satisfaction for ourselves

and

each other. Sure, a very large part of the pleasure that I receive in a satisfying sexual encounter comes from the pleasure that I know my lover is receiving, but I am also very invested in getting my needs met. When we can communicate effectively and thus offer each other what we desire, the results are always magnificently satisfying.

So, ladies, learn to like fellatio. No, not just like it; learn to love it. Both you and your lover will thank you for it.

Here are some tips.

First and foremost, think about the gift he is offering you. When your hands or your mouth are around his penis, he is at his most vulnerable. Is there anyone among us who doesn’t remember Lorena Bobbit? Think about it. When a man asks for fellatio, he is saying that he trusts you. That is a huge turn on for me. It speaks to the emotional connection that exists between us. I respond to that in a big way.

Before you begin, I think it is critical to know and trust your partner. Especially as you are beginning, you need to trust that you are in charge of this part of your lovemaking. Listen up here guys. If you want your partner to learn to love the giving of fellatio as much as you love the receiving of it, you need to let her control the show. If she feels like she’s in charge, her comfort level will increase. She will know that she is only doing what she wants, when and how she wants to. This is so important, especially in the beginning. So many women are concerned that they will gag, or choke up or otherwise do something embarrassing or hurtful. No one likes to find themselves in that situation, especially when making love.

So gentlemen, keep your hands away. Remain still. Let your lady set the pace. Your verbal endorsement of what you like and what you don’t is especially helpful in the beginning. Use your oral communication skills to direct her to what you find most stimulating. Once she begins to achieve a level of comfort, you can begin to get more involved physically.

Back to the ladies. If some of your concerns about fellatio revolve around the cleanliness of it, make that work for you. A soft cloth that is moist with warm water is a wonderful place to begin. You can even prepare it in advance and place it in a zip lock bag to have ready when you are. Washing your lovers genitals provides a fabulous starting point. Just make sure the temperature is neither too hot nor too cold. Be prepared for his response to begin immediately. It will depend on your touch, your lover’s attitude and the magic of the moment.

I love to begin with a flaccid penis. I love the feel of that soft, little penis inside my mouth. I am really turned on knowing that my mouth, my kisses, my tongue, my sucking, is creating my lover’s response. I love the feeling of his penis growing larger and larger in my mouth. Think about it, ladies. You’re running the show; directing the action. Isn’t that a turn on? It is for me.

Every penis is different. As you begin, take the time to get to know your lover’s penis. He will love the attention. Really look at it. Examine it. Impress into your memory the most unique and pleasing aspects of this part of your lover’s body. Talk to him about what you see and your response to it.

Every man will respond to your positive comments about his penis. They all love to hear, “Your penis is beautiful. Your penis is perfect for me. Your penis is so big and strong.” You get the idea. I’m not suggesting that you lie, but compliments on this part of his body, will further intensify his response to you.

And don’t forget his testicles and his ass. Many men don’t realize that sexual stimulation includes these parts of their body. Experiment. See what responses you are able to evoke.

As you begin this initial voyage of discovery, it will help tremendously if you and your lover talk to each other. Encourage him to tell you what he’s feeling, what he like likes and doesn’t like, being as specific as possible. Pay attention not only to the verbal message, but also the nonverbal cues. In the beginning, all this may seem contrived and forced, possibly even a bit uncomfortable, but I guarantee that in taking fellatio seriously, both partners will receive long-term benefits.

A few more ideas about technique.

Use a variety of different stimuli. You can encircle his penis with your whole hand. Or try taking it between just your thumb and first two fingers. You have your mouth, your tongue, your lips; just never your teeth, not even in jest. It’s not funny. Or your breasts. One advantage of large breast is the ability to cushion them around your man’s penis. With some lubricant, either natural or otherwise, the slipping and sliding between your breasts can be very stimulating.

Remember to vary the pressure. Alternate between a soft and gentle, barely there touch and something more firm and intentional. This one is a little trickier. Different men tolerate different amounts of pressure. Start out softly and build up slowly; all the while taking time to make sure that he is comfortable with the amount of pressure. But whatever his range is, use the full range. That will make it more pleasureful for you also. It’s tough to sustain the same touch over a period of time. If you vary it, he’ll usually enjoy it more and you’ll be able to go longer, which he surely will enjoy more!

One thing that I think is pretty universal with guys is “the slipperier the better.” Use a lot of moisture. The easiest is your saliva. Practice working it up in your mouth so that you can generate a significant amount on demand. Be aware that some different types of drugs, OTC or prescription, include dry mouth as a side effect. Check into yours. You may choose to ask your physician for other alternatives without that side effect. Artificial lubricants are always an option, but natural is always better in my opinion. Plus you never have to worry about the time or place. You’ll always have the right equipment with you to indulge your appetites in a quickie – anywhere.

Deep throating. Who among us hasn’t hear that term and flinched? Ladies, be honest. That one is a bit more unsettling. But guys absolutely love it. In most cases, unless you throat is just unusually deep and not particularly sensitive, deep throating must be learned through repeated practice. Like that guys? Don’t expect to take his penis into the back of your throat and tickle your tonsils the first time. Among all the different techniques in fellatio, deep throating takes time. And it requires a tremendous amount of trust. If you attempt to force this, gentlemen, it will more than likely backfire. Let your lady take as much as she can. If you are patient with her, encouraging her progress without demanding more that she can comfortable give at the moment, it will evolve naturally.

Ladies, relax. The more relaxed and comfortable you are, the more you will be able to take inside your mouth and down your throat. You might consider practicing with a banana before trying it on your lover. You

can

learn to control your gag reflex. It is both an automatic reflex and a controlled muscle function. It just takes practice.

After you have practiced enough to be comfortable taking his penis deep into your mouth, to the back of your throat, learn to move your mouth around his penis very slowly and gently. The sensation of his penis literally tickling the back of your throat with subtle movements, is a huge turn on for me. The fact that he enjoys it so, make it all that much more pleasureful.

And for those of you who are really comfortable, the best position for the greatest depth is coming toward your man, with the top of your head pointed toward his bottom. Think about it. You need to bypass his pubic bone for maximum penetration. If your face is toward his, your forehead will hit that bone before you can achieve maximum depth.

Here are two positions that work well.

Lie on your back on the bed, with your head at the very edge; maybe evenly slightly off the bed. Have your lover stand at the side of the bed. Ease your face between his legs and take the whole length of that beautiful pleasure tool into your warm and waiting mouth.

Or, have him lie on his back on the bed. You kneel to the side of him or even over his face; but with your head pointing to his feet. Bring your wet and welcoming mouth down onto the full length of his incredible penis.

Either way, I guarantee he’ll be delighted.

Those are the biggies to remember, from my perspective. A couple of other things.

Don’t forget his testicles. Although this is another area, where guys can be really different. The level of sensitivity in this area varies greatly between men. Start softly, building up slowly to the pressure that you learn he prefers.

The perineum. Girls, do you know what that is? The tiny strip of skin between your vulva and your anus. Guys have it too; between the bottom of their testicles and their anus. And behind that little area lies his prostate gland. Pressure here usually heightens the intensity of an orgasm. Try it. You may find you both like the results.

And of course, the ass. There are equally as many nerves around the tiny rosebud opening of an anus as there are on a penis or in a vulva. Some guys like to be stimulated there. Some hate it and don’t want you near it. Find out which preference your lover has. If it is the former, you can chose to use your fingers or even your mouth, to provide the same types of stimulation discussed earlier in relation to the penis. This though is definitely an area where the aforementioned warm cloth would come in handy.

Finally, before we conclude, we need to consider the climax. As you learn the fine art of what you and your man enjoy and find most pleasurable, you will find that you choose to engage in fellatio for the sheer pleasure of the act as part of your repertoire of lovemaking skills or as an end onto itself. Either way, or best of all, a combination of both, are wonderful.

Sometimes you may really want to offer your lover fellatio, but when it comes time for his orgasm, you may want him to come in your vagina. Tell him that. Let him know, if possible before the climax, that you have a preference. And guys, if that’s what she wants, respect her request and honor it.

Personally I love the feeling of my lover’s orgasm in my mouth. I can feel the hard contractions begin deep in his testicles. His penis grows even bigger than I ever imagine that it can be. I can feel the surge of semen coming through the full length of his penis and shooting out into my mouth. And then as, his body quiets, I can feel the last little contractions signaling the final release. It is a very powerful moment. The vulnerability and trust between us is the most incredibly satisfying feeling.

To swallow or not to swallow – that is the question. I’d say that most guys don’t really care one way or the other at this point. From my perspective, swallowing is cleaner and easier, but hey, if that’s not your thing, this is another spot where that warm cloth might come in handy. If you swallow, don’t forget that there can be considerable differences in the taste of semen. From man to man, from one period of life to another, there can be a marked difference. That’s normal and natural and not cause for concern.

One more thing. Your orgasm. Ladies, with fellatio you can go either way. There are clearly positions that can allow your man to stimulate your genitals with either his hand or mouth simultaneously. If that’s what you want at that moment, go for it. I would encourage you to occasionally choose to concentrate on his orgasm. My focus on the physical sensations of my lover’s orgasm is a huge part of the pleasure that I receive in fellatio. I find it changes the experience considerably, if I am moving toward orgasms also. Buy hey, life is short. Make room for it all. And guys, if that’s what she says she wants, respect her request. This is not the time to try to persuade her differently. Believe me, if both of you work this right, there will be plenty more opportunities for other orgasmic experiences for you to share.