Note: To the folks that have been asking, yes, the missing entries are on purpose. These are excerpts from my blog where I try to post at least one thing a day, so sometimes they come out a bit redundant. So, to avoid repetition and such, I try to keep posting only the more significant entries, here. Thanks for asking!
*****
The only thing that we can ever directly control is ourselves. We do not control the submissive. It's a difficult lesson for us to wrap our minds around. But, in my experience, our success as a dominant is contingent on cultivating the admittedly counterintuitive attitude.
As dominants, we pride ourselves on our effect on others, on what we can make them do or feel. But to practice that craft in a sane way, we acknowledge this. If we don't, we begin to chase a certain result. We begin to calculate, 'What will make this person do this? What will make this thing happen?' And then we are lost.
Because you're following something, at that point. And you can't lead and follow at the same time; you end up chasing your tail. It becomes a cycle of you displaying the behaviors that you think the submissive will respond well to, and the whole process will become an unguided morass. You're putting her in charge when it's the last thing either of you want.
That's why it's necessary to remain detached from the result, to an extent. You provide a structure, a space for them, and allow them to react, and then continually modify and shape it. But have to remain aloof from it. It's a process of cultivation. Your will and hers must remain distinct, you might say, for them to produce the harmony of one being dominant and another being submissive.
Another reason is that that space can become quite claustrophobic if you allow too little space inside it for the submissive to express herself and to respond to your stimulus. They need to participate actively, and that means having a range of motion. So whatever you demand from them has to allow some perceptible level of variation that is hers.
For example, in Gorean protocol, there isn't just a single 'kneeling' posture, but several, all fairly precise in specifics, such as the angle of the head, the eyes, where and how the hands are positioned, the width of the knees, etc. So, you would think that such a precise protocol would be quite stifling to the individual. But the truth was that it was so structured that all the tiny nuances in the movement that took a girl from standing to kneeling, and all the tiny, usually ignored aspects of their physical expression became quite noticeable. And as a result no two girls would adopt the same posture in exactly the same way. This is why you see many expressing finding a sense of freedom in this structure.
I knew some masters and slaves who were into geisha style protocol, and these people were amazing. Every motion, quite literally, was elegant, and flowing, so that asking a girl to pour you tea was like giving her an opportunity to perform a kind of ballet.
The specific aesthetics may vary from person to person, but this is the attitude that must be cultivated. Your commands are giving a submissive an opportunity to perform. You asking something of her is giving something to her.
