A Tongue Lashing An Essay

A Tongue Lashing: An Essay On The Game Of Oral Stimulation

"Seriously, this was the best oral sex I have ever had performed on me and as you know I have been licked by the best. I just wish he'd stop calling me."

- Jenna Jameson

"I was blind folded in a kind Pepsi Challenge for pussy lickers and I actually picked him over some of the best lesbian pussy lickers on the planet earth."

-- anonymous lesbian

"I never thought a tongue could replace a good stiff cock, but goddamn his tongue is worth a thousand cocks."

- - paid advertisement

"I always knew he'd amount to something like this just by the way he used to lick a popsicle."

- - author's mother

"With so many young girlfriends I had to turn to the master for help. I just didn't understand why he had to show me 'personally' on each and every girl."

- - Hugh Hefner

"You must have ze passion for ze oral sex," Dr. Will Lickinzer of the Tung Sex Institute of Ames, Iowa said. "It is ze key to performance. If you don't love ze pussy, the pussy won't love you back."

I have to agree with the good Doc about having a passion for performing oral sex on a woman. Like anything in life when you perform with a passion you perform to your utmost. Think how you feel when a woman performs oral sex on you and you know she's really into it. There's nothing quite like it. So why wouldn't a woman want to feel the same way? You could make the argument that men are always ready and into it, but that doesn't mean they are prepared.

So how do you get prepared? Study and practice. Bone up on your reading about oral sex. You can find an infinite amount on the internet. Watch porn films where women perform on other women. Who would know better and what better way to learn? And it's a turn on.

Then you have to practice and experiment. What other subject can top cunnilingus for preparation and practice. I can't think of any.

Just think of it as a baseball game. There's no clock running and if you have to go into extra innings it only means you'll have more chances to hit a home run. It's the bottom of the ninth, the score is tied, there are two outs, the bases are loaded and your up to bat...swing for the fences.

First base: Don't rush

Starting out can be the most important part of the game. Relaxation is the key here. Getting a woman to relax before performing oral sex on her can make all the difference. Offer a back massage or a foot massage or rub her shoulders. Make this act as sensual as possible. And I don't mean substituting your penis for your hands. If you are really into your woman you'll already know what I mean. Hell, rubbing her fucking calves is a turn on, baby. If you understand that then you are on your way. If not...WORK ON IT This is your gateway to more sex.

On your path to relaxation let's just say you choose a foot massage to get your woman in the mood. I've found the best position is to let your woman sit in a nice, plush chair behind you while sit on the floor in front of her. This way she can drape her legs over your shoulders, you have easy access to both of her feet and she can watch, say, a movie with Johnny Depp in it. As much as you hate watching the little fag if it gets her in the mood...fuck it, watch too.

I use baby oil because it's so much cheaper than some of those massage oils, but if money is of no consequence, then knock yourself out with scented oils.

I start with one foot at a time, draping it over the appropriate shoulder. Cup one hand, fill it with a modest amount of oil, rub both hands together and then lather the foot so your fingers slid easily over the skin and between the toes. The easier your hand and fingers slid the easier it is on your lower arms. Rub the oil into all parts of the foot; in between the toes, the Achilles tendon, the ball of the foot, the heel, in between the ankle bones and into the arch (the most sensitive and erogenous part of the foot). Alternate between both feet for at least twenty minutes or more. Remember, this is not a race. Take your time and don't rush. The more you're into it, the more she'll be into it.

Second Base: Don't Forget The Breasts

Once the massaging part of your seduction is over towel her feet dry of oil. Once that is done you turn around and, surprise, you are already between her legs. Now don't get ahead of yourself here. We're still in seduction mode. Move slowly up her torso, kissing her body like she's the hottest woman on earth. And by God, at that point, if she isn't then you need a lobotomy. While you're kissing your way up her body take time to pause and look her over. Look at her like your ten years old and it's Christmas morning and you just opened a present you wanted but never, in a million years, thought you would get. She could be dressed in an old tee, pajama bottoms and white socks, but to you it's Victoria's Secret.

Move close to her face and kiss her with a controlled passion. Kiss her to let her know you are so turned on you can barely control yourself; but this is about her so you are in control because the only thing that matters is pleasing her. Kiss her and in your mind pretend it is her pussy. Give her a taste of what is about to come.

Move back and look her body over once again, moving you hands over her. Not groping, but caressing, working your way down to her breasts. Move her top up over her breasts, feel them, caress them, run your tongue over them paying particular attention to the nipples. Lick around the areola, over the nipple, along the underside of the breast. Lightly rake your teeth over the nipple if she likes that. Cup them in your hands (if she likes them handled a bit more roughly please accommodate), roll the nipples between your fingers, suck it into your mouth and flick the nipple with your tongue. Alternate back and forth. Never underestimate the erogenous nature of the breast and nipple.

Now kiss you way down to the top of her pajama bottoms, maybe taking the material in your teeth and pulling them down. Reach around to the sides and slowly remove them. Take time to stare at her panties; stare at them because you know what's underneath. Cup your hand over the pelvic bone and press against the heat of her warm pussy. Slid your hand down to feel her lips under the material; feel the slight dampness. Move your face closer and run your tongue over the same area. Push your face into her vulva, all the while sliding your fingers under the sides of her panties and slowly inching them down until they are around her knees. Move back, looking at her and slid her panties of the rest of the way.

Third Base: That Beautiful Pussy

Now that her beautiful pussy is exposed just take a good long look at it; savor it because in a matter of seconds you will be up close and personal with God's greatest creation.

Remember that no two pussies are alike. They all have their own beauty about them. It's your job to find what's beautiful about the pussy staring you in the face. Maybe it has long lips or tight lips or a hooded clit or an exposed clit. Whatever it is...let her know.

The inside of a woman's thighs are two things: soft and very sensitive. They are a great starting and ending point. There is plenty of area to start getting her in the mood. Lick all around the thighs and every once in awhile skim or breath heavily over the vulva. There is absolutely no rush to get to the clit. Trust me, it will wait. Always keep in mind the sooner you jump in the sooner it will end. If your like me you love satisfying your woman orally and I'm never in a hurry to get it over with. I, literally, could spends hours down there.

After you have paid ample attention to the area in and around her pussy - and remember if your woman is one who doesn't mind her anal area attended to, and you're up for it, give that some well deserved attention - and you're finally ready to lick that pussy just remember variety is the spice of cunnilingus. Don't think of her pussy as just her clit as the main source of orgasm. Sure, that may be the way she comes, but there's so many other things you can do to lead up to that point. You have ten fingers, or eight fingers and two thumbs, so put them to good use. Use them to insert, spread, rub, flick, caress and stroke. Rub your face over her. Some women like clean shaven men, some may like a day old growth of beard. Performing good oral sex on a woman is so much more than just using your tongue.

But let's face it, the tongue is your main weapon. So let's move on to some techniques. Try opening your mouth like you're saying "Oh" and then place over the clit. From here you can move your tongue back and forth, up and down. Pretend you're giving her pussy a French kiss. Pretend it's her mouth and her clit is her tongue. Move your tongue over her clit in long strokes. Move back and position your mouth at a different angle, or a different location. Move your mouth over the vaginal opening and push your tongue in as far as you can. Move your mouth down to her perineum and tongue the area between the ass and her lips. The best advice I ever heard about licking a pussy came from a woman - some porn queen I think - she said, "Lick that pussy like you're licking an ice cream cone." If you can remember that simple fact you'll do alright. Nice long strokes of your tongue up and down the length. And remember an ice cream cone eventually starts to melt so you have to lick it sideways and quicker strokes and sometimes you have to put your lips over the top and suck it in.

Some women like more friction on the clit and some like less. Some like your tongue stuck inside and some don't. Some like their lips sucked into your mouth, some don't. It's your job to know what works and what doesn't. Nothing is a bigger turn on than hearing a woman moan when you've done something right. Of course don't stick with that for too long. Experiment, she ain't gonna mind.

Eventually get your fingers involved for the finale. Get enough salvia in and around the vulva so when you finally decide to slid a finger in, it will slid in easily. No wasted motion. If your fingers are long enough search for the infamous G-spot. If you find it you'll be a God among men. And women. If your woman likes a finger in her anus then slid one in there too. But if your woman doesn't like a finger or two inside her, then just continue on with your tongue.

Home Run: Home Run

By this time you should be able to determine if your woman is ready to climax or not. Of course heavy breathing and moaning, grabbing the sides of your head and thrusting hips would also be key indicators. I think this is the most crucial time. Crucial because it can either make or break the intensity of the orgasm. There is no substitute for repetition here. If you've performed on one woman many times you will already know what works best. If not, as long as you've put in the time prior, the first time can be fantastic in its own way.

So you sense it is time for your woman to come. Some women like the tempo increased, some might just like a light flicking of the tongue over her clit, or maybe she likes your tongue pressed flat against the entire clitoral area, moving your tongue back and forth, moving your fingers in and out until she comes. I love this part other than I know it's coming to an end.

Some women may get sensitive just like men do after they come. Some women are ready for more. If your woman is multi-orgasmic then you may just be getting started. Some women - since you're in a perfect position - like to have you enter them right after the orgasm because it will intensify the aftereffects and could lead to another orgasm from the inside. You should be so lucky.

After the dust has settled let your woman know that was fantastic. No words are needed. Go back to licking and kissing her thighs, grateful for the privilege to be that close to the holiest of holies; grateful she has let you please her in such an intimate way; grateful you're such a team player.