We have received several emails asking Jimmy and me what sex act brings a woman the greatest pleasure? We've agree on an answer that we will post just after September 1, but we're delaying until then because, with so readers on vacation in August, this is an ideal moment for a self-taught summer school course in sexual pleasure. As the theory goes, give a man and woman a fish and they won't be hungry for a day; teach them how to fish and they won't be hungry for the rest of their lives. We're starting with the woman in a three part course: a lecture, a homeward assignment, and finally our answer to the question. That might surprise you and change your definition of a woman's sexual ecstasy--or you might disagree completely. The point is that by the time you've read the lecture and done your homework, you should be well on the way to answering the question for yourselves.
One note before beginning. What follows is quite technical. It addresses issues that can be embarrassing to speak about. However, a woman shouldn't be embarrassed about her body. She should celebrate, it realizing that the more she knows about how it works, the more pleasure she will get from sex. Great sexual experiences do not fall out of the sky. They are the result of knowing your body and how it is aroused. They are also the by product of trust, love, and commitment between two people. The frankness that follows will be relatively worthless is these qualities do not exist between you and your lover.
The lecture
A disclaimer: Every woman is wired differently. What turns me (Celeste) on, may not do a thing for you. When Jimmy sticks his tongue in my ear, or sucks on my toe next to the pinky on my right foot, or presses gently at the point where my carotid artery passes over my chin line, I see stars. In addition to what follows, every woman should take an inventory of her body to discover you own individual pleasure points.
That having been said, There are three major pleasure points in all women's bodies, located within inches of each other below the navel: your anus, your g-spot, and your clitoris. It's important that you understand them and how they work together. Your first homework assignment this summer is to learn to appreciate your body and how you can make it happy. Read this lesson and follow its instructions. Use plenty of lube when doing this exploring, making sure your fingernails are trimmed and filed, or covered
1. Your anus (asshole). Most of these pleasure sensors are located in the little furrow between your outer and inner sphincters. Take your finger and slowly, gently insert it into your ass. Touch along the wall for something that feels like a rubber band. That is your outer sphincter. Push forward unit you meet resistance. That is your inner sphincter. The outer is a voluntary muscle that you can control; the inner is an involuntary muscle that needs to be trained to relax. It is pushing through the inner without training or practice that causes pain, sometimes extreme pain. There are several suggestions in the Guide for this training. The use of toys is particularly helpful.
Remaining outside the inner sphincter, run your pointer finger around the furrow, first clockwise and then counterclockwise. Welcome to a surge of pleasure you may not have known existed. If your inner is trained or if your willing to endure the temporary pain, push through into the rectum. There are no pleasure points beyond the sphincters; it's all smooth, form fitting tissue, but it gives you, and your lover, that feeling of fullness when his penis is in it. If you're truly brave, or have trained over the summer, insert your middle finger as well. Slowly scissor open your anus using the two fingers to experience the pleasure an erect penis brings to this area.
Before leaving your hole, insert your thumb into your vagina and your pointer finger into your anus. Trying rubbing them together and you will find that your can't. What separates them is a thin but extremely tough membrane through which nothing passes. When you're enjoying anal sex, there's nothing in the rectum itself that brings pleasure. It's the angle of penetration that permits the penis to press against your g-spot with this membrane between that brings pleasure.
2. Your g-spot. This can be hard to find, but it's probably the most important spot in your body to locate. It's a rough, uneven little patch that feels a little bit like corduroy when you rub your finger across it. It's located two or three inches into your vagina on the outer wall, the one closest to your surface skin. To find it, take your middle finger or your middle and pointer fingers and insert it/them into your vagina. Make a "come here" sign with them, moving them toward the palm of your hand. Move your fingers around until you find your g-spot. It may take time, but your patience will be rewarded with a lifetime of pleasure. I remember when I made contact with mine for the first time. If you've ever touched a short-circuited appliance or received a shock when changing a light bulb, think of that feeling and reduce it by maybe three quarters. That's what I felt. Once you've found your g-spot, show your lover exactly where it is and have him touch it as well. Pressing against it with his penis should be the Holy Grail for him and he needs to know exactly where he should aim.
The problem with the g-spot is that it is difficult to access from any man-on-top position. A g-spot stimulator looks a little bit like a fish hook. There probably aren't many penises with that shape. That's why the approach from the rear, doggie style, is so popular. That at least allows for incidental contact between the penis and the g-spot. Anal entry is even better. Look at a cross-section rendering of a woman's anatomy and you'll see that penis contact with the g-spot is just a question of angles and vectors, simple physics.
3. Your clitoris. Maybe the most misunderstood organ in a woman's body. Every woman knows where the nub of her clitoris is. It's the little protrusion at the apex of your vagina tha, when stroked, helps to produce an orgasm. Between 70 and 80 percent of women say that they can't experience an orgasm without this stimulation. What many couples don't know is that 85% of the clitoris lies beneath the skin and is shaped somewhat like a turkey or chicken wishbone. Its arms extend down the rims of your vagina ending near your anus. Stroking the arms produce a a gentle, wave like pleasure for a woman that is often overlooked.
Sadly, the pleasure of stimulating the arms of the clitoris are not available to every woman. You don't have to be skinny to find them, but a woman who is seriously overweight won't be able to as two of the first places fatty tissue accumulates are around the lips of the vagina and the anus. If you want a good reason to eat fruits and vegetable and exercise regularly, remember this. Not only will you feel better and probably live longer, but the pleasure you get from sex will ramp up significantly. This, incidentally, is the answer to the old question of why thin women seem to enjoy sex more: the arms of their clits are being stimulated during insertion.
For a guy to be a great lover, he has to master the complexities his penis, which can be a misunderstood as a woman's clit. From a sensual--not psychological--point of view, its length doesn't matter. As a matter of, the longer you are, the more careful you have to be about bruising your partner. This is especially true if you "bottom out" in either her vagina or rectum. You're not going to touch anything in a woman's body that give her pleasure beyond her g-spot and that is located only two or three inches inside her vagina. Thickness, on the other hand, girth, matters a great deal as a thick dick stimulates either the arms of the clitoris or the anal ring during intercourse. There probably is no such thing as too thick a dick. Don't despair if you haven't been gifted with one. One of the great toys available to men is a condom with little nubs extending out from it if you're practicing safe sex or a ribbed sleeve with both ends open if you're not. Wear it once and you'll wear it all the time. Remember, however, that slamming in and out of either the vagina or anus with it on produces only incidental contact with either the arms or ring and that isn't what drives a woman to distraction. That happens when you S-L-O-W-L-Y AND SHALLOWLY insert yourself, withdraw, and repeat.
The shape of your penis is also important. Does your penis stick straight out or is it curved pointing back to your belly button or down toward your knees? One of the keys to great sex is your ability to massage your lover's g-spot with your penis and it's shape should determine your position. If you stick straight out and are flexible you can adopt any position you want. If you're rigidly curved toward you belly button, woman on top works best. If you're rigidly curved toward the floor, reverse cowgirl (the woman sitting on top but facing away from you) might be best.
In addition to girth and shape, the you need to come to grips (!) with the pleasure centers on your penis and your ability to control your ejaculation. A man's pleasure points are just as concentrated as a woman's. If you doubt this, grab your penis at its base and jerk it. Nothing will happen because there are no pleasure points beneath the two key ones: some in the head, but particularly the frenulum, which is the hinge located just below the head on the underside. Grab the skin covering it between your thumb and forefinger, massage there, and you'll understand. Deep throating may produce an orgasm just as bottoming out may, but that is only because of incidental contact of the throat with these pleasure points. A throw your head back and scream blow job is the result you lover nibbling at the frenulum, very gently scraping her teeth across it, or massaging it with her tongue.
It's also important for a guy to understand how to control the timing of his ejaculation. To learn about this, research "Kegels for men." This involves the training the muscle that controls you ability to stop and go when urinating. Like any muscle, training strengthens it. With a little effort on your part, you can delay your ejaculation and cum at the same time as your partner. Be sure, however, to put the brakes on early. If you don't, you'll experience the unpleasantness of penile "dry heaves" where the muscles that control your ejaculation spasm but nothing comes out. That's the end of your interest in sex for a while.
