Tantric traditions, similar to the teachings of the Kama Sutra, have been spoken of as if they only have to do with sex--however, Tantric practices have shifted since their original, more hedonistic approach to life, into something that is more connected and accepted by today's society.
Originally, the Tantric philosophy was an attempt to reconnect to rejected ancient Hindu practices that had become taboo. The hope was that accessing these different pieces of culture that had been banned would open a path to a deeper connection with eternal consciousness. The hope was to use the body as a connection to deeper consciousness and spirituality; the manipulation of which would elicit a more spiritual self. This included the heavy use of illicit substances: alcohol, marijuana and hallucinogens were all massive parts of the culture. Beyond the sexual aspects, there were also much more extreme practices like animal and human sacrifice, dark magic spells and the worship of violent deities.
They professed grand benefits like immortality and regarded women as God's incarnate, though their treatment of them was less than humane.
That was he old Tantric world. It was a lawless counter-culture focused on manipulation of the body through ritual and taboo. So, how much of the modern Tantric practices represent those hedonistic and magical ideas? Very little, thankfully. The modernized, Western adaptation of Tantric practices left most of the more colorful pieces back in the first millennia. But it did bring the good pieces-pieces that allow for the maximum intimate connection between two people.
In the West, it has become big business. The tag of "tantra" brings a sense of special, foreign sexual experience. It seems exotic almost. But in reality, it could not be more individual to the person. It is less of a foreign practice than it is the application of foreign ideas to a sexual experience. Modern Tantric sex and expression has its roots in yoga more than the philosophy of tantra. Everyone knows someone who does yoga. But before there is the act, there is the context. Introducing the idea of a Tantric relationship is a very natural and vulnerable proposal that can make all the difference in the connection between two people. Modern relationships tend to have a barrier between the two people, often placed in the name of individuality. Practicing individuality within a relationship is often very important and should not be undone.
Being in a relationship does not mean there is no more self. However, a relationship allows the potential to be more than one: more than the sum of two parts. Tantric practices work to unlock that potential and connect the consciousness of two people. It does not work to erode the barrier between the individual; rather, it looks to ritualistically circumvent it. Instead of destroying the wall and merging, Tantric practices are like two people digging a tunnel under it. Neither is positive where the other is, but they're looking. They unite in a moment, only to return back to their side of the wall. Tantric practices are the shovels and seismometers you need to dig the tunnel. They take time and effort, emotional openness and clarity in a moment. The goal is never an orgasm, though that may be a piece of it. Rather, it is the connection of two souls into one. Living a conscious life is difficult in itself, especially alone. To live consciously is to live in a moment unmeasured. Some associate it with the famous "Ego death" achieved through excessive hallucinogens--an experience of life outside space, time, and the self.
Living consciously could be the subject of an entirely different book, pursued through art, meditation and knowledge. The Tantric partner works to encourage that pursuit of consciousness. Their job is to help you get to a place of conscious experience beyond the rigorous expectations of life. They aren't a safety net or retreat, rather they are a partner in exploration and a loving presence. Encouraging gratification, loving expression and giving are all their tools of consciousness and embrace. What is shared when the tunnels connect? In short, love, energy, and connection to unlimited consciousness. Tantric union is an extremely vulnerable process and should only be done with someone you can feel open with. At the end of the experience is bliss and ecstasy.
Tantric relationships are like peeling layers of each other off until you get to the core of the other being, stitching wounds and memories of the past, learning and exploring with two people in a vulnerable and intimate setting. Your partner becomes a mirror to the self, triggering deep pain and joy simultaneously. It reveals intrinsic potential you have burning within you, independent of labels and definitions of the self.
A Tantric relationship focuses on unlocking that flame and fanning it to be as strong and bright as possible. It is not something that can be achieved through a single ritual; this is not a single ritual. It is a continuous experience, day to day that goes beyond the bedroom and works to affirm the self.
Daily Tantric Practices
But like every intimate relationship, there is a sexual component. It just happens in the context of this larger, more connected and intimate experience. Tantric practices incorporate ritual into a relationship, allowing for a foundation that can be leaned on in difficult times. There are a few things you can do to incorporate Tantric practices into your relationship. See if they work for you!
1. FIVE THINGS YOU LIKED
This affirmation practice is one of the best ways to start the day. It takes three minutes at most, provides lasting connection and grounding in the relation- ship, and increases communication. Not only do all of these help with the sex in a relationship, they also improve the relationship overall by facilitating loving connection. Very quickly, when you're in a relaxed moment in bed, at the table, or after a game, exchange five things you enjoyed about the time you both had together. These can be anything -simple and sweet, deep and profound. The important thing is that you feel connected in that moment, that each one is different, and that both parties participate. Doing this practice on a regular basis creates a foundation for mutual appreciation and affirmation, deepening love and connection to one another. It is so much reward for very little effort! Try it next time you see your significant other.
2. FIVE-MINUTE CHECK IN
This practice focuses on fanning the flames of the
individual. It is a way to get your partner to tune into themselves, the moment, and the world around them. You're the facilitator for them and they, you. It includes the relationships, but primarily the focus is on the entirety of life and their being. As the one they trust and can be vulnerable with, it is a quick update. In less than five minutes, provide answers to a few questions. These can be independently designed, of course. But a few good places to start would be:
1. How are you doing in life?
