Zee walked into the room, uncertain of what she would find. The darkness of the dungeon held mysteries to be discovered. Fear crept up as she expected to meet freaks of all kinds. Shock settled into surprise as people warmly invited her into the activities of the dungeon and amicably answered all of her questions and curiosities.
"Why am I here?" Zee wondered. Much of her life had been filled with disconnecting her from her authentic self from the sake of others as a form of protection. Protection that often came out in angry outbursts that she felt deep shame at being unable to control. Perhaps the rigid structure and discipline of the dungeon is what drew her in. Nonetheless, she had arrived at the dungeon and intended to make the most of her time.
Habitually hiding in the corner, Zee observed her surroundings with immense curiosity. Memories of her past began to flash before her eyes involuntarily. As an immigrant, her mother did her best to provide her with all of her basic needs, such as food and housing. However, emotionally Zee persistently felt disconnected. She would cry, only to have her mom tell her she was over-exaggerating the situation or attempt to appease her with food. Zee gradually began to pull away from her mother, which became the blueprint for her interactions in all of her current relationships. She would never initiate a conversation. She would hide her interests from others. She would be afraid of embracing her true self for fear of continued rejection.
Back at the dungeon, Zee affirmed that she was choosing to follow her own desires and interests for once. She moved toward the activities that interested her, such as bondage and power dynamics. One dominant, Em, took a particular interest in her and engaged her in a conversation.
"What brings you here?" Em asked warmly.
"Um... I think I like bondage and want to explore that" Zee looked away as she spoke, fearing that directly looking at Em would make her confront the truth of her desires.
"Bondage is great! What if we explored that together?" Em responded, looking at Zee with a calm presence that made Zee feel both fearful of getting hurt again and relief at being engaged with positively.
Zee turned to face Em and whispered "Okay" with a quiet excitement.
Em brought Zee into a private room and began asking exploratory questions:
"What do you like about bondage?"
"I like the sensation of feeling constrained and the paradoxical freedom that comes with having my choices limited." Zee replied with a distant gaze in her eyes.
Em laughed, "That's a great philosophical response, what would you want to explore today?"
Zee paused to consider this question. She was not used to others asking her about her own needs and desires. "I think I would be interested in exploring the sensation of feeling held down and exposed. Maybe with some cuffs since I am new to this."
"Lucky for you, I delight in restraining people and making them feel exposed" Em expressed enthusiastically with a devil-ish smile. "Let's look around to see what might be interesting for both of us." Em guided Zee.
Zee stumbled around looking at every implement that appeared before her. There were paddles of different types, some round, some square, some even had holes in them! There were also these weird sticks with little bits of leather at the end. Zee had never seen that before and wondered what they were for.
"See something you like?" Zee jumped as Em approached her from behind.
"Oh, um, yeah, what are these sticks used for?" Zee asked inquisitively.
"These are called riding crops. Originally, they were used to correct racing horses when they misbehaved. They seem to work on humans as well, want to try it?" Em winked. Zee's face turned bright red as the warmth of her own blood rushed to her face as she began to nod unconsciously.
"Great!" Em smiled as she picked out a long and black riding crop off of the bucket in front of her.
"I can see that you're bouncing from excitement, but before we begin let's talk about your limits." Em's tone became more serious.
Zee felt the warmth in her cheeks increase even more as her face gradually began to look like a ripe tomato.
"Um, I don't think I'm into breath play. I also don't do well with needles or more sharp objects. I really like power play and being submissive." Zee's pupils began to expand as she described the details of her desires.
"Thanks for communicating your interests and limits. That helps me better understand how to engage with you." Zee lit up as she felt a dopamine hit hijack her brain in response to the positive feedback from Em.
"I value communication during play and it's important to me that you communicate with me if anything is uncomfortable or brings you to a bad headspace. If you really need the play to stop, your safe word will be 'mercy', otherwise, it will be up to my discretion how to respond to your discomfort. Sometimes the discomfort will be intentional and will be kept as is, but other times it may be unintentional and it's important for me to have continued feedback about your experience during our time together." Em explained, providing examples of different situations where she might make adjustments and might not.
Zee nodded to express her understanding and agreement.
Em directed Zee to take off her clothes and fold them neatly in the corner of the room. Afterward, Em directed Zee to kneel in the center of the room facing away from the door with her palms facing up on her lap.
As Zee followed Em's directions, she began to feel exposed and a little nervous.
"Good job!" Em approved of Zee's receptiveness to direction, calming some of Zee's initial nerves.
Zee watched as the room turn into darkness when Em slid a blind fold over her eyes. The strap of the blind fold dug softly into the hair on the back of her head and she began to panic at the loss of control and began moving her hands up to the blindfold and away from her original position.
