"You ask me if I love you -- I don't, and never will. You ask me if there's a future for us -- I haven't a clue. Who knows what's going to happen? Shit most likely. Shit'll happen, so make the most of what time you've got in this world."
I was standing just inside her house, her rundown little house, her untidy little house: shabby dΓ©cor, peeling wallpaper, damp and mouldy in places. Neglected, overgrown front garden.
All she was wearing was a cream-coloured flannel dressing gown spotted randomly with unidentifiable stains -- she was naked underneath, naked for me.
She, Millie, was early forties, pretty much middle-aged, pale, overweight, lonely, depressed most of the time, and plain to the point of being ugly: beady little brown eyes too close together set in a pudgy round face with a snub nose and flared nostrils with a double chin. Her hair was mousey brown, badly styled, lank and shoulder length. She had a large pale-brown age spot on her right cheek.
"Okay, you want to talk, want to know where you stand, want to know what I really think. Alright I'll tell you," I said.
She nodded.
"Well, the truth of the matter is that I think you're an aging desperate slut who gets fucked when she can, as often as she can, and with whomever she can. You're also a masochist who craves being beaten and shagged up the arse which you're probably highly embarrassed or ashamed about..."
I watched her face redden.
"But I like whipping and degrading you because I have a sadistic side to me. Also, I don't have to try with you, impress you or be false with you. It's purely carnal and depraved. I don't care if you say you're going to dump me because you never will, you'll always come back because you need what I do to you. You're like a drug addict, and I'm the drug. Neither of us will ever be faithful to each other nor anyone else for that matter. Domestic and monogamous bliss doesn't happen to people like us. This is as good, or as bad, as it gets.
Understand?
"
A tear ran down her cheek, but I never gave a damn. Never really gave a damn about anything except the moment.
"Right, let's get on with it, I haven't got all day. Get upstairs and take your dressing gown off -- I'm going to thrash the hell out of you, you...
slut.
"
She turned and walked up the stairs to her bedroom. I followed behind.
The bedroom smelt of damp and was quite cluttered with cardboard boxes except for a small, cleared area where a footstool had been placed.
In front of me she removed her dressing gown whilst I watched, and she watched me watch. Her body was pale and flabby, and her large shapeless tits with long extended puffy nipples hung almost down to her navel. Her limbs were quite podgy -- she clearly had never exercised a day in her life. She had more than her fair share of moles too of varying sizes distributed all over her skin.
From where I was standing, I could also smell stale sweat -- she only showered about once a week. I could also detect a 'ripe' aroma emanating from her hairy and unkempt vagina. She knew I hated her lack of hygiene, so I guess she did it to wind me up, to make me beat her harder -- and her ploy, if it was a ploy, worked.
She was revolting and I could see why she targeted drunk, desperate, and older guys who had no scruples or standards. I also wondered if underneath a part of me hated a part of myself, that maybe God was laughing at me, at us all...
I shook myself out of my reverie and picked up the leather flogger, her prized possession, from the top of the peeling, white painted, bedroom drawers.
"Get into position," I ordered. "I'm going to
fucking
hurt you, you worthless, fat and
ugly
bitch."
She complied with my orders, got down on her knees and shifted awkwardly into position with her flabby white arms supporting her fat upper body that appeared more slumped than resting on the blue cushion of the footrest.
I then brought the flogger down with full force across her expansive pale back.
She flinched with the pain, but didn't yell out, and red fingers from the leather falls slowly appeared across her flesh. It made me feel good,
very
good -- I loved hurting her.