What Now?

The time is now! I was worried that after my divorce that I might never have sex again, for a short period of time. As I sat on the plane with that funky taste in my mouth. My holes were sore but if I am being honest with myself, it is the first time I felt really alive. I felt useful to someone.

I was trying to understand myself and why I felt the need to be used. Likely because my ex made me have sex every day whether I wanted it or not. I had been conditioned to feel a squishy wet cunt.

I was quite nervous that other people could smell cum on my breath or whatever was dripping out of me. I had never felt like more of a woman though. Disgusted and proud of myself at the same time. I hated the fact that my nipples were so hard but helped me to understand that my brain is out of touch with my body. I needed my brain to catch up to my body.

Once I landed, I decided to see if I could meet someone while I was there. I would have to figure out how to make that happen. Thank god for side doors and a sister to takes sleeping pills!

I again, used Yahoo Messenger to find someone who wanted to spend some time with me, well really inside me. This time, I needed to be smart and use condoms. Some guy named Chris was going to come over around 2:30 am after I knew my sister was out like a light. I invited him downstairs in front of the fire place and we got naked. No small talk, it was more like he said "you need to be naked so I can use you". I disrobed and laid on the floor and it felt like he started chewing on my clit. He was fully clothed and just kept spreading my legs and watching me grow wetter.

I have expected someone else to come in but that did not happen. He stuck two fingers inside me and was finger fucking me quite hard, his fingers were curled upwards and all of a sudden, my pussy squirted so hard as I came. He looked at me as if he was saying "that is your cunt is supposed to do".

Then he stood up and left. Aaargh.. what the hell? I was so frustrated as I wanted to get fucked. I went back to Yahoo Messenger and he was not there. I had to go back and clean up the rug and then went to bed. I was so disappointed that he didn't want to stay with me.

I slept for a few hours while being disappointed in myself and the fact that I was not good enough for Chris. I didn't sign into Yahoo Messenger because I felt hurt and embarassed. Sister and I spent time shopping and going to Calgary for a hockey game. The game was done around 8 pm so now we drive back home. I could not talk about my gushing pussy to my sister but I definitely thought about it.

I signed into Yahoo Messenger on my phone because I wanted to feel like I did last night. Chris was already there. I felt butterflies in my stomach and quickly turned off the volume. I told him that I would be at home within a few hours. He asked if I liked how I felt last night. I thought of the orgasm and not the desertion.

Then he told me that I was unappreciative and disrespectful. He said if someone makes you cum, you must say "thank you". He also said I should have reciprocated right away instead of just laying there smiling. i was thinking since he was still dressed, he didn't want any of that to happen.

He told me that I have a lot to learn, which was confusing to me, because I thought it was just sex. I guess I really didn't know him at all. Of course, I didn't, it was only an hour or two. He asked how long I was staying out west and if I wanted training. I told him 2 weeks and I really had no idea what he meant about training. After all, I know how to have sex.

He told me to respond once I thought about learning how a woman's body is used to please a man. It was like he connected with exactly how I felt on the plane, actually being useful for someone. I felt a twinge in my clit when he said that. It felt weird that someone telling me something in a message made me aroused. What the heck? It also showed to me that maybe I don't know my own body.

Kinda sad that I never felt this way during my marriage. Words by a stranger are affecting me. I decided to listen to my body because my brain is not always the smartest. It is in other ways but not quite in a sexual way. I decided I needed to respond and show him that I really needed to learn to be better.

Once I got to my sister's place, I responded to Chris saying, "yes, I need to learn to be a better person". He said, "no, you need to learn how to be more submissive". At the point, I wasn't sure I was submissive, I just liked sex. But I did like the fact that Chris, the night before, literally took an orgasm from me. He didn't ask if I was ready to cum, he just took it.

I had never been submissive before in my life but Chris really made me wet and aroused even though I was with him possibly an hour or two. All I know is how I felt when he took what he wanted from me. No one made me feel like that before, it felt primal.

Chris responded about 2 hours later, with "I will be there later tonight". He said he wanted me naked right away, and on the bed. He also said to leave the door unlocked, so he could come in himself, to which I complied. The last thing he said before he signed off is "You will call me Sir".

It was pretty hard for me to sleep as I knew someone would be in my bedroom soon. My body kept its arousal state which seemed out of my control. Again, it showed my body and brain are not working together. Calling someone Sir really means that I accept that they have more control over me.

As I struggled to sleep, I heard the door opening and Chris coming downstairs into the bedroom. I pretended to sleep but he said "I am here and need to hear you accept me as your Sir". I said "Yes, Sir" without really understanding everything that meant.

He laid down next me to and started twisting my nipples like they were gummies. It hurt but I didn't cry out. I knew I just had to accept it. Didn't matter if there were tears coming down from my eyes.

He asked if I was prepared to submit to him. Did I know what that really meant? No, of course not, but I said yes. I wasn't experienced but wanted to seem like I was. As soon as I said yes, he was straddling my chest with his cock rubbing against my lips. The taste of pre-cum is the sweetest thing on earth and love it. He shoved his cock hard into my mouth and hitting my throat. I was gagging but he did not stop. He knew when to thrust so that I would not throw up. I could feel my body being excited by this use.

He came right down my throat and into my stomach. Even after it was done, my nipples were rock hard and my cunt was still dripping. Chris commented that deep down, I really liked someone to use me, treating me like a bunch of holes. I was so angry to hear that. A stranger telling me what I wanted. He was ignorant but he was right.

He said, "did you like that?"

I responded with "Yes, Sir".

Then he said, "can I own you while you are here?"

I was still thinking well, you had an orgasm and I had an orgasm so all should be good.