What It's About

When I think about you in this way, I imagine you at your most confident and direct. A powerful person who knows exactly what she wants. And what you want is me. I think a big part of this for me is a need to feel desired. A need to feel attractive and pursued and taken. Think of it like this: I don't want to ask you if I can go down on you, I want you to tell me that I need to go down on you. I want you to tell me that I need to do it right now.

But it's not about any specific physical act, though (though I do really love going down on you). The acts are secondary to the attitude. One fantasy I have is that it's night time, and I'm walking towards my side of the bed (you're lying on your side of the bed). And as I'm walking past the dresser you tell me to stop. You tell me to turn around. And you tell me to pull out my dick for you, or to do something totally nonsexual for you, like to stretch out, or scratch my shoulder, or anything. Then you praise me for listening/following instructions, and tell me i'm allowed to come to bed now.

That's a pretty tame thought. But it hits all the ideas that I think about. It's you just showing me that you're in control. It's you being creative, and initiating an action. It's you praising me, showing me that you love me and find me attractive despite the desires I have (or, even, in a dream world, because of these desires I have). It's me doing what you ask, without questioning it, because you told me to do something and I love you and I have an almost uncontrollable desire to please you.

A big thing I think about is possession. Something like the inverse of some of the things I've said to you over the years. It's you telling me that my dick belongs to you, my balls belong to you, my tongue and my mouth belong to you. That those parts of me, and my whole self exist for you. And that you love that. That you wanted a husband with these kinds of thoughts and desires. That you specifically chose to marry me because of it. "I love how hard your cock gets when you eat me out."

It's about helping me get into a specific state of mind. I spend all day thinking about how everyone else is doing, and trying to make sure everybody has what they need. People at my company, our family. I think to myself "what am I not seeing? what are people not telling me." If you're able to do these things for me, you'd help me get into a state of mind where I wouldn't have to worry about what I'm missing, at all. I wouldn't have to check in on everything and everyone, and I would simply know that I am seeing everything I need to be seeing, and you're getting everything you want and need. Because you explicitly tell me that.

A lot of times, during or after we have sex, I'll check in on you. "How does that feel? Are you okay? Was that good for you?" I want you to put me in a state of mind where asking those questions or having those thoughts seems ridiculous. I want you to cum and then tell me that I'm a good fuck, or that I have a hot tongue, or that I did a good job giving you what you wanted. I want to cum and have you tell me, independently and without provocation, that I'm sexy and that you loved it, and praise me for being nasty and doing everything you needed. Tell me it's okay to relax, that I've earned it. I want you to check in on me.

It's about control and power. I want you to tell me an outfit that you want me to wear to bed. Tell me to put on a specific color tshirt. Tell me to get naked. Tell me to put on shorts but no boxers.

It's about you being confident and specific in what you want, and resilient/aware of the power dynamic between us. A fantasy is you asking me to scratch your back, or get a glass of water, or something small as an act of service for you. And I ask you "what's the magic word" and you say "now." (I told you last night i want you to be a little bit mean, this is kind of what i'm thinking of).

If I'm in this state of mind, and I ask "do you want anything," you saying something like "I don't know" will actually stress me out. If you're in this state of mind, I imagine you as knowing exactly what you want. If you don't want anything, you'll say "I don't want anything right now. If I need something, I will tell you." Or even better saying "I don't need anything right now, in the mean time you should do X." Me asking you what you want is a way of saying "what can I be doing right now that will most please you." And the thing I desire, the thing I crave, is a specific thing to do in that moment. To know that there is one thing you want, that you told me you wanted it, and that I did it. That will de-stress me, help me relax, and put me in the state of mind I fantasize about.

Literally the action you tell me to do could be "nothing" or "just lay there and look sexy." But the important thing is that you are telling me what, in that moment, will make you happy.

There's a physical side of it, too. But the physical desires are extensions of the mental desires. I guess what I'm saying is that a focus on the physical acts before or without the mental/verbal sides of it isn't what i'm thinking about.

When I think about physical things, #1 on the list is almost always going down on you. I like the idea that you are getting pleasure out of me, as an act of service, even to the point of denying (temporarily) my own physical pleasure in the moment. I fantasize about you telling me that, in those moments, what we're doing is about you. That there will come a time and place where I might get to cum, or I might get to fuck you. But that time and place will happen when you decide. And that in that moment, you are deciding that you want to be using my mouth for your pleasure. And that my mouth belongs to you. And that you love me for it, and love that moment, and that having me do that for you is wonderful and the fact that I love doing it so much is attractive to you. (it's hitting on control, it's hitting on your confidence, it's hitting on you being the one who's telling me what to do, and me knowing that I am doing the exact thing you want me to be doing at thattime, and possession, and then the praise and reassurance that you find me physically attractive and sexually attractive for the things I desire).

The physical acts are about control. Tell me to fuck you slower, fuck you faster. Tell me to lay on my back so that you can ride me and use me as a sex toy for your pleasure, and you'll worry about me later. I want to have an entire fuck session, from start to finish, where I don't once have to think about what position we are in or if we should change positions, because you are the one controlling the entire time what position we are in. Tell me where my arms should go. Tell me how to touch you. I want you to tell me when I'm allowed to cum. (and then praise me when I cum when and where you tell me to).

The physical acts are about possession. I fantasize about you choking me. About you pulling my hair while I'm going down on you and telling me that I belong to you. About you slapping my ass. Hard. About you wrapping your leg around the back of my neck squeezing my face in closer to your lips. I fantasize about a collar on me or clothing that you wear to signify who is in control. And if and when you ever put anything inside me, I think about the fact that you own me.

The physical acts are also ways to show desire and pursuit. I've never been pursued. I've never been hit on by someone. In my life. Ever. I want that. I want you to tell me I'm sexy. I want to be irresistible to you in a way that physically bothers you and makes you horny. I want you to tell me to get naked and pull out my dick and jerk it off for you. I want you to objectify me. To tell me that you don't give a fuck where I went to school the only thing you care about right now is my dick, my mouth, my ass. I want you to touch yourself while I show off for you. To tell me that if I do a good enough job I'll get to fuck you.

It's not restricted to foreplay in immediate leadup to sex. I fantasize about you grabbing my dick and balls during the day and telling me I'm going to cum for you (or in you, or on you) later in the day. About you grabbing my ass at breakfast and telling me that it belongs to you. Texting me. Holy fuck do I crave dirty texts from you all day long telling me about these thoughts.

In my wildest fantasies you do all of these things and say all of these things not out of some act of service to fulfill my fantasy, but because in the moment and maybe growing over time, you realize you love doing these things to me and with me.

It's about pushing my boundaries on what I would do for you, and you independently and creatively finding ways to show me, to demonstrate for an audience of two (me and you) all of those themes of confidence, and possession, and power, and control, and pursuit, and praise. I want you to make me (a little) uncomfortable in how far you push me.

What does it look like to push on these boundaries? Here's a fantasy that made me cum the other night. Me and you sitting on the couch late at night, watching a movie. And you either tell me or text me something like "Later tonight you're going to eat me out. And if you do a good enough job I'm going to reward you by sitting on your face and letting you drink me." And then when the moment comes, if I did in fact do a good enough job, you make me beg for it, make me say please. And then you telling me you love me for it after I show you how much I love you and belong to you and am willing to do anything to please you.

But really at the end of the day, it's about something I haven't thought of. Something I haven't fantasized about before. I don't want you to be a "kink dispenser" just following a script of what I write. I fantasize about you thinking up and imagining (or googling) and then doing things that you desire, and independently initiate. Something that gets you off with a leg shaking orgasm and pushes all of your buttons (and also hits on some of what I wrote about). But I don't know what it is. But my fantasy is that you tell me exactly what it is, and I do it for you, and that when I am done and you are pleased you tell me how much you love me for it.