Training Emma

About Rozia: I am originally from a post Soviet country and moved to America in the late 90s. I am a lesbian and was never in any relationship until I arrived in America, as being a lesbian is frowned upon in Eastern European society. Even to this day, my family believe I am heterosexual and just never found a man to settle with. Apologies in advance for my English.

This is the story of how I met Emma - the love of my life, a true submissive, my best friend, and someone that will forever hold a special place in my life. I am forever grateful to live in such a wonderful country, with endless opportunities, and amazing people!

I had known for a long time through readings and experiences that I enjoyed sexually dominating other women. I even enjoyed controlling female co-workers that worked under me! I never had the time to explore this interest as I was too busy working when I first immigrated to America. I was too poor to do anything else. It was only around when I entered my 50s I started to look into and explore this interest after I was more financially secure. I had been active in the local D/s communities and online in hopes of finding a partner.

As a woman in my mid 50s, it was difficult to find an appropriate long term female partner that was also a lesbian (or at least bi) and a submissive -- a woman that would enjoy being dominated and controlled. There were not many lesbian women to begin with. I was looking for a long-term relationship, and it was difficult to meet someone who was interested and not just wanting to try things out or explore their bi-side with their partner. You can only imagine how narrow of a selection I was presented with, so finding someone that fits was near impossible. Kink communities are also typically conservative leaning, and I have found many times true lesbian or gay kinksters can be shunned or turned away.

To be honest, I am also not physically attractive. Since childhood, I had always been large and strong, I am taller than average females, looked and acted masculine and didn't matter what I ate or how much I exercised. The local kink community where I was living accepted me as who I was, something I am always grateful for. All these factors meant I had to work hard in my relationships, both personal and professional. I really did not have any real romantic relationships other than a women I dated briefly a long time ago. However, over the years I did have success holding sessions with women (most times with their male partners present) who wanted to try being dominated by another woman, but these are never long-term partners I hope to meet.

I first met Emma at a large summer alternative lifestyle event in 2010. It was clear she was new to the scene as she stood far from the crowd, alone at the edge of the event by the entrance. Almost as if she could walk out at any time. To prevent men from approaching her first, I had to quickly start a conversation with her and to introduce myself. It was only a matter of time before people noticed an attractive woman standing alone at these types of events!

She seemed quiet and reserved at first but very friendly. We eventually began a full conversation once Emma got more comfortable talking to me. Emma was a middle school teacher and I was semi-retired at the time but still worked in public education, so we connected quickly. If I remember correctly, we maybe only chatted for 15 minutes or so before I invited her to have tea at a nearby café as I wanted to separate ourselves from rest of the event. It was one of the benefits of being a woman as other women can open up to you quickly and trust you more versus being a man.

Emma had told me she was new to the city and was interested in the alternative lifestyle. She had saw an ad about the alternative lifestyle event and just wanted to check it out, maybe make a friend. Emma told me she was an avid reader of BDSM and kink literature, more on the fantasy and fiction side, which including books and stories on it but never really had any real experience. It was really one of those topics many people initially pick up first in romantic novels, and they find it interesting and dig deeper into it.

Emma was 41 at the time we met but the first thing any man or woman notices about her is that she is strikingly beautiful: high cheekbones, thin lips, tall erect figure. She had brunette hair and large green eyes. She was also beautiful in the way that only women with a measure of maturity could be beautiful. She dressed very elegantly and was an easy standout in public. I remember at the café where we had tea, I could see men taking a good look at her as they walked by.

More importantly her personality was attractive. Emma was very well mannered, polite and cultured. She was soft spoken and had a very mellow attitude. She always looked like she was smiling as she spoke.

After our first meeting, we became friends and I began talking to Emma over a period of several months, with the ultimate goal of having her move in with me. It seemed like an impossible task at first, but Emma's circumstances happened to be in my favor. For one, she was single, living alone, her family lived far away and she did not know many people in the city. In addition, she worked not far from where I lived. Her budget was tight, the economy was in a deep recession, and moving in with someone would ease her financial burden. Emma had actually suggested to me first that she thought about finding a roommate to share the rent. More importantly, she seemed to be open-minded, naturally submissive and can be convinced to start her BDSM journey with another woman, but it will take a lot of work.

Through endless conversations, lunches, coffee chats, and shopping trips, I learned Emma was not as trusting of men, which made the men pursuing her difficult. Emma was previously married when she was in her late 20s and her marriage only lasted a year, as the man she was with ended up cheating on her with another woman in his home country. This single event really caused her to not trust men. She screened men who took an interest in her thoroughly -- maybe too thoroughly, which ultimately resulted her being single since her divorce as she was looking for too much from a man right from the start.

Moving In

After a few months of chasing after Emma, trying to convince her, she finally agreed to move into my house primarily for ease of going to work and saving on rent. It was meant to be more of a temporary living situation for Emma. I charged her very low rent for living in one of my bedrooms, something Emma was very thankful for. Up to this point, I did not disclose I was a lesbian.

The topic of BDSM was shelved at the time and it was more of a "we will see were it goes" kind of thing. I had raised the prospect of a potential D/s experience with me but not something I brought up often. Emma was not offended by my suggestion though she said she was still thinking and not ready to commit to anything yet. We were friends first and maybe, just maybe potential partners in kink!

We had set aside a Saturday in early November to move. Emma lived in a small apartment at the time and it only took two trips in my van to move in all her belongings. When Emma first moved in, I wanted to give her space. The spare bedroom in my house was large and she had her own bathroom as well. She quickly proved to be a very pleasant roommate to live with: clean, quiet, and voluntarily did a lot of the housework. I was able to learn more about Emma through observing her day to day and spending time with her. Emma took her job as a teacher very seriously and really did care for her students. She would often stay late after classes to work with struggling students or talking with parents. To me, it showed she was not only caring, patient, but had a heart of gold.

After a month or so after moving in, I began to bring back the topic of BDSM: if she was willing to try it with a woman first. I made sure not to pressure her, but more so convincing her it would be a good experience and a lot safer than starting out with a man. We talked a lot about BDSM and I shared with her kink related books, hoping to get the spark going. It seemed like Emma was engaged and interested in BDSM.

Without going into the details and our truly countless conversations, I was eventually able to convince her to give it a try. It really did take another couple of months and many conversations for Emma to agree to it. Maybe I will write in detail about this later!

Training Emma

In the below, I tried to provide an overview of the initial training as it was a long time ago. I do not remember every detail but tried my best to write what I remember.

We had agreed on starting Friday night after much uncertainty (mostly on my part as I wanted her to feel as comfortable as possible and not give the perception that I was pushing her). That evening, I had waited for Emma anxiously by the front door around 6:30pm, the time she usually gets home from work. Once she entered through the front door and saw me, we made eye contact and she smiled and said "okay, okay" -- I knew it was on, Emma was on board to give it a try, and I had a shot at what I was hoping to find all these years.

Undressing Emma for the first time, I remember she kept smiling and closing her eyes. She later explained she had felt nervous and couldn't believe at the time she was entering the world of kink with another woman, not something she had planned! It also turned out to be a natural reaction Emma has when you push her boundaries -- the smile and closing of the eyes -- she was embarrassed but curious.

I recall Emma nude body was very warm to the touch and radiated feminine energy. She looked and smelled good -- I had a million things on my mind on what I wanted to do. The first thing I did was I ran my thumb down her neck, then her spine, before continuing through her buttocks and brushing past her sensitive parts, making Emma jump (most women I have been with don't expect me to go down that far which is why I always get a surprised reaction and why I love to do it). Emma was quiet and tense, saying she had not been touched in a long time. I continued to explore Emma's body including cupping her breasts, rubbing her thighs.

The very first pose I taught her was the classic hands behind your head, legs apart pose. I talked her through it and explained what it meant -- exposed breasts and spread legs are signs of submission. Our first session was light hearted; we talked a lot, laughed as I showed her things and touched her.

We wrapped up and had dinner right after. Again, I did not want to push her or make her feel uncomfortable. Later that night, I had Emma learn a few command phrases, submissive posses and mostly tried to keep things light and relaxed for the night. Everything was meant to be comfortable.

The rest of the weekend was more of the same as I talked her through bondage before putting her in light restraints and fondling her. No penetration or anything too sexual. My impression was that while Emma was open to BDSM, she was not very turned on by it. We also spent time outside of the house doing some shopping and visiting cafes as I wanted to make sure she was comfortable around me and our developing relationship.

As the first week passed, I didn't sense any resistance or discomfort from Emma so I moved to the next phase: introducing ideas more sexual that included dildos, more restraints, and some humiliation play. It felt very uncomfortable to attempt to humiliate Emma as she was naturally classy. Emma was very receptive to my commands, never complained, and seemed to speak very little during our later sessions.

When it came to our first dildo play, I had purposely chosen a larger dildo from my collection. I had tied Emma's legs apart, applied lube and penetrated her slowly. I could still see her facial expression as she closed her eyes and smiled before letting out a soft gasp as the dildo entered her. I knew the dildo might have been a bit too big for her but it was a positive sign that she didn't resist.

It took time for Emma to orgasm for the first time in front of me, significantly longer than women I've played with before. I used a lot of toys and then my fingers and a vibrator to finally make her climax. It turns out Emma haven't had sex since her divorce, rarely pleasures herself, and the change in environment didn't help either.

Our sessions went on for a few more weeks, usually a few hours on the weekends and occasionally weekdays at night but I tried to keep periods in between. I remember feeling more and more confident at the time, more bold, seeing Emma never complained, protested, or voiced any concerns. These were all good signs for me as I was trying to forge something for the long-term.

To get Emma gradually more comfortable with being nude and with her sexuality, I bought Emma a silk robe to wear in the house, but not with anything underneath (though we started off with bra and panties at first). It was her choice when to wear the robe. This way in the initial phase of training, she can feel somewhat comfortable but also somewhat exposed at the same time. Eventually, the idea is to have Emma wear the rob less and less but to her comfort. It was a common technique used throughout the kink community at the time as with new submissives, it is often a mistake to "expose" them to quickly and being nude all the time in the house too early on is simply not realistic (this is a hard lesson many Dom/Dommes quickly learn and something I've seen happen).

Another technique I used throughout the training phase was have Emma move from her room and sleep on the same bed as me a few days a week, so she could feel my presence and get used to it. I learned of this technique from a long time dungeon master I knew and it seemed to work for any relationship whether its between a man and a woman, two men, or two women. Initially at night time, Emma and I really just slept on the same bed. I didn't pressure her into doing anything other than sleep, chat or watch TV. After a few nights, I had us sleep nude and embrace, so that we were chest to chest and basically in a hugging position. I would also advance my position so my leg was in between Emma's and our legs would intertwine. I'm sure Emma felt uncomfortable as the position would get quite hot throughout the night. In the morning, we would both be sweaty and have to shower. I must admit this was when I did feel insecure as I was large and bulky while Emma was slim and feminine, I tried to not let the insecurity get to me. However, the technique was successful though as Emma did quickly get accustomed to my touch. From there on I was able to push the boundaries and get more intimate. I would often place my hand between Emma's legs as we slept or cuff her wrists to the bedframe such that her breasts would be exposed.

Full Time Submission

It was around the three-month mark where we really got a rhythm going and Emma was fully trained. It took a bit of time for two reasons: 1. Emma worked on weekdays so she was not home 2. I purposely kept things slow. It was around this time that Emma fully gave into the role of being a submissive, knew what to do without being told and generally understood the D/s dynamics.

It was also around this time you learn a lot about a person, including their intimate details. I had discovered Emma was rather sexually inexperienced, especially for such an attractive woman in her 40s. Most Western women usually have had multiple partners and tried many things in the bedroom, as I've learned spending time with fellow kinksters over the years. Emma was different, she was unfamiliar and at times and clueless about common sex related topics. Emma as it turns out only had two sexual partners in her life: a boyfriend and her her ex-husband. I remember one night as we were holding each other getting ready to sleep, I began using my index finger to draw circles around Emma's exposed rear opening. Emma then made a soft sigh and I turned to see that she was smiling with her eyes closed. It turned out that she never even thought about the idea of anything involving anal play and was embarrassed at being touched there.

There were a few habits I had to correct. For example, when Emma had an orgasm, she would always do the same thing: close her eyes and close her legs, then turn to her right side and curl up. The pose seemed to give her comfort and help her relax after the orgasm. It was a defensive posture, signaling the end of a session. I ended up having her change this habit so she would spread her legs and continue to expose herself instead post orgasm... sometimes we are not done yet!

Another habit was that Emma seemed to prefer having pubic hair. Unlike many modern women (especially in the West) who sometimes keep it bald, Emma has had pubic hair her entire adult life. It was not something that bothered me and it was one of the few things Emma resisted on when I asked if she would shave it. Because it was early into our relationship, I initially left the topic alone after Emma told me being bald down their made her feel wrong. Eventually however, she agreed to shave it from time to time. I typically did the shaving for Emma as it can be an intimate experience that builds trust between a submissive and a Domme.

Emma the Submissive

Emma's demeanor was the closest you can get to a perfect submissive, in my opinion. She was very classy and cultured, spoke quietly (both in and out of the bedroom), naturally kind hearted and always put others in front of herself. "No" was not in Emma's vocabulary, she loved to please others and was a natural submissive. As we grew closer, Emma was very adamant about her role.

Emma was a quick learner and open to try things I suggested. One of the more uncomfortable things she had to learn was giving me oral. I remember when we first tried this I could see some reluctance and uncomfortableness from Emma, as she has never given oral to another woman. It took a few tries and watching a few porn videos before Emma got the hang of it. She also became more comfortable with it. Nowadays, I would call Emma over, have her on her knees and I would spread my legs. Emma knew what to do and what I wanted.

Because Emma was such a standout submissive, there was rarely any reason to punish her. I had tried a few times to see if I could push Emma's boundaries, and see if she would protest or voice her concern. For example, I would wake up around 3-4am at night and try to insert a dildo into Emma, who would be sleeping. Emma would respond by spreading her legs while rubbing her eyes, inviting more penetration. Another time, I gave Emma an impossible task of sorting some paperwork I had, which was very hard to do without making a mistake. When I did find a mistake and before I could say anything, Emma said "please accept my apologies and I deserve any punishment you wish to give me."

Taking Our Relationship Further

After a year since our first meeting, I felt confident enough to engage with Emma in all the things I fantasized before. She was comfortable with me, trusted me 100% and seemed fully committed to the relationship. My "style" is not one that involves pain but rather on the emotional and psychological aspects of domination. I like to focus on control, obedience, and pleasure (for both my partner and myself).

Below are the top highlights over the next couple of years since we first met:

Switching to full time: Up to then, Emma and I usually only engaged in play when we both felt like it. In other words, Emma needed to agree to what I was looking to do before starting. I was almost asking for permission. We eventually switched to a full time model where I had total control over Emma. This meant play could happen anytime of my choosing and I alone decided what we were going to do. It was also incorporated into everyday life and outside of the house, where I had the final say on any decisions. While Emma still worked full time, we worked out a detail weekly schedule on work, split of house choirs, playtime, bedtime, social hours (meeting up with friends), personal time, shopping, and so on. This full-time scheduling thing was more of Emma's idea than mine as she loved planning out her days. It might also have to do with her being a teacher, meaning she makes schedules for her students and now has a schedule for herself. The schedule was obviously subject to change but we tried sticking with it whenever possible to create predictability. Having a schedule benefited me greatly because I was able to control Emma's time.