(editors: thanks for the great job you guys do!)
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I'd always hated that phrase, "topping from the bottom". It made me think of greedy so-called submissives who say "I only want what pleases my dominant," and then proceed to mindfuck their master or mistress in order to get what THEY want. It's bad enough when vanilla people manipulate their partners just to satisfy their own needs, but in a defined dominant/submissive relationship it's downright wrong.
I'd always had fantasies about being tied up, blindfolded, gagged, whipped, teased mercilessly... to have my body used as a fucktoy or plaything for someone else's amusement. I'd had a few partners who'd done those things to me, and I'd loved it, but I also knew it was just a quick thrill for me. I'd found out over time that I had to be the one in charge in a serious relationship if it was going to last, and I loved having a devoted sex slave at my beck and call so much that eventually I put my desires to bottom aside and concentrated on holding the whip instead of being under it.
My live-in slave/sub/boyfriend had been with me for nearly ten years but things between us had gotten a bit stale. Don't get me wrong: he was a good slave and did anything I asked, and he was sincere when he said he still worshipped me even after so many years. But our playtimes had become routine: usually I'd just make him use toys on me until I came repeatedly. Sometimes I'd tie him up and flog him, but mostly I just made him service me with his hands and his mouth.
I knew he loved giving me pleasure, but I also knew he wanted more, so once in awhile I'd put him in tight bondage and flog him or punish his cock and balls. Even though I loved the feeling of power it gave me, I often felt like I was doing it only because he wanted it, that he was controlling what we did at those times: topping from the bottom. If I said so, he'd feel terrible since that was the last thing he wanted, and he'd beg me not to do anything just because he'd like it; that he only wanted to do things that were what I truly wanted.
To be honest, usually I just didn't want to put a lot of effort into planning and carrying out a BDSM scene that just wasn't doing all that much for me. And those times that I was in a wicked mood and really did want to abuse his body became such an emotional minefield for us both that it became easier to just skip it altogether.
But there was another reason I'd eased up on being a very strict domme to my slave: my old fantasies of submission had resurfaced, stronger than ever. I wanted to tell him about it, but I didn't know what it would do to our relationship, and I admit I was embarassed too. Neither of us wanted to "switch" - I still wanted to be his domme and him to be my slave - but I couldn't see any way that our roles would remain intact and effective if he knew about my secret desires.
So I'd started playing with myself when I was alone. I'd tie myself up and use various toys on myself, imagining someone else was doing it to me. Of course my slave benefitted from all this activity, too. When he came home I'd be so horny I'd make him pleasure me for hours or I'd make him watch while I made myself cum. But in my mind it was faceless voices giving me orders and cruel hands making me suffer that were driving me wild.
One day I'd gone all out. Watching myself in the mirror, I stripped down to my panties and bra, then I watched myself as my imaginary dom told me to "slut myself up" for him. I said aloud, "Yes sir," and I pulled my panties down to my thighs and grabbed my bra roughly, pulling it up above my large breasts. Then I bound my tits into tight swollen globes, and pulled and twisted my nipples before attaching extra-strong clamps onto them. They hurt like hell but they made my already-throbbing pussy start to dribble down the inside of my legs.
Still following "orders" I plunged my secretly-purchased buttplug into my dripping cunt and worked it around inside me, then I watched myself lick and suck my pussy juices from it, savoring my own taste and looking for approval from my imaginary dom. He told me to hurry up and shove it into my asshole or he'd ram his huge cock in there without any preparation or lube. "Y-y-yes sir," I said, my breathing faster as I felt the wet tip of the plug probe my asshole and then slide deep inside me. I shivered from the delicious and definitely un-dommely feeling of fullness and decadence it gave me.
Then I was "told" to shut the fuck up and I pushed a double-knotted scarf into my mouth and tied it tightly behing my head. Then I cuffed my ankles to the bed, my legs spread far apart, using my own slave's restraints but all the time answering obediently to the imaginary dom that was "ordering" me to do it. Next I shoved my thickest vibrator into my pussy, and I cringed with embarrassment at the wet sounds it made going in. The laughter I heard in my imagination made me feel humiliated, which made the vibe feel even better as it slid all the way in, completely stuffing my throbbing hole. Once again I "obeyed" by turning the vibe on to its highest setting, and I moaned as it began working its magic inside me and vibrating my hot cunt along with my buttplug.
Reaching my arms over my head, I slid my wrists into the strap system I'd devised, imagining that I was now fully restrained with no chance of escape, even though I could free my hands easily when I was finished.
Now I lay there completely helpless, moaning and whimpering and unable to plead for mercy. Not only was I displayed, clamped, gagged and stuffed in both holes, but I was getting more and more aroused from the vibrator with no release in sight, since I rarely cum without direct stimulation of my clit. My torture only increased as I imagined the flogger coming down hard on the inside of my thighs, my belly, my burning nipples and my dripping, swollen pussy. Then I heard a key in the front door.
I panicked. I knew it was my slave since nobody else had a key, and I started tugging on my wrist straps as I heard the door open and then close. The vibe in my cunt kept up its brutal assault which only got more intense as I thrashed around trying to free myself, but I only seemed to be making my bonds tighter. I heard him call out asking if I was home and I froze, panting so hard around my gag that my bound, swollen tits bounced on my chest. Before I had a chance to figure out what to do, I heard him gasp and exclaim, "Oh my god, what are you doing?!?"
I'd never felt more ashamed and humiliated in my life, and before my slave could figure out what he was seeing, the most intense orgasm I'd ever had started welling up from deep inside me. I screamed into my gag and my body writhed as my cunt was overcome with wave after wave of shuddering ecstasy that reached its delicious fingers to grip my clit, my asshole and my nipples. It wracked my entire body and literally made my toes curl as I kept cumming and cumming.
Of course my slave knew my orgasms well, but he was shocked by the intensity of the one he was now seeing. As it finally started to fade, I was aware that he was now kneeling beside the bed but I barely heard him whisper, "Oh my Mistress, you're so beautiful like this!" when another orgasm hit me. This one was even more powerful than the first because his hand went to work on my clit exactly the way I like, while his other hand removed first one nipple clamp and then the other, making them scream with unbearable pain and ecstasy.
Tears were falling from my eyes as my spasms finally subsided and I lay there panting and gasping. My pussy and asshole continued to quiver as he asked if I wanted him to remove the gag. I pleaded with my eyes and nodded, feeling awkward and embarrassed but also oddly comfortable in being powerless. He whispered "Yes, Mistress" and gently lifted my head, untying and removing my gag. Gasping for air, I managed to say "Turn the... fucking... vibe... off..." He quickly reached between my legs and switched off the devilish toy that was still humming away inside me and threatening to bring on another bone-tingling orgasm.