Loretta
2.5 years ago, Yellow Fern Medical center.
They are cutting me again, jagged long strips across my arms and back. They are testing to see if physical pain will push me into a seizure while I'm on this new medication. What they don't seem to notice is that after years of this I don't feel anything at all.
My mind goes off to its own place, far away. In my mind I'm on a beach I seen on a poster. I've never felt sand between my toes, well not that I can remember. The only tangible thing I remember now is this place, life before a blur. This endless dark, the endless poking and prodding, them using my body against me.
The whispered name in the dark, is it mine? Or is it her's the shadow of a woman I see. Flickering about in the recesses of my brain. Tiny, graceful and so very worried all the time.
Worried over me, over what will become of me, I wish she wouldn't. There are far better things for her to waste her time on... My life is already gone, the day I was given to this facility.
Medical research they say. My sacrifices make life easier for others to live, I should be proud that my waste life makes others worth living.
I can't help the resentment that burns in my stomach, what about me? What about my life?
That voice again, the pain taken away, I'm free she tells me, free as long as I hide from the world.
Today
It has been 4 months and 3 days since Miki found me cowering under his stairs. Life is peaceful, I've settled into a routine of sorts. Miki makes me breakfast every day, followed by question time, then I dance for hours, I practice every style I can find videos on, then he leaves and I read while he's gone but he always comes back in a few hours, true to his word every day he brings me a new book I shyly giggle over and take. Lately, the books have been getting increasingly naughtier. The last one describes a woman being spanked and fingered while other men watched. I read that part a few times. My face bright red, my hands shaking, my breath panting and a pool of wetness forming between my legs.
I like to pretend the books he brings describe what he would like to do to me. I see him when I read them, it's me and him. I really don't think he does, to be honest, I don't think he has read any of them or even thinks of me that way. Besides Miki is always the gentleman. Never touching me unless I touch him first. Always keeping his eyes on my face.
Sighing to myself as I sit and wonder what he would do if I walked into his office naked right now? He probably wouldn't even notice, or just tell me I would catch a cold. He doesn't see that I want him, that I want his attention more than I want any silly books. He is real, so close to me but still so far away.
I wish I was like the other women, the ones who come here after dark, dressed in pretty shinny dresses, high heels and beautiful makeup, so carefree and happy. I sit in my window seat and watch them all arrive night after night. Beautiful glittery butterfly's. Miki asked me to stay in my room after dark, he says it's for my own protection. That I might see something that I won't understand.
I'm not stupid, I've seen enough before he found me that night, I watched and listened from the shadows. I know this place isn't what it seems from the outside. Plus my room might be far away from the main bar but the dungeon is directly below me, I hear the screams and moans of pleasure every night. I feel the thump of my own jealous heart as I wonder if he has a pretty butterfly of his own he makes moan that way and knowing it will probably never be me. I'm to damage to look at, to broken to fix. Too dark to love.
Seth has become a stead friend, he doesn't ask questions he just offers help and affection, comradeships and laughs. He brings me clothes, food and teddy bears. I think he understands my hidden frustrations, my lack of self-worth as much as anyone ever could. I've seen the same look on his face when he looks at Miki sometimes. He loves him too. What a pair we make, a love-struck mute and a harden criminal both wanting someone who will never notice us. Sometimes I wish I felt the same deep yearning for Seth that I do for Miki, it would make life so much simpler. He is as attractive as he is different, he's as dark as Miki is light, he's open and free with his words, giving me compliments and touching me often. It just doesn't burn my skin the same as Miki's hands do.
Sighing, I stand to my feet tugging my skirt back into place, I decided that today is not a day to be caught up on my own feelings, I will practice my cooking instead, I've been watching cooking shows a lot. I'm set on proving to myself I'm capable of living a normal life. Today's experiment is a chocolate cream cake. It's supposed to be a simple recipe even a child can make. Hopefully, I won't mess up too bad.
I mix the cake batter and place the tray in the oven and start to prepare the cream filling dumping everything into a mixer ready. Dancing around to the music blaring from my headphones I don't notice the eyes on me as I sway. Lost in the music my heart light and free even if it's only for a moment.
I pull the tray out a poke a tiny hole with my knife, still bent over my skirt slipping around my hips, it's just a little bit too big, it pulls down when I bend over flashing the band of my yellow panties. Still, with one hand on the knife, I reach back trying to adjust it and humming out a breath of frustration. Cakes still not done. Gah.
Time for the filling still swaying my hips to the music I turn to switch the mixer on and get the fright of my life at seeing Miki leaning against the kitchen bench watching me with a mixed look, amusement and something else? Something dark and forbidden? Is it lust in his eyes?
My lips part in my shock, my fingers jerk on the dial. One slip and the cream is flying out of the bowl, covering my face and chest, splashing me, still liquid and runny, dripping down my chin in what has to be an obscene way.
My face red, fingers clenching and unclenching in shock I pause, frozen in place.
The look on his face is priceless, that dark burning heat, blazing a trail of lust across my lips and chin, the image in my mind of him licking me clean, lapping all the spilt cream of my face has me shifting from foot to foot. I slowly reach up and pull the headphones from my ears.
"If you wanted a facial princess, there are a lot of better ways to go about it." He says with a dark chuckle as he walks towards me.
I take a slight step back from him, pressing my back against the fridge, still in shock, my nipples harden as he follows the wet trails of white cream dripping down my top with his eyes, soaking it, making the dark fabric cling to my skin like a second skin. My knees start to quiver the closer he gets.
Stopping right in front of me he reaches two fingers up, sliding them down my cheek, across my lips, over my chin and down my neck, stopping just before my cleavage, scooping up the cream on his fingertips. Bringing it to eye level, showing me the mess he gathered off me, tilting his head and grinning before popping his fingers in his mouth and sucking. He moans, I moan, I can't help it, I've never seen something so raw and sexual, this man who saved me, who cares for me, who turns me on in the dark of night in the safety of my own bed just licked cream off his fingers that was on me.
"Sweet, mmm very sweet. But somehow I know it will taste even better the second time around." he murmured.
Shaking with my hands gripping at the wall behind me I wait, please don't let him stop, please don't let this be the last of this moment. I freeze in place my breath catching in my throat as his fingers reach for my face, trailing the same path over the opposite cheek, across my lips and down my chin, this time not stopping, this time dipping into my cleavage and tucking between my breast, my back arches, thrusting my them at him, small but firm with pointy aching nipples standing out under my thin top, I hadn't bothered with a bra today.
He chuckles again, lifting his fingers to my face to show me the mess, I can't help what happens next, my body has a mind of its own, as I lean forward our eyes lock, my lips parting, I suck his fingers deep into my mouth. My tongue flicks out, running up the length of one and down the other, gathering every spot of cream. Moaning at the taste of sweetness blended with the taste of him, raw and male.
We both pause in the moment me sucking his fingers, him watching my mouth work on him. Him groaning, me moaning. It seems like we held the position forever.
He breaks the quite. "Do you want this Retta? Do you really want this with me? Because once I start I won't stop."
My face flaming, still standing with his fingers in my mouth, still licking and sucking I moan again, nodding my head. I want this my eyes plead.
With a harsh grunt, he's on me, my hands are yanked above my head, held in place, his other hand is lifting me urging me to wrap my legs around his waist. Jerking my hips forward so the wetness of my drenched panties collides with the hardness of him, the layers of clothes separating us don't matter, I can feel him burning me with every rub.
"I'm going to fuck you Retta, deep and hard, but not against a wall. I'm going to take you to bed and worship every inch of your body." He whispers against my lips, his words taking me higher, the feel of him wrapped around me, pressing me hard into the wall. The length of him grinding against my clit almost forcing me over the edge. I'm walking a wire, strung out and needing a fix of my new favourite drug, him.
