*Note to Reader: This Chapter takes quite a while to get "fun". I really wanted to try to flesh out both characters in this series a bit more as people. If you're only here for the fun roleplay and teasing then you can probably skip most of this Chapter*
--
I wake up only a few hours later, simultaneously feeling a bit refreshed and still a bit worn out.
I open my phone and see that it's 2:30 AM. I see Tiffany's Snapchat story: a video of one of my at bats from a few hours earlier with a red heart over the middle of the screen.
I watch the video of myself and notice that I make a weird face when I swing. Now aware of the face I made, I grow a bit self-conscious and briefly lose myself in the memory of my last girlfriend. She cheated on me and said all kinds of things about my appearance, especially about my facial features.
Tiffany snores and it brings me back to reality. I glance to my left. She looks so peaceful asleep, but my eyes are drawn just a bit past her.
On her nightstand, the cage is slightly illuminated by the TV that she put on for white noise. My sudden self-consciousness and bad memory combines with the memory of how controlled I felt just a few hours ago, and I begin to feel unimaginable shame about our play from earlier.
"What does she actually think about me wearing the cage?" I think to myself.
"She thinks you're a total fucking loser," my insecurities and self-consciousness say to me.
"No, no. She wouldn't think that," I tell myself, not able to silence the voice.
"Oh yes, she would. Do you SEE her? She's a total fucking bombshell! She wants a guy who's gonna take her like a man. She wants a guy who will throw her all over the bed, ragdoll her, and fuck her until she's screaming."
I begin to tear up, knowing my insecurities are irrational and almost certainly incorrect, but unable to ignore them.
I hear Tiffany lightly stirring next to me.
"You up?" I softly ask, trying to hide my tears.
"Not really," she groggily answers, rubbing her eyes. "You ok?" she lazily lifts herself up on her elbow.
"I was hoping to talk to you about something, but it can wait." I softly speak while looking at the foot of the bed, not wanting to show her the tears in my eyes.
At that moment, a burst of light in the movie illuminates my face and she sees the tears in my eyes and running down my face.
"Hey hey hey," she says sitting up and turning her lamp on. "What's going on? Are you ok?"
"I... um..." I begin to softly cry.
"I was thinking..." I find myself unable to speak for a few seconds.
"Can I actually talk to her about this?" I silently ask myself.
"Only if you want her to laugh even harder at you, ya little bitch."
I think back on all the issues I've dealt with in the last six months and realize whether it was academic issues, fights with friends or just stress, she's always been the person I talked to.
"If not her, then who? I can't talk to the guys about this. She's been the person I've talked to about my problems for months... And she's never judged me before."
"That was before she found out that you're a fucking simping little wuss."
As my inner dialogue drags on, she softly scoops up my hand and gives it a comforting squeeze.
Her simple but sweet gesture and the gentle but concerned look in her eyes give me the comfort I need to open up to her.
"I have a umm... annoying little voice in my head." I squeeze my eyes closed and turn my head away, fearing that she's going to laugh at me.
"What's this voice saying?" she softly asks using her thumb to lightly caress the hand she's holding.
"It's telling me that..." I close my eyes for a few seconds. She reaches out and softly caresses my cheek while wiping some of my tears away.
I nod, turning my head back in her direction, but unable to actually look her in the eyes.
"That... that you..." I lose my words and my eyes flood with tears again. "That you think I'm a loser," I blurt out. "And a simp and a wuss."
"Why would I think that?"
I take a minute to attempt to compose myself before trying to speak again. "Because I wore the cage... and I... I lo... lov... loved..." my voice trails off.
She just holds my hand tightly as I softly cry in a way I haven't in a long time.
"Come here," she says wrapping her free arm around me. "I'm sorry baby, I had no idea that being controlled bothered you like this."
"It doesn't," I say a bit more intensely than I mean to. "And I think that's what would bother you."
As I cry in her arms, she remains silent for several minutes until I look up at her and make eye contact.
"I don't think that you're any of those things," she softly speaks and I squeeze her hand tightly.
I begin to speak, but she puts a finger over my lips. "Shhh, can you let me speak for you?" she asks in the most angelic voice I've ever heard. I nod, looking deep into her eyes.
"You told me that you always - with girls at least - had to be in charge and I know you had to be that way with baseball too," she says softly. "And as the handsome and successful young man you are, you feel a lot of pressure, both externally and internally, to be dominant and a stud, and always be in charge." I nod, a bit impressed at how quickly she understands this. "And since you weren't tonight, you feel a bit ashamed and embarrassed." She brushes hair out of my ear and sheds a single tear. "You always wanted a girl to take control for a bit, but now that it has happened, you don't think it matches well with your outward appearance."
She softly kisses my forehead as I nod again.
To my surprise she rolls off the bed and walks over to her closet. She pulls two boxes out and opens the box the other two were stacked on top of.
"I've never shown this to anyone," she says walking back over to the bed and handing me a small pink book.
"What's this?"
"My high school diary," she says sitting down.
"You had a diary?" I ask, getting only a nod in return.
"Just like you do right now, I had an image that I wanted to maintain. But I still had insecurities and things I was embarrassed about. And I didn't think I could share them with anyone."
I silently flip through the diary, reading whatever entry I happen to stop on.
On just the three pages I read, she talks about her insecurities with stretch marks on her arms, the birthmark on her leg, and even being jealous about another girl whose breasts were larger than hers.
"Not what you expect a girl like me to worry about huh?" she says, seeing the surprise on my face. I silently shake my head. "I bet you've never once judged or even noticed any of those things."
I nod, a bit shocked at the tone of sorrow on her voice.
"Mike I need you to know that I don't think less of you because of your fantasies," she softly caresses my cheek. "Just like you don't think less of me because of anything you read in my diary," she begins to tear up. "I know that you're a good man who's going to treat me well and that is infinitely more important to me."
I reach out and gently wipe her tears away.
"And the fact that you trusted me enough to open up about these proves that you're not a loser or a simp or a wuss or any other name that that annoying little voice wants to say you are." We both reach out and wipe each other's tears away. "I know you feel a lot of pressure, but I'll never judge you," she softly whispers and kisses my forehead. "For anything."
I give her a tight hug, tears of relief continuing to roll down my face.
"Baby I'm sor-"
"Shh," she softly whispers as we pull apart. "You have nothing to be sorry for," she says putting her diary on her nightstand and climbing back into bed.
We silently wrap our arms around each other and pull each other tight, falling back asleep in essentially a hug with each of us laying on our sides.
--
I wake up again a few hours later, her arms still comfortingly wrapped around me.
"You up?" I ask.
She hums in response and loosens her arm that was hanging over me.
I notice her trying to wake up the arm that I had been lying on for a few hours.
I grab her wrist and lightly swing her arm around, and that seems to wake it up.
"Thanks," she smirks. "You ok?" she asks reaching out to caress my arm.
I nod. "Sorry for waking you up earlier."
"You don't have to apologize," she says lightly massaging my forearm.
"I know, but I f-" she puts a finger over my lips.
"I'm serious. Don't feel like me helping you is an inconvenience," she squeezes my hand.
I nod and lean in for a hug.
I'm not sure if it's the emotions from earlier, the way she soothingly caresses my arm as we hug, or both but something compels me to tell her something I've wanted to for a long time.
"Can I tell you something?"
"Anything," she replies.
I lightly turn her around on the bed, wrapping my arms around her and holding her tightly.
"There's something I've wanted to say to you for a long time," I say holding her. "I wasn't sure I could. But last night showed me that I should." I let out a deep breath, about to say the things I've wanted to say since before we ever made that bet. "I know you're my girlfriend but... you're also my best friend." I hear her begin tearing up, probably knowing where I'm going with this. "You've been my best friend for months and I was just too dumb to notice," I begin to tear up a little. "I've always felt more understood and free with you than I have with anyone, even people I've known for years." She takes my hand in hers, giving it a soft kiss. "I've never said this to anyone not related to me," I chuckle as she tightens her grip on my hand. "But... I love you."
She turns her head to face me with a half smile. "I love you too," she mewls.
"You ok?" I ask wiping her tears away.
"Yeah," she gives me a teary smile.
"You're the first guy that's told me that" she says resting her head in my chest. "and meant it."
We lie together for quite a while, holding each other close and wiping away each other's tears before she looks up at me, her voice still a bit quavery.
"I talked to my dad yesterday," she says wiping her eyes. "I know it's short notice, but my parents wanna meet you this weekend."
I take in a nervous breath.
"Just because I told em you're basically living here."
I nod, understanding the reasoning but also knowing her parents is going to be a nerve-wracking experience.
"You up for lunch tomorrow?"