Thursday
7/16/20
Authors' note: This chapter starts a thread that runs through a few chapters, a brief divergence into science-fiction/horror. There is a short scene of threat and terror (though no violence) which may be unsettling to some viewers.
There is a small town in eastern Wyoming, one or two bedraggled houses, lots of ruins of others, an ancient gas station, and a long, dark train that doesn't seem to move. The interior of the gas station is crowded, and the people inside wear weather-inappropriate clothing and watch your every move like you're not supposed to be there, like you're not even supposed to have found this place.
I stopped there. I would recommend that you do not.
Keannadiid came for me first, as he always did in my dreams. Maybe that's because I'd seen him around school, interacted with him. Maybe that's because we'd been fighting face to face when I shot him.
Of all the attackers at the cabin three years ago, his was the only face I remembered, the other men I'd killed were nameless, faceless silhouettes in my mind. But the security guard, Nina's cousin, the man with the access to cameras and computers and the desire to use them against me, he stood out.
And he always came for me first in my nightmares.
Jessie was sitting at the table in the downtown Milwaukee bar where we'd shared our first meal all those years ago, and my arm was still in a sling, aching from the cold and multiple surgeries. "You're dead," she said, her usually bright and excited voice as dull and gray as a monotone. "So either I drank myself to death or into hallucinations. Either way, good to see you again."
"I did die, couple of times," I responded. "They brought me back though. We're both very much ali - "
That was when Keannadiid stepped out of the shadows carrying an AK47. "You cannot see the tapes," he told me, like he'd said in the school's basement security office. Then, looking at me and taking aim, "We are coming for you."
Darkness exploded in front of me with an explosion like the world was ripped apart by a nuclear bomb, and my arm ignited with exquisite pain.
The hotel room was unfamiliar, dark except for moonlight pouring in the slats of the blinds. I ripped the confining sheets off my sweating body, rolled to the floor with a loud, jarring THUMP, grabbed my Sig off the end table and focused on the shaking red dot dancing across the door. Light bloomed behind me, and I was vaguely aware of distant voices, growing louder. They were a secondary concern, I had to protect her, they might be coming for us again, they'd funnel through that door and then -
Smooth skin against my bare back, lips against my ear. "It's ok, Gary, I'm right here. I've got you, it's ok..."
Slim, pale arms reached around me, and Jessie took the SIG from my shaking hands, set it on the end table before wrapping me in a hug. "You're here, you're safe, it's ok..."
From the back of the room, McKenna was uttering a nonstop stream of "What the fuck" over and over again, and Jessie said "Shut the hell up, you're not helping."
I trembled in her arms until the adrenaline bled off, the storm of fear and anger clouding my mind dissipating before her soothing words and touch. The violent nightmares had gotten less frequent, fortunately, and Jessie no longer had to comfort a scared, armed, disoriented man multiple times a week. It'd been a while since I'd dreamed as ugly and frightening as that.
I rose shakily, turned and held her. "Thank you," I whispered into her ear.
"You're ok?"
"Eventually." My mouth felt like a desert and my arm burned. I pulled away. "Go back to bed, I'll join you shortly."
Mckenna was sitting on her bed cross-legged, elbows on her knees, glaring daggers at me. "I'm sorry," I told her as I walked to the bathroom. "I'm sorry I woke you up, sorry I scared you, sorry you had to see that."
She followed me into the bathroom, ranting as I downed a glass of water and a packet of Tylenol that I found in the vanity. "People like you are the reason people like me think people like you shouldn't have guns! You could've fucking shot us! You were out of your mind!"
I splashed water on my face, splashed some on my arm. If didn't help the flames, they were under my skin. "I wasn't pointing it anywhere near you, you were behind me."
"Great, so the next time you have a bad dream and lose your marbles you're just going to start shooting out into the parking lot? What if you're in a hotel, what about the people across the hall?"
"I didn't shoot anyone, my finger wasn't even on the trigger."
"Whatever, you're still a fucking danger to everyone arou - "
I turned to face her, and she shut up. "Until you've had to deal with the knowledge that living another SECOND, drawing another BREATH means fighting for your life, until you've seen people you love shot down in front of you, you shut the fuck up about my owning and carrying guns. Your opinion means shit all. I've been there, done that, got the motherfucking t-shirt. You are out of your fucking element, Donny."
"But that still doesn't - "
I stepped up, towering over her, making her feel the disparity in our sizes. "Say another word and you're hitchhiking to Denver."
Her mouth opened and I smiled cruelly, raised a finger. "One. More. Word."
I shut the light off on the annoying little programmer and went back to bed. This time, Jessie wrapped her arms around me.
I woke up about two hours later to Jessie rising from the bed, moving to the bathroom. The bedside clock said five thirty. Dammit. Today was gonna suck. I felt like I hadn't slept for even a second, and the thought of last night made my heart start to race.
McKenna rose at six as Jessie exited the bathroom, and I rolled to sitting on my side of the bed, grabbed my shorts and pulled them on. I fished for my wallet, pulled out a bill, sighed, and walked over to the other side of the room. "Hey."
"Can I speak now?" McKenna was still angry.
"Yeah, you can. I want to give you this, it's... It's the best apology I've got."
I handed her the bill, and her eyes widened, then narrowed. "You can't buy off my being mad at you."
"Yeah, I know, but I figured giving you the money for a Taco Johns breakfast would be a great start to your day..."
That made her eyes light up.
We drove south out of Montana and the weather was far better than yesterday, bright blue skies and hot sun and not a cloud in the sky. We left the rolling green hills and reddish highways for the first plains and farm fields of Wyoming, the landscape growing more and more featureless and desolate the farther south we drove.
The mood in the car was subdued, and instead of chattering about the sights we weren't seeing or funny memes on Facebook or Twitter. I felt bad about that, it was my fault. Me and my messed up head.
For the first time on the trip, we took turns behind the wheel. Previously, Jessie would take an hour or so for me occasionally, but we all rotated through the driver's seat so that no one got overtired.
I tried to relax, tried to nap, caught up on the news. Still no arrests in Milwaukee. Still nothing but protests of innocence from the group I'd seen there. Oh well. Not my problem.
Wyoming stretched on, and on, and on. And on. Gigantic farm equipment or buildings appeared minute on the horizon, dots floating on a sea of tan or gray or green. We stopped at every gas station we passed, refilling even if the tank was only down five or ten percent. I didn't want to get stranded out on these lonesome roads, the distance between the vehicles was growing greater, and the pockets of civilization seemed fewer and farther between.
It felt like being in space. Or on the ocean.
We reached Thunder Basin around ten, having made good time. Driving through, I couldn't understand why the girls wanted to visit this place. It looked like every other stretch of highway we'd driven through. Hot, desolate, lonely. Jessie would constantly tell me to stop the car, and she would get out to take a panoramic photo of the landscape, or shoot a selfie with McKenna, silly grins or duck faces against a background of dry scrub and barbed wire fencing and merciless sky.
Trees did appear occasionally, usually popping up beside brooks or small ponds that reminded me of South Dakota. Buttes and hills would sometimes appear on the horizon, never seeming to draw close enough to become more real than a mirage. Otherwise, it was flat, the only vegetation dusty grasses occasionally brushed by an errant breeze.
We encountered a few dusty old wooden cabins, long deserted, and Jessie insisted on taking pictures in and around each one, snapping shots of her and her best friend in creaking, decaying rooms, broken doorways, or by the remnants of ancient fencing. I was happy to play photographer when she needed someone to press the shutter button on the ancient but powerful smartphone she preferred, but it did occasionally get annoying being ordered to adjust the frame over and over and over again, waiting for the pair to pose just right, move into this shadow or that beam of light based on the picture Jessie saw in her mind.
"What can you possibly need all these pictures for?" I asked as we drove on from another quick photo session of the two girls standing in the middle of the empty road.
"What is it that you think your girlfriend does for a living?" McKenna asked, half serious and half sarcastic.
"Uh... Marketing?"
"We're on a photoshoot," Jessie said. "This whole trip. The theme is freedom. That's why all the open spaces, western motifs. What's more free than being out west?"
"I thought this was a bucket list trip..."
She shrugged, gave me a cute little smile. "They coincide nicely."