My love,
This morning, at the psychiatrist's office, we did a little relaxation experiment. The doctor asked me to lie back and one-by-one relax the different parts of my body. As she listed the parts, instead of relaxing them, or perhaps in order to relax them, I imagined you touching me on those parts. They were not, obviously, the sexualised parts of my body. She didn't ask me to relax my breasts, or my vagina, or my tongue, as that would have been exceptionally weird. But imagining you touching my elbow, as the doctor said the word 'elbow', was sensual, because it involved you touching me, or rather an imagined you touching my elbow.
And then, once I was entirely relaxed, that is to say once you had touched every part of me, she asked me to lie back and imagine being in 'your happy place', doing 'whatever it is that makes you happy'. I told her, when she then asked me to tell her, which I thought was rather invasive anyway, that I was reading on a deckchair on the beach. It seemed an incredibly staple answer, though as I was saying it I did start to wish I'd come up with a more interesting lie, so as for her not to have thought of me as so boring.
Obviously, this was not my happy place. My happy place was kneeling, naked, in a dark walk-in-closet waiting for you to come in a use me. I am happiest, always, when I am your slave.
Let me describe it to you in more detail, in doctorly detail, the kind of detail that I was having to provide about my fake 'happy place' (colour of deckchair, position of sun, book reading, etc.) to the doctor.
So, I'm kneeling, naked, in a dark walk-in-closet, waiting for you to come in.
I have a four-inch strap-on dildo tightly fastened around my head, the wrong way round, with the cockpart shoved into my mouth. I can just about breath through my nose, a sensation that reminds me a little of being chocked. This part was actually my idea: it's a relatively new addition to our 'game' and I love it already.
My hands are behind my back and under my bum, ready for you to come in and tie together. My knees are a little apart, revealing my newly shaved cunt, as per your orders, with three wooden clothes pegs attached to it: one on each side of my labia and one on my clit, which hurts a little, and is already swelling. Perfect for when you smack it, I think, shaking a little from the though.
I have a ribbed plug up my arse.
I have a blindfold on.
I am early, and you will probably be late, forcing me to stay in this position for some time, with the anticipation killing me.
I have laid out on the table the various things that you may need to dominate me with: a whip, lube, handcuffs, nipple clamps, several more wooden clothes pegs, another (much larger) dildo, and a video camera.
I like you to video me in these acts, and for us to watch the video back later. I enjoy seeing how pathetic I am, and how slutty, and how totally yours. Part of me wishes for you to show somebody else the video, to humiliate me even more by having one of your friends, or even one of my friends, seem me in this position.
This is my happy place.
The meeting ends and I am still describing it to myself in my head, having described my fake one to the doctor and pretended to feel good, thanking her and leaving, knowing that I will only truly feel good when I am once kneeling like this waiting for you.
I went home and wrote this, which is, essentially, me asking you to dominate me again.
It is also me saying that this time I will do anything you ask of me.
Do your worst.
Love,
your eternal slave.
* * *
So, I receive this letter, which my girlfriend has literally handwritten and sent to me in the post, and I think: ok, let's make her happy.
I start with a text: 'Received your letter. Come round to mine at eight o'clock this evening. Plug, ball gag, no knickers. Don't knock just come straight into the living room. Don't be late. At one minute passed eight I lock the door and go to bed.'
And then I invite the boys round for a bit of a laugh and a few beers -- the whole group chat -- and six of the nine lads say their free and will be round about sevenish. We divvy up who's bringing what: luckily as it's my gaff I don't need to worry about bringing anything, though little do they know that I'll be providing the entertainment after all.
By 7:30 everyone's here. I pass the letter round the room, and every has a read and a laugh, until I tell them the plan.
There are, obviously, a few unsure faces, though nobody takes up my offer of: 'if this is an issue for anyone, that's fine, just go home and no more'll be said.'
They all stay.
As the clock hits eight, the room goes deathly silent: at 8:01 there is a sense of disappointment in the room. I check my phone, to see if she's texted, and happily inform the group that the clock is a few minutes fast, and that it's actually only 7:58. So I go to the fridge and grab a few more beers, and when I get back she's standing in the completely silent living room.