"I love you."
Those words echoed in my head again and again. Why did she say that to me? Could she possibly have meant it the way I hoped? No, Dan, get that out of your head. But, I just couldn't.
Every time I thought about Tiffany, I would have pit in my stomach. I would feel nervous and excited. Were we on the precipice of something? I would be so happy with her and I would do whatever I could to make her happy. The idea of making her smile would be nothing but pure joy. But. But, she is married and spurned my advances when I had the chance. Even now, with all that was going on between us, she was trying to connect me with another woman. Those thoughts, or realizations, would send me into a feeling of helpless despair. All of these conflicting emotions were causing an internal turmoil unlike anything I had experienced before.
Normally, I would just try to control my thoughts by moving them to some other topic. But everything kept leading me back to Tiffany. My most basic response to deal with these feelings would be to go out and meet a girl for some meaningless fling. Of course, that sort of thing would not remove Tiffany from my mind, but it would serve to temporarily sedate the feelings I was having. But, of course, the device locked on me would not allow me that escape.
Even the most basic activities of my day would lead me back to Tiffany. Sitting in a chair or walking down the street would be enough for me feel the device. And feeling the device would make me think about Tiffany. I was trapped. My obvious and literal entrapment in the device had me mentally and emotionally trapped. Any frustration I had been feeling about my physical situation was dwarfed by the mental and emotional cage I was in.
Should I talk to her about my feelings? What if she didn't react well? What if she took the device off and insisted that we spend time apart so the feelings could be starved? No, I can't do that. The thought of being free of the device and Tiffany was just too much. I don't know when it happened, but I am now more afraid of what freedom from the device would entail than I fear continued imprisonment.
No. I wouldn't say anything to her about my feelings. I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize my relationship with her.
Weeks went by and I did whatever she expected. I went on dates. I attended some speed dating events. When I would report back to Tiffany, I would try to sound as enthusiastic as possible. In reality, I was only half there when I was chatting with other women. I was fixated on Tiffany and really couldn't bring myself to be interested in other women or what they had to say.
My life consisted of little more than going to work, setting up pointless dates, and waiting for my next visit from Tiffany.
Everything was going along about as smoothly as could be expected under the circumstances. That is until one afternoon visit. Normally, we started with me telling her about my dating experiences while rubbing her feet and then she would let me use the masturbation tube while hand cuffed. After cleaning up, we would have a beer or two and chat.
This particular afternoon, she said she was feeling very stressed because of work and wanted a strong drink. I made us a couple of cocktails. We sat a chatted for a while about her work and other things stressing her out. I wanted to give her a hug, but I opted to make her another cocktail instead. After 3 stiff drinks, she slipped off her shoes and asked me about my dating life. Without thinking about it, I got down on the floor and picked up her right foot to start to rub it. Before I got too far, Tiffany cleared her throat and said "Aren't your forgetting something?"
I then realized that in my buzzed state I had forgotten to strip before rubbing her feet. I quickly disrobed and continued rubbing her feet. I told her about my most recent dating experiences. She seemed a little buzzed but listened to me as rattled on. When I was done talking she placed her feet on my thighs.
"Look at how bad my toe nails are! The polish is chipping like crazy." She said.
"Yeah, they are chipping quite a bit, but your feet look nice anyway." I responded.
