Authors note: Hello everyone. Thank you everyone for the positive feedback and comments they continue to mean the world to me and have brightened my days. Thank you once again to Paul who continues to be my second set of eyes. ~ellie.
"What sort of mother could I possibly be?" Cat said desolately. She sat with David, talking quietly on the edge of the front porch overlooking the ocean, enjoying having her brother to herself, if only for a few minutes.
Ricco had moved quickly after Cat's break down the morning after receiving the letters from her grandfather, and after a brief conversation with Matteo, they had left the city for the house on the hill. They had left the staff to pack and follow them to the country. Both Matteo and Ricco had been attentive, appearing to have left their work in the city and relaxing with her as if the three of them were on holiday. They spent two days alone, with only the discreet household staff and the small initial security team with them. The weekend, though, brought many visitors, including David and his girlfriend.
"You raised me, and I turned out okay," David said honestly.
"I think that has more to do with Frankie and the football club rather than anything I did. You were hanging out with Ned's cronies before Frankie came along," Cat said sadly, admitting that any success David had now was not due to her influence.
"You don't think I would have done all that in the beginning if you didn't make me?" he asked incredulously. "You came to every training night, every game, even when you had to work a double to get the time off to come! You don't think I realised how important it was to me for you to do that? You don't think I realised all the sacrifices you made to make it happen?"
"I just showed up, David. You put in the effort, and Frankie made it possible for you," Cat sighed. "That wasn't me, it was all you."
"You're wrong, you made it possible!" he sighed and held up his hand. "I'm not going to argue about it with you, just trust me, I know you are going to be the best mother ever, because you already are. On top of that, you and I both have a very clear picture of what a bad mother looks like, and I know you would never do that to your own child."
"I'm pregnant," she blurted, knowing that David was talking, as she always had, in the far away someday kind of way.
"Wow, you didn't waste any time!" David looked at her in astonishment. "That's awesome; I'm gonna be an uncle for real! I suddenly have all these new in-laws, but being an uncle, that's gonna be awesome! I promise I will be there for him and teach him how to play footy! It's gonna be great!" David said enthusiastically, giving his sister a tight hug. "You are going to be the most awesome mother, because I'm going to be around to make sure! Whatever you need I'm gonna do it, not just for the kid, but for you! I'm surprised Matt hasn't been handing out cigars to everyone in sight!" David chuckled.
"It's early days; we were just going to wait for a little before making the announcement. You know, to be sure about it," Cat admitted.
"Be sure about what? It's too late now, Cat!" He looked at her aghast. "You couldn't just get rid of it because you're scared! For fuck's sake, you wouldn't, would you?" He asked in horror, surprising her. "Just because our parents were fuck ups doesn't mean we will be! And look at the man you married, he's a great guy, perfect father material! Your kids are not going to want for anything, especially love, if I have anything to do with it!"
"I'm not worried about Matt, or anyone in this huge family, it's me. What if I can't do it? What if this baby comes and I don't love it enough, or can't feed it, or..." she stopped herself from voicing her concern that, like her mother, she would hate her children enough to ignore them and let them starve or fend for themselves.
"Then we get you the help you need to get over it. No one ever did that for our mother. No one cared enough, I guess. She cared more about her next fix than fixing her problems or us. You aren't like that, and I know Matt would never let you or a child of his suffer like that!" David said with absolute conviction. "You're not her, Cat, you were never like her. You made sure I had what I needed every time before worrying about yourself. There is no need to be scared, trust me, you are nothing like her."
Cat burst into tears again, her anxiety ebbed slowly under the onslaught of her brother's words, and he held her tightly again. David hadn't expected the tears, and he wondered if he had been too quick in dismissing her fears. He'd been a shit to her in the past, and just when he believed he had got himself together enough to help her out, the Vitali's had come along and swept her up in their powerful family. He didn't want to let her down now.
Cat had decided she wasn't going to tell David about the mysterious grandfather, at least not until they had done some investigations of their own and proved it to be true. The fact they probably didn't have the same father weighed heavily on her when he spoke of their parents, and made her cry all the more. She hated crying, but she found since the abduction that was all she seemed to do lately when in serious conversations. Maybe she did need to confide in Isaiah and find out if the sudden constant teariness was really caused by her messed up hormones.
Now that she had told David, she felt a little better about the pregnancy. While he had dismissed her concerns, he hadn't dismissed the memory of the woman that made her question her own ability to parent, and had validated those feelings. She hadn't told Matteo or Ricco of her fears. They had their own issues where their mother was concerned, she knew, and didn't want to burden them with her dark thoughts.
It was David's girlfriend, Tracey, that eventually found them still sitting on the front porch and interrupted the siblings. The house on the hill teamed with people. Knox and Hugh, along with the security team and household staff, had taken up residence in the guest's rooms on the first floor. The house was, Cat realised, far too small for the family with their extra responsibilities, just as Matteo had said. She considered once again if the proposition of creating a whole new house, rather than renovating and adding onto the house, was a better idea.
The house was already immense, in her opinion, or at least she had always thought of it that way before coming here with the addition of several family members and their ever-growing staff and security. She looked out over the rolling sea and sighed. If they built anywhere else, they would never have this view. The view she loved and so inspired her. The view that was the main reason she had wanted to keep the house instead of letting Matteo sell or demolish it because of his memories of Nik being here.
Arturo and Logan had arrived on the Saturday with some of her art supplies, as well as the building plans for the house as it was now, and she had smiled. The supplies and plans the two younger men brought with them were just what she needed to truly consider the enormity of the task they were about to undertake. Now she just had to find a way to get the men that she loved to give her a little alone time to think without worrying that she would fall to pieces again.
She had known that, although he never looked at it in front of her, Matteo's phone constantly buzzed in his pocket, and she was sure Ricco's was the same, though his didn't buzz so obviously. She felt bad that she was keeping them from their work and their family, but each time she tried to reassure them that she was happy and content to watch a movie or go horse riding with Bradbury while they worked they had shaken their heads and offered to do those things with her themselves. They exhausted her each evening, even without the red room and all the equipment it contained. She slept deeply enough each night that she didn't know how late they had both stayed up going through the messages and emails they had received that day and talking in late night conferences. She knew they were relying on the other men of their family to follow up on all the investigations required following the revelations in the files her grandfather had sent them.
Saturday had also brought Lucca, who had chafed at being left behind until Zachary had cleared him to travel. Isaiah had come with him to ensure he would rest his leg and not overdo anything after his head injury. The house took on a party atmosphere, and all Cat's plans for having some alone time went out of the window as she greeted guests and was forced to be sociable. She was glad to see David arrive and have their conversation about parenthood. Each time she saw him she wished she could spend more time with him. They had always been so close, so dependent on each other, and now it was as if a great chasm was widening between them that she couldn't stop.
