It was a non-descript ordinary beige trenchcoat with green plaid flannel lining. My father had left it behind when he moved out, and my mother had given it to me, thinking it might ease my pain to have something of his around. I always thought of it as an odd symbol of abandonment, of unfulfilled dreams of what a father should be in a daughter's eyes. It hung in exile in the back of my closet ... close enough for me to see, far enough away that I didn't have to deal with it on a daily basis. Even though the deep pain of the separation and divorce of my parents was long gone, that coat still hung there. Often I thought I should get rid of it, but I couldn't bring myself to do that. It always meant sadness and longing to me ... until you came along, and gave that coat a whole new meaning.
You and I had been close for a while. You came into my life at a time when outwardly I seemed to not need you; but inside .... ahhhh, yes ... inside I was yearning for someone just such as you giving me gentle, manly guidance: a sense of dominant control over me without being overbearing. We were friends and we were partners in this love affair, but there was never any doubt that you were in the lead. We spent a lot of time sharing our lives and doling out our individual stories to one another in small increments, lacing our deeply intense chats with innuendos and then blatant sexual playfulness, teasing each other until we could finally stand it no longer.
Our first real sexual encounter was just short of explosive - - your hands and mouth explored parts of me long ago left untouched. It was your willingness to take control without forcing me to relinquish all of mine that kept me on the edge. Your hands were strong against my body; you voice, while a mere whisper, filled my head with its wanton directions that made my very core sing. Together we explored the world of role play, with me your willing submissive; submitting over and over again to your orchestration of my complete and utter pleasure. Never before in my entire life had I felt so free and so safe with any man, or so unconditionally accepted in every way by one. Not even my father could make me feel that way.
So, when your phone call came, my insides went to jelly the minute I heard your husky voice: "I want you to come to my office at 5:25 today. Not many will be here. You know where my cubicle is. I want you to wear that trenchcoat in the back of your closet and your heels. Nothing else."
My voice left me as did my breath at the mention of the trenchcoat. I had forgotten it was there, and it held such ... such ... heartbreak for me. I didn't even know you knew ..... oh, wait. Yes. I had told you the story, yet you asked for the trenchcoat anyway. "Y-y-yessir.." I choked into the phone and hung up. My knees crumpled and I grasped for the wall to steady myself. 'oh, god,' I thought, 'I don't know if I can do this!' but deep inside I not only knew I could, but I knew if I did it, you would see to it that my submission would be well rewarded.
'Okay ... just breathe', I thought as I righted myself and went to the bedroom and threw open the closet doors. There it hung. In the back. Where it always had hung. My heart suddenly fell to my feet, and I felt my initial resolve draining from me. I backed to the bed, and pulled your pillow to me ... the one you always slept on when you stayed with me. Holding it to my face, I breathed deeply, pulling your scent into my lungs as if I were trying to pull your strength into me as well. I sobbed into the pillow ... I don't know if I can do this. The phone's loud jangling next to the bed startled me. I looked at the clock, almost as an impulse. It was 4:45. It would take me 15 minutes or so to get to your office, so I needed to collect myself, but instead I reached for the phone.
Your voice washed over me. "Baby, you can do this," you said as if you knew what I was thinking and feeling at that very moment without me having to say a word. "Come to me. Trust me"
Weakly, I responded, "okay" as I hung up. I pulled my heels onto my feet. I am so awkward in these things! I prayed I wouldn't break my ankle and then have to explain to the paramedics why I was at your office, naked, covered only by a trenchcoat. They'd arrest me for being a flasher, or worse yet, a hooker! Not to mention the fact that I hate my body (even though you seem to love it pretty well), so we were going to be dealing with a cacophony of fears and pain swirled inside the intense need I have for you. I think you are already well aware of this, and this is why you directed me to wear what I was wearing.
As I pulled the trenchcoat from the closet, it smelled of cedar (I use it to keep the moths away), yet inexplicably, I suddenly caught a faint whiff of my father. I was instantly teleported back to when he used to wear this coat as he ran out the door to meeting after meeting, coming in late, pulling the coat off and hanging it on the rack before retreating into the television or into the bedroom. Oh, how I wanted him to see me! Oh, how I loved watching for this very coat to get out of the car .... hoping THIS time would be the time when he would sweep me up and take me for a walk, or ask about my day. But that never happened, and then one day, he just left. Gone. This coat was all that remained, a quiet reminder of the comfort I so desperately needed from him. I wrapped the coat around me, hoping that as the soft flannel warmth of it enveloped me, it would provide some answers. It didn't. I cinched the belt tight over my naked body anyway. 'Maybe this time', I thought, 'this coat will lead me to what I've been searching for.'
Driving to your office, my whole body was aquiver. I felt as if my very womb would jump right out and do a little dance on the dashboard and scream "LOOK AT ME!! I'M NAKED!" I just knew every person in every car that passed me thought me to be a complete wanton slut .... that they all knew I was just wearing a coat over my less-than-perfect body. I slid my sunglasses on, hoping their darkness would somehow shield the world from knowing my agenda.
Finally, I pulled into the parking garage at your building, and made my way very carefully across the lot and into the elevator. I danced from foot to foot (those damn shoes hurt!) and prayed aloud that no one would get on this elevator car with me. I began to breathe again only when the doors slid open at your floor. I stepped out into the hallway and down to your office suite. I heard the sound of vacuum cleaners .... the cleaning people were in the building, so who else was there? I had to shake my head to get that thought out of there rather quickly, otherwise I would've turned on my rather teetery heel and ran back to the elevator.
You heard me open the door to the office suite, and you heard my heels against the tile floor coming down the cubicle row. As I reached the opening to your cubicle, you shot your arm out and encircled my waist, pulling me roughly into the small space where you work day in and day out. Backing up with me still in tow, you sat down onto your office chair and pulled me into your lap, grasping the back of my head and pulling me to you in a deep kiss. Your mouth possessed mine wetly, your tongue engaging mine in an erotic dance that, when it was over, left us both breathless. You still held me by the back of my head by you right hand, my upper body slightly supported by your strong forearm, your fingers delicately playing with my curls as you pulled your face from mine.
"Well, hello, beautiful," you said, chuckling as I blushed deeply, "you sure follow instructions well ...." Your left hand snaked inside the top of the trenchcoat that was now completely askew on my body and gaping to show just enough leg and breast without being completely tawdry. You felt me tense as your hand found my breast, brushing your fingertips against my chest and then against the nipple.
"Easy, baby .... you're gonna like this..." you breathed against my skin as your mouth kissed me openly on the collarbone, pressing insistently against me. You snaked your tongue out and ran it from my collarbone to my breastbone, then down until the trenchcoat's buttons stopped you just above the valley that runs between my breasts. Your mouth felt so good. So comforting and yet so wickedly wanton. You raised your face up from savoring the flavor of my skin.
