This first chapter is pretty fluffy romance with a little bit of light kink. I do hope to write more, maybe even some stuff post college. I think the beginnings pretty rough, reading back over it now, but I don't think I'm a strong enough writer to fix it.
CHAPTER 1
It can be difficult having dangerous fantasies. They cloud the periphery of your thoughts and spread like smoke with the flickers of your desire. I spent years feeling invisible and desperate. In high school I usually found what attention I did get, a little bit confusing. I had an edgy style which seemed to either scare people off or make them think I would be the forceful one in a relationship. When I started college, I started making small risky choices, in hopes that my life would get more exciting. I went for walks alone as the sun was setting. My clothes got skimpier and I tried to flirt more. There were a few guys at the college that I kind of liked. A couple professors that I found somewhat distracting. None of them seemed interested in me.
No one wants to be raped, I didn't really either. I did want something close to it. Close enough that it felt wrong. I was also scared that what I actually wanted just wasn't realistic or wouldn't end well.
I knew this wasn't the smartest way to behave, but it was like a compulsion. No one noticed or took advantage of my foolishness. Hell, I wasn't doing anything that a girl shouldn't be able to do safely. Society was behaving like it's supposed to. At some point I accepted that I wasn't the type of girl that got the kind of attention that I wanted. I felt guilty and silly for even trying. I managed to distract myself with erotica. I dug out the books that I read in high school. It was comfortable to return to fantasy worlds, like I had done so much of my life. I stopped trying to force myself into social situations and took up the habit of reading during any lul or break in the day. I didn't really have any good friends anyway so it was easy to recede back into the background on campus.
When I was looking for new reading material, I found some websites that hosted short stories and allowed pornagraphic content. Some of it was really good, comparable to some of the books I had, but of course there were varying levels of quality and lots of different tastes represented. I had never thought of myself as a writer, but maybe it could be fun.
I spent a couple of weeks mulling over the idea of writing some erotica, but I wasn't sure how to start. They say to write what you know... but honestly most of my real world sex expierence was a little underwhelming.
One afternoon I was sitting in the library and I saw a man with pale green eyes and sandy blond hair. He held himself with a lot of confidence and he was very pleasant to look at. Something about him reminded me of the twins that lived next door to me when I was a kid. That thought led me back to a long forgotten memory. Well, more of a fantasy really. I had an embarrassing crush on the slightly older boys, but they were kind of mean. Sometimes when I couldn't sleep, I would admit to myself how they made me feel. There was a treehouse in the woods near our neighborhood. None of us kids knew who built it, but the brothers would often try to claim it and keep the other kids out. My imagination conjured up the idea of the twins tricking me into the treehouse and tying me up. Keeping me there and exploring my body. Making me do things and using me. I wasn't sure where I got the idea back then, but the premise still appealed to me.
When I got home, I made myself a sandwich and locked myself in my room before my roommate could appear. The sun was beginning to set as I pulled out my laptop and got to typing. I told my early fantasy with as much vibrancy as I could muster. I didn't have any trouble adjusting it to be about college students. In the story the men had built the treehouse in their own backyard when they were younger. I used my memory of the man from the library to describe them and it made it even more exciting. It was very late by the time I posted it to the smut websites "non-con" category.
The next morning I felt better than usual and I put a little more time into my makeup and outfit. I matched my eyeshadow to my mint green tights and wore a black skater dress that made me feel good. I only had a couple of classes that day and I strolled over to the cafeteria to grab a quick lunch before I headed home. Some acquaintances from high school were sitting at a table with the green eyed guy. He seemed to be telling a story and they were hanging on his every word. I was a little startled, but I tried not to show it as a flush bloomed on my cheeks. I kept walking to go order. I deflated in the line. This was silly, why was I such a hormonal nut over someone that I didn't even know. Maybe spending all of my time in fantasy worlds was taking its toll on my behavior.
I looked at some dating apps and sites on my phone but I didn't feel like they were for me. I wasn't sure why, I guess maybe I was just afraid. I got a salad with extra chickpeas to go and ate it at the bus stop. I noticed that my story had been liked by a few people and I distracted myself with ideas for my next story.
After I got caught up on my homework, I wrote a scene involving a professor set in a dark corner of the labyrinthian library. A fantasy that I drifted to frequently. I felt so frustrated with only living out my fantasies in written words or in my head. In a moment of intense desperation I pulled up a dating app on my phone and made a profile before I could chicken out. It had the option of linking a website or social media and after a moment of hesitation, I linked my treehouse story. That would probably scare away anyone who actually read it and save me some embarrassment.
I was sitting by myself in the cafeteria when I noticed that I had a message in the app.
Benjamin would like to message you (Accept) or (Deny) My heart lurched at the semi-familiar sight of the green eyed man that I had only seen twice, staring at me from the small profile picture. I clicked accept and unconsciously held my breath while it loaded.
"Hello Claire, I believe that I've seen you around the campus before but haven't met you yet. I am also a writer and I found your story very interesting. I would love to meet you and maybe go on a date." I was shocked. As a slightly heavier girl, who's never gotten a lot of attention, this guy just seemed like a daydream to me. He was really gorgeous and he said he was a writer. Could this be some kind of trick? He even said he read my story... oh shit, he had read a story that I wrote where two men that matched his physical description abducted and raped the point of view character. Fear hummed down my back and my stomach clenched, but I was also excited.
"Hello Benjamin, I think that I recognize you too. I wouldn't really consider myself a writer, but thank you and I would love to read some of your writing. Do you want to meet up somewhere on campus first? I realized that my hand was shaking slightly from adrenaline, so I set my phone down for a second and took a deep breath. I didn't get a chance to calm myself as I immediately noticed Benjamin sitting across the cafeteria, staring straight at me with a self satisfied smirk. My phone buzzed and I checked it, to see that he had responded,
"May I join you?"
"Yes, of course' I texted back, trying not to panic. After checking his phone, he stood and strode across the room with the purpose and grace of a hunting mountain lion. His slim, muscular silhouette was striking in black denim and a light grey t-shirt.
"It's a pleasure to meet you Claire." he said, as he sat across from me. My mind felt blank in that frustrating way that accompanies fear and arousal. I sat up a little straighter, suddenly very self-conscious about the swell of tummy under my skirt.
