The Things Done to Me

Author's Note: The following story contains themes of mind control, incest (cousin, non-blood related), and nonconsent. No sex or sexual situations occur in this chapter. Depiction of psychological therapy may not be accurate to real-life norms and practices. All characters are above the age of 18. I want to thank my wife for editing and my friend Ann for her encouragement.

My name is Persephone Winther, and I just had my first therapist appointment with Dr. Beatrice Angioli. After three long hours of intense scrutiny of what happened to me and how I felt about it, my therapist told me to write it all down. If I was going to write it all down anyway, why the hell did I just spend three hours with Dr. Angioli telling her my deepest darkest secrets?! And crying. Lots of fucking crying. I'm completely emotionally wrung out, and instead of giving me a chance to breathe, she wants me to start a daily journal before next session? She does realize I have three sessions with her this week, doesn't she? Ugh!

I'm not going to focus on my ex-husband, or my injury, or the COVID lockdown. No. All of those things are fucked up enough to justify time in the therapist's chair, but I've been raked over the coals enough about those subjects today. I just want to talk about what I've learned since Vince stopped me from brainwashing myself, seeing as we really didn't get to that during my appointment with Dr. Angioli.

I find it interesting that the hypnosis and conditioning videos I watched used several different means of influencing me. The first and most innocuous is the use of my own voice, manipulated to sound exactly how I hear my voice. Ever cringe when you hear a recording of your voice? That's because the acoustics of your skull change the way you hear your voice. So it tricked my brain into thinking I was saying those things - over and over again. Which, of course, I was, but this amplified the effect.

They also used subliminal visual and auditory messages, binaural beats, sleep deprivation, sexual stimulation, orgasm conditioning, neuro-linguistic programming, and several other methods that the U.S. government has classified as top-secret. Or at least I'm told. I don't want to know.

The most powerful technique they used? They convinced me to do it to myself. They convinced me that I wanted to be brainwashed. And towards the end of the experience, I even wanted to be sold into sexual slavery. Try to wrap your head around that because I still can't. Worse, sometimes I find that I still want it...

That brings me to my other problem: my attraction to Vince. I love him in several ways - as a friend, as a cousin, and as both a little and big brother. I could easily fall in love with him romantically. I want that more than anything! Seeing as there were never any blood relations between us, and soon to be no legal relations between us, I feel that we could actually be together.

It hurts that he won't accept me as his sub yet, but I get it. He doesn't want me to make the mistake of jumping into something so soon after such a long series of traumatic events. He's protecting me. However, there had always been something between us from the first day we met as children. Three months is an unreasonable amount of time... At least, that's what my heart tells me.

And why the hell can't he teach me about BDSM without being my Dom? I mean, I think he owes that much to me after invading my privacy like that! Not that he didn't have his reasons. It still feels like a violation of trust... I should talk to him about that, but talking with him has been awkward.

The good news is that I finally got my scleral prosthetic fitted! I'm surprised they let me do it, considering the pandemic, but I'm happy they did. A scleral prosthetic is like a covering for a blinded eye that makes it look almost exactly like the other side. It's semi-permanent, so I don't have to take it in or out regularly - in fact, I'm not supposed to. I can sleep with it, shower, I can cry, and the prosthetic moves almost naturally. 'Almost' is good enough. It's hand-painted and custom-made; it's beautiful. I didn't realize how pretty my eyes were until I tried comparing my right eye with the prosthetic. They did a fantastic job, and I feel less self-conscious wearing it.

I'm also supposed to start work next week on a limited basis. Dr. Angioli thinks it will help normalize my day and ease me back into everyday life. Four hours a day - that's it. Six hours the next week, if I feel up to it. Then a 40 hour week, if Dr. Angioli signs off on it. I have to submit paperwork to my work tomorrow detailing that schedule.

That is my life right now. If that isn't enough of a journal entry for Dr. Beatrice Angioli, I'm afraid she's just going to have to live with it. Seriously - I'm wrung out, and I want to take a break tomorrow from all the drama. She can wring me out again on Wednesday.

_____________

When Persephone exited her bedroom, she saw Vince on the couch, watching the news and eating cantaloupe in his workout sweat pants and shirt. She quietly headed towards the kitchen.

"You were in there for quite some time..." he said.

"First therapy session was everything I dreamed! Three hours of crying and uncomfortable conversation about all the hurt and pain of the last three and a half months? I hope I get to do it again soon..." she feigned excitement.

"You do," Vince said. "Wednesday."

"Please, don't remind me," she said as she opened the refrigerator door and took out a bottle of lemonade.

"It was longer than three hours," he remarked.

"She had me write a journal entry."

"Oh."

"How's work?" she asked as she poured herself a glass.

"I'm on my lunch break. It's almost time for me to get back - not that they time me or anything, but I do have a quota to fill," Vince explained.

"I see. Did you want to...?" Persephone started to ask.

"What?"

"Never mind." "We can talk later - I don't want to interrupt your work." Persephone put the bottle back into the refrigerator and then turned to her room with her lemonade.

"Okay - we'll talk this evening," he said with a nervous smile.

She nodded at Vince and closed the door behind her. "That was... awkward," she mumbled to herself.

She sat down at her desk and looked up the gaming folder on her computer. It was full of older games, many of which she'd never played before. Persephone found it endearing that Vince thought to install them for her to try. She was scrolling through the games when her cell phone rang.

"Hello?" she answered, then sipped her lemonade.

"Hello. It's your Aunt Billie. Vince told me what happened. I just wanted to talk and see what I could do to help," she said.

"Maybe tell Vince not to be so weird around me. It's like he's a completely different person - I've never seen him like this!"

"What is he doing exactly?" Billie asked.

"Just avoiding me - not talking to me. I thought we had gotten over that last week, but it's just become... awkward," Persephone explained.

"I've seen him act like that before," Billie said. "The first time Sophia used her safe word with him, it didn't register at first, and he took one more swing at her. He was mortified when he realized what he had done. He immediately apologized and felt so guilty that he wouldn't look her in the eye for a week."

"Sophia - your sub?" Persephone raised an eyebrow.

"Yes. Vince told you about her?"

"Only that he tried to pick her up at a fetish club, which is how you found him..."

"Sophia volunteered to help Vince learn how to be Dom," Billie answered. "She did a good job with him, too. It takes a good sub to train up a good Dom."

"He said you mentored him..." Persephone said with a puzzled look.

"Oh, I may have guided him a bit, but good submissives have a way of teaching Doms, even if it's unintentional. Sophia, however, was very intentional - she knew what she was doing when she used her safeword," Billie explained. "She was testing him."

Persephone took another sip of her lemonade. "And he failed, of course."

"Yes - he did, but not for the reason you think. He took Sophia's use of the safe word very hard. He failed because, instead of communicating with her, he shut down and shut her out," Billie said.

"How did she get through to him?"

"I brought him the cat-o-nine and asked him to try again," said a voice Persephone recognized.

"Who's that?" Persephone asked as she sat more upright.

"I'm Sophia. I thought I'd introduce myself instead of having Mistress Billie refer to me in the third person while I sit here, listening."

"Your voice sounds familiar... Have we met?"

"No, but... have you watched any amateur BDSM videos? I recorded a few six or seven years ago. Young sub, waxing eloquent about being submissive or something like that?" Sophia asked.

"Uh, yes?" Persephone's eyes widened when it dawned on her where she'd seen Sophia. "Oh my god - I've seen you naked!"

A peel of laughter erupted from Billie on the other end of the phone. "That's what you focus on?" Sophia asked as she struggled to contain her laughter.

"I mean, it's just a little strange to meet someone for the first time and only know what they look like naked," Persephone argued.

"Not if you're in my circle of friends. I tell you what - next time, we can do a video conference so you can see what I look like dressed," Sophia offered.

"But I'm not wrong - it's like meeting your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend," she said as she took a gulp of her drink.

"Then I guess I shouldn't tell you how Vince learned orgasm control," Sophia countered. Billie was still snickering in the background.

"Wait. You and Vince had sex?"

"Please - don't freak out. The training involved no emotional attachment. We were under the supervision of either my Master or my Mistress the whole time. Vince is a good friend, but he is

just

a friend," Sophia said.

"This is all really weird," Persephone said. "What, did you say Master

and

Mistress?"

"Maybe I did... Listen, if you're going to be a BDSM submissive, you're going to find yourself surrounded by various weird but wonderful people. It just goes with the territory. We're a very open-minded and diverse group. You have to be equally as open-minded if you're going to fit in."

"How open-minded?"

"It comes down to three words," Sophia answered. "Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Anything and everything that can happen within those parameters is open-game. No kink-shaming and no slut-shaming - unless you're into that, of course."

"That's, uh, pretty open-minded..." she said as she leaned back in her chair.

"Yeah, it is. But, hey - I've got a thing I have to do, but I want you to know you can call me anytime you want. If you're going to be Vince's first sub, you're going to need a support system; I'm here for that, okay?" Sophia said.

"Okay," Persephone said. "Thank you."

"It was nice meeting you. Bye," Sophia said before she hung up the phone.

"Wait - did she say I would be his

first

sub?" Persephone asked the empty room.

_____________

The whole kitchen/living room area was filled with the smell of mirepoix, thyme, cracked pepper, and cooked chicken. Vince was forming and tossing dough balls into his chicken and dumplings stew. The only thing different from his mother's recipe was the addition of collard greens and a touch of cayenne pepper. 'If she wants to talk, we'll talk over a meal worth talking over,' he thought as he dropped the last dumpling in. Then, just as he covered the pot, he saw Persephone approaching.

To his shame, he couldn't stop his eyes from traveling her body. She was wearing tight jeans and a red blouse that had a plunging neckline. She wore no shoes, no jewelry, no makeup, and her hair fell as it would naturally. He couldn't help but feel his heart beat an extra time as he spied what was in her hand; a cat-o-nine.

She dropped to her knees when she reached him and held out the cat as she gazed up at him. He shifted uncomfortably, like a wolf forced to heel, as he envisioned using the cat-o-nine on her. Yet, there was sadness in her expression that made his arms ache to hold her.

"What is this?" he said after a moment of hesitation.

"Aunt Billie said this was how Sophia got you to talk after she first used her safeword." She bit her lip and waited.

"She told you about that, did she?" He frowned.

"She did. And Sophia said I would be your first sub."

"Great. Remind me to yell at them both the next time I see them." Vince shook his head. "I thought we agreed that we'd wait three months to talk about this..."

"I changed my mind. Three months is too long, and as long as it's talk, I don't see what the problem -"

"You're not in your right mind," Vince interrupted.

"I'm not making any decisions," Persephone countered. "And I know I'm still being affected by the conditioning. Do you know how I can tell? There's a voice in the back of my head that screams at me to do exactly as you say - that I'm not to question you or talk back to you - but I'm here, telling you that we need to have this conversation and that I need you to support me."

Vince sighed and looked down at the cat-o-nine that Persephone was holding up to him. "Fine," he said as he took the cat from her. "Please set the table. We're having chicken and dumplings."

"Your mother's chicken and dumplings?!" Persephone bounced up with excitement.

"No. My chicken and dumplings. It's very much like my mother's with minor tweaks."

"You put healthy shit in there, didn't you?" she asked as she got plates and bowls out of a kitchen cabinet.

"Collard greens. I cut down on the salt a little. I use fluffy dumplings instead of potato dumplings..." he said.

"Boo!" she said as she reached around him for utensils.

"Potato dumplings are too heavy!" he countered.

"The potato dumplings are my favorite part!" Persephone insisted.

"Trust me - you'll like this. I make everything fresh."

"Fine," she huffed.

Persephone finished setting the table, Vince filled each of their bowls, and then they sat down across from each other. He watched as Persephone took a tentative bite of a dumpling and watched her expression. She nodded appreciatively.

"So, how shall we begin?" he asked before taking a bite.

"How many other subs have you, uh, dominated?" she asked. "I'm not sure I know the right term..."

"Are you jealous?"

"Maybe. Yes," Persephone conceded.

"I've played with two subs - three if you include the switch I played with," he admitted.

"Switch?"

"Someone who switches between being a Dom and a sub."

"Oh," she hesitated before taking another bite of her food.

"He was, uh, interesting. He kept trying to top from the bottom, though," he said.

"He? You're Bi? Top from the bottom? What?"

"I didn't have sex with him - I just indulged his masochistic tendencies. Although I will admit, I was curious," Vince said. "I guess I'd have to teach you more about BDSM lingo."

"That would be helpful - yes," she nodded and watched him take another bite. "What is it like to be a Dom?"

He put down his spoon and leaned back. "You ask all the easy questions, don't you?"

"I just want to understand what it feels like for you. I mean - I know how it feels for me, but -"

"It's difficult to explain," he interrupted. "I have this darkness within me - a wolf that's only barely held in check by a thin leash. Frustration, anger, pain. I want to be the villain."

"You've never been a villain," Persephone assured him as she reached out. He pulled away.

"You're right. I've always been the nice guy - the safe guy. I was the friend and shoulder to cry on when some bad boy hurt the girl I was currently crushing on. And when I wasn't 'just-a-friend,' I was the backup boyfriend." He looked away from Persephone and clenched his jaw. "It was particularly hard watching you; I thought you deserved so much better."

"I always loved you for that. You were my knight in shining armor..."

"That's the other half of it. Being a Dom is a safe way to let loose that darkness - to be the villain that I need to be - and then turn around and be the knight she needs. Both sides are satisfied. I treat her like my plaything - ravage her, bind her, inflict pain upon her, and make her beg me to cum. Then I treat her like my princess - care for her wounds, tell her she was a good girl, and pamper her."

Persephone shifted in her seat and let out a deep sigh. "That's... Is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Vince smirked. "Do you know what was hot? When you kneeled in front of me and held out the cat-o-nine. It took everything I had not to grab you by the throat, strip you, tie you down, and use the cat on you. I wanted so bad to take you and show you just how cruel I could be..."

She looked away from him. "If you keep talking like that, I'm going to have to change my underwear."

"You started it," he said before taking another bite.

"I could, honestly, fall completely in love with you." She looked back up at him. "I hope you realize that."

"Yes. And I was telling the truth when I said that you were the one against who I compared all other women. Under different circumstances, I wouldn't have hesitated to pursue you." He reached out and took her hand.

"If we had met under different circumstances, what would be our song?" Persephone asked.

He looked at her with bemusement. "I have no idea. I can tell you want I'd like our song to be if this - if we - become a thing."

"Okay," she encouraged as she released his hand.

"3 Libras by A Perfect Circle. It's a song about being overlooked, about longing for something you can't have. I felt that way about you for a long time, and I never thought I'd have the chance to admit it to you," Vince said.

"Sounds about right," she smiled.

"What about you? What song would you choose?" he asked.

"Every Breath You Take by The Police."

"You do realize that song is about a stalker, don't you?" he pointed out.

"Maybe I want to be stalked and desired to the point of it being frightened. Possessed. Taken..." Persephone's eyes glazed over as she looked off into the distance. "Used," she muttered.

Vince cleared his throat. "Are you sure that isn't the conditioning speaking?"

Persephone shook her head as if coming out from a dream. "That was, yes, a little bit of that was conditioning - but not all of it," she admitted. "Some of it is just wanting to be wanted."

"You don't make this easy, Sephie," he said as he collapsed back into his chair. "I'm trying to protect you from making a mistake you'd regret, and you're tempting me to make a mistake I'd regret."

"I'm not trying to make it easy. I want this," she whispered.

"I think we should put aside this discussion for now," he suggested. "Want to watch something together?"

"Can I cuddle with you?" she asked as she held out her hand.

He took her hand. "Sure."

_____________

"Hello, Ms. Winther - it's Scarlet Belliveau. I just received your doctor's notice," she said to Persephone from the other side of the phone.

"Oh - uh..." Persephone dropped the tablet she was using. The television screen in front of her bed displayed a website with various pieces of wearable fetish gear, "I was just doing a little research for my return back."

"Research?" Scarlet asked.

"Yeah, I was thinking of taking wedding design in a new direction. But I don't have anything to give you yet - I'm still brainstorming," she said.

"Technically speaking, you shouldn't do anything work-related while you're still on leave."

Persephone shrugged. "Then consider this personal curiosity. I'm sorry - you were saying?"

"Well, I wanted to let you know that everything is in order, and we'll be following the doctor's orders to the letter. That means I expect that you'll limit yourself to working 20 hours next week." Scarlet said. "I'm not pushing you to meet quotas until you're back to full time."