The Soft Boy Prison Ch 07

In the three days that Casper was confined to his cell, he did a lot of thinking. He thought about Jane a lot and how happy he was that it was working out between them albeit under restricted circumstances. It made him consider his previous relationship, or simply an occurrence, that transpired between him and Ellie whom he worked within the thieves.

Casper had never had a girlfriend before; he had crushes on some girls when he was in high school but was too shy to approach any of them or ask them out. Also, living in a household with an abusive alcoholic father didn't help his confidence and sense of self-worth. When he moved out of his house, he started using dating apps for the first time, but found he barely got any matches, and when he did the girl texting him would stop replying after only a couple of messages.

He remembered when he worked in the kitchen, the chefs were astonished at the fact that he was seventeen and still a virgin. They asked if he was gay, and he didn't understand why they would come to this conclusion. Surely gay people have as much sex as straight people, how does being a virgin equal being gay, he thought. The chefs he worked with all admitted or claimed to have had sex for the first time when they were fourteen or fifteen. Casper never once thought about the "right age" to have sex until they said these things to him. They would go on to mock him in the kitchen saying things like, "Yer no gonna find yer hole under there Casper." when he bent down under units to look for things, or "Caspers a wee virgin and no lassies like him." They claimed to be joking but it didn't make him feel good.

He felt lonely, there was only himself in his bed and flat. He started to wonder if there was something wrong with him, meeting a girl when you're a teenager, going on dates, and having sex was normal right? It was happening to everyone else. Was there something wrong with him? Some nights he held his hands together and imagined it was someone else holding them, even if it was just for a moment, to imagine someone was there for him and he wasn't so alone.

He imagined how nice it would be to have a girlfriend, go on dates, and laugh and joke together. How they could hold each other and feel so close and happy to be together. Maybe it would have been nice to even just have close friends, he could have, but he was too nervous to try and socialise, putting himself out there. The people he worked with at the restaurant made him scared of talking to anyone else without the fear of being judged or mocked. He thought he was pathetic, and no woman would ever want a stupid boy like him anyway.

The thought of dating and socialising was put on hold when the war started and became a permanent fixture in the back of his mind since. Survival was all that mattered. Until one night when he was with the thieves. The group had successfully raided a supply lorry earlier that day and were celebrating with some of the booze and drugs they had stolen. They partied loudly in the ground floor area of the hideout while Casper lay on his hammock upstairs drawing on his sketchpad and wearing ear defenders to keep out the noise.

He was drawing a picture of one of his favourite anime characters Tomoko Kuroki from Watamote eating an ice cream on a beach, when he felt a touch on his shoulder. Jolting he looked up and saw Ellie standing over him smiling with a bottle of beer in her hand. She had been in the thieves for at least as long as he had. She was well versed when it came to weapons, she knew how to repair rifles, fix and adjust scopes and showed Casper how to properly take apart and clean his pistol. She was a great asset to the group. Casper and Ellie had somewhat of a decent relationship, she was quiet and didn't make fun of him like the others would. He couldn't say he got to know her desperately well in this time, but he had no reason to think ill of her. He wondered why she wanted to see him.

"Drawing another one of your manga girls?" she asked.

"Yeah." replied Casper closing the sketchbook.

"Aw c'mon let me see." she said prying the book from his hands.

"Hey!" Casper exclaimed. Ellie flicked through the pages examining them.

"These are really good Casper. Your drawings are great." she flicked through more pages.

"Please, can you give it back." he asked.

"Hold on, I'm just looking". she flicked another page revealing an illustration of a naked woman touching herself.

"Oh." Ellie said abruptly. Casper blushed looking down embarrassed.

"I think her boobs are a bit big, and her tummy looks a bit small to match with it." commented Ellie.

Casper covered his hands on his face. Ellie laughed, "Whatever, you like to draw your sexy manga girls. Anyway, are you not wanting to come down and celebrate with everyone?"

"No Ellie I'm fine. I just want to relax." said Casper bluntly still embarrassed.

"Aw that's a shame." she said swinging back another drink of her beer. "Not even just for a wee bit?"

"I'm just not into parties is all. I appreciate your offer, it's just tonight I want to draw then go to sleep." she looked at him with concern.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

He was taken aback by this. It was the first time since his grandmother had passed that anyone had expressed any concern for him. He didn't know where to begin.

"Well...I just maybe... don't know if I fit in with you lot is all." she put her hand on his shoulder.

"I don't think so. Your quick on your feet and have good observation skills. You're a good comrade man."

"I mean, socially. I don't think I'm desperately compatible with the rest of you. I don't feel like I belong." she looked at him for a moment.

"Do you want to talk?" she asked him earnestly. He looked up at her surprised. "Yeah. I think I'd like that."

"Sure. I'm just gonna nip downstairs and grab a couple more beers first. You want one?"

Casper hesitated. He didn't drink or take any drugs, especially since alcoholism ran in his family. But tonight, he felt different upon her request. "Go on." he said.

She went away and came back with the beers. They drank and talked together for a while. Casper was able to talk about how he felt amongst the rest of them and how he's been managing since the war ended. At the same time, he learned a lot about Ellie, what she did before the war, what her parents were like, what things she liked to do, and where she went to school. The conversation flowed naturally from the serious subject matter to more casual. Casper started to get tipsy after a couple of beers and their conversation became more playful, then flirtatious. They started talking about sex and the sort of things they liked which turned them on. Casper was too shy to admit explicitly to her that he was aroused at the prospect of being dominated but hinted at it by saying things like he liked the thought of cowgirl position best.

By this point Ellie was drunk, the more she talked about sex with Casper, the more she wanted him. She invited him to her mattress. They crawled onto it then looked at each other and smiled. She brought her face close to his and they started kissing.

It was Caspers first kiss, he always imagined what it would be like since he was a little boy. He pictured something like sitting alone with her under a starlit sky in the summer, holding hands and dreaming of their future together. Instead, it was drunk, on a dirty mattress, with a woman he didn't know amazingly well, in an abandoned unit in an industrial estate, with the backdrop of post war ruins in the East End of Glasgow.

The kissing was amazing, after being touch starved for so long, the slightest sexual tension drove him mad. He got hard instantly. Ellie looked down and noticed the bulge in his trousers and began stroking his penis through it making him moan. Ellie was horny too, the kissing, then seeing and touching his boner through his trousers made her wet. She took off her jeans and placed Caspers hand on her vulva over her knickers. He rubbed gently making her moan too. They undressed more so that they were both naked.

Casper held her warm body against his, he ran his fingers down her back to her bottom. The sensation was overwhelming, he couldn't fight it and ejaculated prematurely. He was very apologetic, but Ellie reassured him it was okay, as long as she could still cum. He placed his fingers inside of her, she instructed him what to do, he hoped he was doing a good job. When he got a rhythm, she started moaning louder, he got hard again. He kept moving his fingers the way she instructed then she came with a scream. She calmed down then laughed with satisfaction and noticed his boner again.

"If you make me cum again, I'll suck it" she promised.

He obliged with pleasure and listened to her every command as he wriggled his middle and index finger inside of her. Her moaning was consistent for a while then she calmed down again. He tried moving in different directions again trying to get a rhythm of pleasure within her, then found it by pushing in deep and rubbing the ceiling, it was so wet. Her moans got lounder until she climaxed again in a scream of pleasure.

They kissed for a bit longer until she moved her hand down and caressed his balls. He let out another moan. She bent forward bringing her head to his penis. There was cum still wet on it from his last orgasm so she wiped it off as best as she could with her t-shirt from the floor, then kissed it. She held it with one hand, pulled his foreskin back slightly, then looked up at him with a naughty smile.

"Are you ready?"

"Yeah." Casper moaned blushing.

She gobbled his penis massaging his exposed head with her tongue. He moaned loudly in delight. The shock of pleasure was so intense he came again almost instantly. She pulled her lips away as he shot, like a reflex. She laughed then kneeled back up.

"That was quick." she commented.

"I'm sorry." he said regretfully.

"It's fine." she said satisfied.

Casper was drained, he hadn't cum twice this fast in a row before. They both lay down on the mattress kissing each other, then pulled the sheets over them. They held each other and kissed until they fell asleep.

The next morning Casper woke up and found Ellie wasn't next to him. He sat up concerned and looked around, only Amy and James were asleep on the other mattresses. James was snoring heavily, the kind of snoring that followed a night of heavy drinking. He figured the others were downstairs, but what about Ellie? Where was she? He stood up and put on his boxers that were laying nearby. He walked as quietly as he could, despite the creaky floorboards, so as not to disturb Amy and James. He went downstairs and saw Molly, Calvin, and Craig asleep with empty cans and bottles strewn around them. On the table there was a bag of cocaine and some other pills, as well as some empty bags of peanuts, sliced cheese, and crisps. From the kitchen, or the room that they referred to as the kitchen, he heard the faint sizzling of something cooking. He quietly walked past Calvin then opened the door. Ellie stood cooking bacon on the portable gas cooker. She was wearing her knickers and t-shirt. She turned round to face him. Her facial expression was blank.

"Hey." he said sweetly.

"Hello." she replied bluntly. "Do you need something?" Casper was taken aback by her demeanour.

"I was just wondering where you went to is all."

"I'm making some breakfast. Is that allowed?"

He looked into her eyes, she seemed irritated. He wanted to know why but felt he was bothering her enough already by the way she was addressing him. It was confusing and worrying given the lovely night they had together. Why this? What was the matter? He took a moment then cast his gaze downwards.

"I'm sorry to bother you." he turned then left.

The rest of the day was a blur, the others still largely hungover, spent most of the day in their beds, as did Casper in his hammock. He thought she needed some space at the moment and she would come back and talk to him again. He'd never been that close with anyone physically before and had somewhat developed feelings for her. Only at dinner did he see her again, but he thought it too public to address in front of everyone else.

When their eyes met at dinner, it appeared she didn't feel one way or another. She had the same expression towards him as always. He got worried. Did she not feel the same way about him? If so, why all the cuddles and kisses? It didn't make sense in his head that she felt nothing after all this, it made him upset. He was too scared to approach her directly to learn the truth. Until he couldn't speculate any longer. Two days later while she was repairing rifles in the weapons room he went and saw her. It was just the two of them.

"Hey." he said, the door closing behind him. Her eyes didn't look up from the rifle parts she was working with, she took a moment to reply still working away.

"What do you want?" she asked. He was surprised that she didn't know, or acted like she didn't know.

"W...well. About the other night."

"What about it?" she asked, her expression unchanged. Casper got choked up.

"You didn't care about me at all, did you?" he said with pain in his voice. She glanced her eyes up at him.

"Look, Casper. I never intended for what we did to happen. It just kind of did. I guess I was drunk and felt lonely, and I wasn't thinking properly."

"Why didn't you tell me? I would have stopped immediately if you said you didn't want to do anything." said Casper distressed.

"I just...I don't know. I suppose it was nice at the time, but it's not going to happen again." Casper was silent.

"So...You don't feel anything for me? Even after all the conversation and cuddling and you telling me you've never felt as close to a guy as you did with me. It was all just hot air!?"

"Yeah. I don't find you attractive. Not even a little bit. Sorry." she said coldly.

Casper was quiet then he could be heard sniffling. He covered his eyes with his forearm, he was crying.

"That's too bad, because I can't say the same about you."

He turned then left the room still in tears. He left her alone from that point but cried every night for a week thinking about her. Ellie simply went on about her business as if nothing happened.

A few weeks later, a handwritten note was left at the door of the hideout. Molly had found it initially. It was brought up when they were all having dinner that day. The note outlined a warning issued by another group of thieves that operated not too far away. It stated they were concerned that the groups activity was encroaching onto what they regarded as their territory. They warned that if they did not retreat their expeditions out with their claimed boundary there would be dire consequences. It wasn't the first time they had received a warning like this, and they saw it as just another empty threat.

A few days later, Casper was sitting in his bunk eating a sandwich and reading when he heard a gunshot from outside. He looked up, gunshots were not an unusual thing to hear in the post war ruins of Glasgow, but something about this one seemed off. Calvin was sitting a few feet away on his mattress eating when he heard the shot too. He also looked up and his eyes met with Caspers. The look in his eyes confirmed that he knew something was amiss as well.

"Check it out?" asked Calvin.

"Yeah." replied Casper.

Casper grabbed his Glock and Calvin his shotgun. They headed downstairs then out the back of the building, carefully surveying the area with their weapons pointed. They turned the corner and there she was. Ellie, laying down in the tall grass. She had gone out for a smoke not five minutes earlier. Casper didn't know whether to call her name to see if she was just wounded but noticed how still she was and knew the answer. She lay face up; the bullet wound was on her forehead above her left eyebrow. Her eyes were not closed fully, and her pupils were dilated. Casper looked into them in disbelief and shock. Two minutes earlier she was a living breathing person with hopes, aspirations, and loved ones that watched her take her first baby steps, watched her getting taller as the months went by, watched as she stumbled through making mistakes and learning in her adolescent years into becoming a young woman. All gone in an instant. Now there was just the organic material left. He pulled her eyelids shut.

An emergency meeting was called. Retribution was to be the top priority before any further expeditions. They held her funeral that night. Casper and James dug the grave. Molly and Calvin stripped her body of all clothes, so they wouldn't go to waste. Amy and Molly lowered her body into the grave, and Casper and James started to pour the earth back on top of it. While he did so, Casper actively avoided covering her face until last. He was still in shock, none of this felt real. How could our Ellie be dead? He looked at her face one last time. It made him remember the night they had together when her face was close to his. Her beautiful smile, her playful banter, her comforting embrace, and how even just for one night she made him feel not alone. James shovelled a heap of dirt onto her face, covering it up forever, and Casper fell to his knees. Finally, all his grief had come to the surface, and he let out a loud wail holding his hands over his eyes. He sobbed hard, the others told him to get up and keep going but he couldn't. Molly had to drag him away from the grave still crying uncontrollably. He didn't expect his heart to break twice for her.

Casper looked up to the celling in his cell with sorrow. He remembered telling Holly that he'd become numb to death after witnessing so much of it, but he was unsure if that was completely true. He thought about Jane, Holly, Erin, Louise, and Mark. Even knowing them all just over a week he hadn't felt so close to anyone like them since his grandmother passed. He really hoped he wouldn't lose anyone else; he was unsure if his already fractured heart could take it.