I like to be spanked. Really, I do. Please don't judge me.
Spanking is both physical and psychological. I usually like the physical feeling although sometimes I don't like it as much when the sexual arousal goes away and I feel the after effect of the spanking without that distraction.
From a psychological viewpoint, I love the feeling of giving up control of my body to the other person. I think what I like about that is an overwhelming feeling of trust in that person. If you let a guy do things like tie you to the bed and spank you, you better trust him.
Of course, I prefer to be spanked by another person but sometimes, I really want to be spanked and there is no one to do it. So, sometimes, I'll spank myself. I said don't judge me. With a self-spanking, I can get the physical feel but the problem is that I know that I'm really still in control.
I can't fix that completely but I've found a way where I can give up control, if not to another person than to chance. I use dice to determine what, where, and how much I'll be spanked. Then I just need the self-discipline to follow through no matter what. I've developed a game with a set of rules that I commit to.
First, I decide on how long my spanking will last. Sometimes, I just want a quick spanking to be followed by a session with my vibe. Other times, I want a slow and sensual spanking. Of course, to be followed by a session with my vibe.
In the first stage of my game, I'll do a round of spanking for each piece of clothing I'm wearing. I'll take off one piece after each round. When I run out of clothes, I'll do the same number of rounds completely naked.
I use three dice. The first is for what I'll be spanked with so I lay out six implements before I start. I've collected a nice set of toys. Some are soft and some are hard. Some stingy and some thuddy. I like the variety.
The second die decides where on my body I'll be spanked. My butt will get most of the spanks but I like some on my boobs, my thighs, and my pubic mound above the vulva. I'm not crazy, so spanking those areas is limited to my metal ruler. It stings but doesn't do any damage. Under my rules, all spanks go to my butt until I've removed any clothing covering the that part of my body. When my pants come off, my thighs can be spanked, etc.
The final die is for the number of spanks--before I start, I roll one die to pick a multiplier. If the multiplier is three for example and I roll a four, I'll get twelve spanks. It means that I'm potentially going to get between 1 and 36 spanks at any single time. And yes, spanking yourself 36 times takes a lot of self-discipline!
Finally, to spice things up, I have some extras for the rounds after I'm totally naked. If I get three of a kind, I'll edge for a given time 1-1-1 is eleven seconds, 2-2-2 is twenty-two seconds, etc. Edging for sixty-six seconds when I've been playing for a while also takes some self-control to stop.
1-2-3 means that I'll put clothes pins on my nips through the next round. 2-3-4 means I do it for two rounds. 3-4-5, for three rounds and 4-5-6 for the rest of the game.